Oh, she's also completely full of shit, too. Thought you knew.
This was Madonna's response to Deadmau5's Facebook blitz yesterday, calling her out for being a f-cking fame troll and for glamorizing drug use in club music lovers. Madonna, if you were unaware, asked the crowd at a music festival, "How many people in this crowd have seen molly?", which is a reference to the drug ecstasy. Deadmau5 blasted girlfriend for condoning - and promoting - drug use, and this was her random-assed, far-out, w...
Jeremy Piven sucks at oral sex. [The Superficial]
You watching 'DWTS'? Here's a recap. [Bitten and Bound]
Octomom says she's a good mom. [Starpulse]
Kate Winslet didn't get a facelift? [Socialite Life]
Justin Bieber's joke backfires in a big way. [Hollywood PQ]
Why Mario Lopez is a big a-hole. [Celebslam]
Megan Fox did a magazine shoot! It's shit! [Yeeeah]
Christie Brinkley cries on TV, talks about marriage. [Cele|bitchy]
Bobby Brown update: he's not dead. [IDLYITW]
The 10 Be...
Not that he's ever really been "alive" to me, or more than a blip on my radar because of 300 and being pursued by the ever-persistent Jessica Biel, but I've always wanted to say that - "dead to me." It sounds just so dramatic and final. "You're dead to me." I wish I could have tons and tons of money and draw up a huge will and write someone random into it, only to pull the rug out from underneath them later in life, cutting them out of the will while screaming, "You're dead to me!" as spittle flies ...
And my IQ just dropped a whole thirty points lower because I wrote that headline. Yes, Courtney Stodden has been contracted by PETA to push their anti-animal cruelty agenda, and who better to accommodate young, impressionable audiences than a seventeen-year-old girl who's married to a dude that's about to collect social security? Right on! Maybe there should be a foundation out there to protect young women out there from making stupid-ass decisions and marrying sexual T-Rexes who should actually have the last name "Hutchinson" because it's way easier to type than "Hutchison." I f-ck it up every time, man.
Anyway, the best part of the clip is when Courtney says "I switched to a vegetarian." What does that even mean? And what does it have to do with tits? Because the only message I'm getting from this video is that the science behind plastic surgery is, though disturbing and often misused, unbelievable.
The video gets pretty graphic at the 1:26 mark (don't say I didn't warn you, because the cow head spurting blood didn't make me very happy, because I love animals despite the fact that I eat meat), so tune out or skip past it or close your eyes for a few seconds, because guys, it's not pretty, but that's PETA for you. They make a living off of promoting brutal videos of animal slaughter in an attempt to scare people into "switching to a vegetarian," and not to open Pandora's box or anything, but how is that any different than the uber-conservative, uber-graphic anti-abortion videos that show babies in utero ... well, you know what I mean. Disturbing. And I don't like it. I had a hard time watching the rest of the video because of it, for fear that there'd be more animal cruelty that'd scar my psyche for the rest of my life and really f-ck up being able to sate my hamburger cravings for a while.
Also? Here's a little Courtney tidbit in case you were interested, or not in the VIP club on girlfriend's new website - her dog's name is Bizarre. Bizarre. The dog. It's name is BIZARRE.
What? It's appropriate, and way better than 'Don't Put It On Me, Girl'.
... Or IS IT?
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And my IQ just dropped a whole thirty points lower because I wrote that headline. Yes, Courtney Stodden has been contracted by PETA to push their anti-animal cruelty agenda, and who better to accommodate young, impressionable audiences than a seventeen-year-old girl who's married to a dude that's about to collect social security? Right on! Maybe there should be a foundation out there to protect young women out there from making stupid-ass decisions and marrying sexual T-Rexes who should actua...
Bwahahahah! What, you actually thought that I meant Eddie and LeAnn were going to have a baby? And ruin that fine-ass figure? Hell-to-the-no! Eddie wouldn't touch that snatch with a ten-foot pole if it got all stretched out and gummy because some dumb fetus might have to pass through on its way out to the world. And a c-section? God, what's worse? A ripped up birth canal, or having to look at a nasty scar each and every time you tried to get your rocks off? There's just no good choices there.
No, the third party I'm talking about is LeAnn's friend, Lizzy, who was being molested by LeAn...
... But not the hot Ralph Fiennes-Voldemort, I'm talking about the scary, creepy CGI Voldemort from back during the early Harry Potter movies, to be sure.
So from the magazine cover there, can you guess what Nadya's been doing? Yeah, she's been posing in her skivvies, obviously, but for what purpose? Why, for the same damned purpose she's had time and time again - looking for something to pay her rent, because who wants to babysit *fourteen demonic children who everyone hates while Nadya has...
Khloe Kardashian quits PETA. [The Superficial]
Facebook is ruining your self-esteem. [The Frisky]
Lauren Scruggs rejects $200k settlement for propeller accident. [TMZ]
Kendra Wilkinson is still stumping around in a bikini. [Starpulse]
Harry will always love Chelsy. [Lainey Gossip]
Rihanna might actually be dating Ashton Kutcher. [Socialite Life]
Liam Hemsworth will probably never marry Miley Cyrus. [Yeeeah]
January Jones has legs, believe it or not. [Amy Grindhouse]
Where the Ea...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Dog and Beth photo: Elaine
“Ok babe, the guys from Greenpeace are gone and won’...
I'm so sorry, you guys. I know that when you started your day, when you got on your computer and came over here to Evil Beet to check out the goings on, it never even entered your mind that this was a possibility. I know it never entered mine. I actually wasn't too sure we'd hear all that much about poor Lana Del Rey ever again, ever since her tour was postponed back in February. But here we are. And I'm not too sure how we got here.
