“I lost my head for a little while. I lost touch and I didn’t want to ask for directions. I did a couple really dumb interviews and it woke me up. … [It was] a very strange time. I’m glad I actually stayed out of the spotlight. Back then I would’ve said, ‘Let me get out and do Ellen and explain myself.’ It was like, ‘No, idiot. Go away – be 33 and 34 instead of 28 for the fourth year.’ I can’t sing, so I’m writing. I live in Montana – middle of nowhere. It’s really excellent. You get to a certain age where you prepare yourself for happiness. Sometimes you never remember to actually get happy. I remembered to get happy.”
Wow. Where did the douchebag we all not-so-affectionately called douchebag go? Oh, right—Montana. No, but really, he sounds good. He sounds like a dude who’s been through it and has learned. He sounds like what Lindsay Lohan should have sounded like three or four years ago, but it’s another story for another day, that.
Anyway, as much as I’ll miss hearing stories about addictive Tweeting and racist penises, and what it was like to bone some of Hollywood’s A-list women, I’m glad he’s doing well, all things considered.
Of course this asshat would go and live in my home state. He’s right alongside every other celebrity assclown who thinks Montana is the cure all for douchery. Guess what? It’s not. There are more doucewaffles per capita in Montana than any other state and that includes New Jersey. And the ones that aren’t douchewaffles are narrow-minded conservatives.
That’s a real shame, considering Montana is so beautiful. What isn’t a shame is to hear John Mayer admit he can’t sing. He used to make facial contortions that I thought he was passing a stone!
Guess what? That is such untrue, ridiculous blanket statement. Maybe if you spent less time commenting on gossip blogs, and more time getting out and actually interacting with people (who apparently all ‘douchewaffles’) you wouldn’t have such a warped perspective. Or you could move.