Sometimes something happens that makes me roll my eyes so hard and for so long that I worry that they might get stuck mid-roll. That seriously happens: I roll my eyes long enough to have time to consider what would happen if my eyeballs got permanently stuck the wrong way. Roll your eyes and think about how long that takes. Whatever caused the initial eye roll has got to be some intense bullshit to start that cycle, right?
This time, it’s the fact that Taylor Swift is apparently in talks to play Joni Mitchell in an upcoming film:
Taylor Swift is circling the role of Joni Mitchell in Sony Pictures and Di Bonaventura Pictures’ adaptation of Sheila Weller’s book “Girls Like Us,” which would mark the pop star’s first turn in a bigscreen drama.Pic examines the careers of singers Mitchell, Carly Simon and Carole King. Swift does not have an official offer, but has been linked to the Mitchell role for several months as other actresses have auditioned to play Simon and King, including Alison Pill (“Midnight in Paris”) for the latter singer.
“House” exec producer Katie Jacobs, who optioned the book several years ago, is directing from a script by John Sayles. Lorenzo di Bonaventura (“Transformers”) is set to produce the Sony pic, which has not yet been greenlit, though it is tentatively skedded to start production later this year when the three leads’ schedules allow for filming.
Swift, who’s currently featured on “The Hunger Games” soundtrack, made her feature acting debut in ensemble rom-com “Valentine’s Day,” and recently voiced a role in Universal’s “The Lorax.” Before that, she appeared as herself in the 2009 Miley Cyrus vehicle “Hannah Montana: The Movie.”
No, Taylor. Please, no. Anything but this. I just got over the trauma I experienced when it was reported that you were going to play Eponine in the Les Miserables movie, and now this? Now you’re trying to ruin Joni Mitchell? That beautiful, inspiring legend of a woman, Joni Mitchell? I just can’t.
But what do you guys think?
This IS the proverbial straw that will drive my bus straight past Bluetown over the border into the world has gone mad and there is NOREASONTOKEEPLIVING-VILLE. Okay, I am breathing into a bag. Deep, calming breaths. Taylor Swift can’t even hold Joni Mitchell’s jock strap; she can’t even be in the locker room. Wow. The thought of her trying to emote the complex lyrics/melodies of Joni Mitchell is laughable. Joni Mitchell is a fucking genius. Taylor Swift is music’s equivalent to light beer. I have to go now and play “The Last Time I Saw Richard”. Maybe I can forget the horror of this post. That and ALOT of wine.
“Taylor Swift’s is music’s equivalent to light beer.”
YES.