Watch This: Rihanna’s New Music Video

Yesterday, I went to my grandma’s house to hang out with her, my favorite aunt, and my dad. My hair is pink again, and I was wearing a polka dot skirt and a bright blue cardigan. My dad was like “you look nice, but I feel like I’d like your outfit more if I was on acid.” I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s the exact same sentiment I have for Rihanna‘s music video for her song, “Where Have You Been?” It looks nice, but it would probably do a whole lot more for me if I was on drugs.

Look, I know I don’t need to tell you how I feel about Rihanna. I know that you know that I’m not a fan. But I don’t think there’s a singer out there that I understand less. I don’t like Lady Gaga‘s music, but I get that she’s a great musician and she’s made herself an incredibly loyal fanbase. I don’t like Katy Perry‘s music, but I get that her songs are insanely catchy, and hardly a day goes by that I don’t let myself know that “baby, you’re a fiiiiirework.” I don’t like Rihanna’s music, but … that’s it. I just don’t like it. I know some of you guys have told me that you listen to her music because it’s fun, not because she’s some groundbreaking singer, but still. I’m just not going to understand people who listen to Rihanna.

But everybody has different tastes, and that’s just wonderful. While I’m baffled at your collection of techno music, you might be rolling your eyes over my collection of show tunes. While I’m mystified by your love of Rihanna, you might be mystified by my very favorite musician ever:

Or my very favorite ginger musician ever:

Or my very favorite band that is also my boyfriend’s very favorite band:

See? It takes different strokes to move the world. I just don’t get all you people who stroke it to Rihanna.