By the way, that photo up there was taken backstage a...
January Jones is one of those celebrities that I don't know a whole lot about. Like, I know that she's on Mad Men, and I know she was pretty mediocre in that X-Men movie. I also know that Zach Galifianakis is not a fan of hers, which speaks volumes to me. But probably the most I know about January Jones is that she's the single mother of a baby boy and that no one has any idea who the father is. The most media attention January Jones has ever gotten was for the case of the mysterious pate...
Because that's what normal people do, isn't it? They watch some heartwarming video in the morning to make them cry, and then in the afternoon they pull out a solid excerpt from a good book for some midday tears, and they end the day by thinking about the top five saddest moments from their life and reliving them? And they see monster hands reaching for them out of the corners of their eyes? This is what everyone does, right? Right?
Anyway, it doesn't matter if all of that is normal or not, because every one of you who watches this video will surely burst into tears, or at least get some moisture in them eyeballs. Ok, at the very least, you'll smile a little. This video is that powerful.
It's a video of a recent audition for Britain's Got Talent, and it's inspiring. The video features a seventeen-year-old boy named Jonathan Antoine, his BFF Charlotte, and his unbelievably beautiful singing voice. What makes it all the better, of course, is Simon Cowell's reaction to the whole thing. As Jonathan and Charlotte make their way onstage, Simon leans over to fellow judge Carmen Electra and says "just when you think things couldn't get any worse." His remark wasn't really surprising - Charlotte looked pretty put together, but Jonathan looked like your average socially awkward teenage boy, and even though he's very manly, Simon Cowell isn't exactly known for being the sweetest dude ever - but boy, does he change his tune after Jonathan starts singing. Just go back up there and skip to about the 2:16 mark to see Simon's face. Priceless.
People are calling this kid the next Susan Boyle, I guess because she was on the same show and was also shy and awkward, and also because apparently most people are super surprised when conventionally unattractive people have talents. Whatever the reason, I'd say that the future is looking pretty bright for young Jonathan Antoine here. Oh, and, uh, Charlotte too, I guess.
Did you cry? You cried, didn't you? />
Because that's what normal people do, isn't it? They watch some heartwarming video in the morning to make them cry, and then in the afternoon they pull out a solid excerpt from a good book for some midday tears, and they end the day by thinking about the top five saddest moments from their life and reliving them? And they see monster hands reaching for them out of the corners of their eyes? This is what everyone does, right? Right?
Anyway, it doesn't matter if all of that is normal or...
Probably one of the most frustrating things about Lady Gaga is that she's a really pretty woman with tons of talent who insists on covering it all up. All the platforms and the crazy hats and the shitty music just completely distract me from what she could be.
For example, take a gander at that picture up there. Gorgeous, right? Those eyebrows. I know that she's probably wearing a touch of natural makeup, but this is probably as fresh faced as she's ever going to get. Isn't that so t...
Oh, she's also completely full of shit, too. Thought you knew.
This was Madonna's response to Deadmau5's Facebook blitz yesterday, calling her out for being a f-cking fame troll and for glamorizing drug use in club music lovers. Madonna, if you were unaware, asked the crowd at a music festival, "How many people in this crowd have seen molly?", which is a reference to the drug ecstasy. Deadmau5 blasted girlfriend for condoning - and promoting - drug use, and this was her random-assed, far-out, w...
Jeremy Piven sucks at oral sex. [The Superficial]
You watching 'DWTS'? Here's a recap. [Bitten and Bound]
Octomom says she's a good mom. [Starpulse]
Kate Winslet didn't get a facelift? [Socialite Life]
Justin Bieber's joke backfires in a big way. [Hollywood PQ]
Why Mario Lopez is a big a-hole. [Celebslam]
Megan Fox did a magazine shoot! It's shit! [Yeeeah]
Christie Brinkley cries on TV, talks about marriage. [Cele|bitchy]
Bobby Brown update: he's not dead. [IDLYITW]
The 10 Be...
Not that he's ever really been "alive" to me, or more than a blip on my radar because of 300 and being pursued by the ever-persistent Jessica Biel, but I've always wanted to say that - "dead to me." It sounds just so dramatic and final. "You're dead to me." I wish I could have tons and tons of money and draw up a huge will and write someone random into it, only to pull the rug out from underneath them later in life, cutting them out of the will while screaming, "You're dead to me!" as spittle flies ...
Bwahahahah! What, you actually thought that I meant Eddie and LeAnn were going to have a baby? And ruin that fine-ass figure? Hell-to-the-no! Eddie wouldn't touch that snatch with a ten-foot pole if it got all stretched out and gummy because some dumb fetus might have to pass through on its way out to the world. And a c-section? God, what's worse? A ripped up birth canal, or having to look at a nasty scar each and every time you tried to get your rocks off? There's just no good choices there.
No, the third party I'm talking about is LeAnn's friend, Lizzy, who was being molested by LeAn...
... But not the hot Ralph Fiennes-Voldemort, I'm talking about the scary, creepy CGI Voldemort from back during the early Harry Potter movies, to be sure.
So from the magazine cover there, can you guess what Nadya's been doing? Yeah, she's been posing in her skivvies, obviously, but for what purpose? Why, for the same damned purpose she's had time and time again - looking for something to pay her rent, because who wants to babysit *fourteen demonic children who everyone hates while Nadya has...
Khloe Kardashian quits PETA. [The Superficial]
Facebook is ruining your self-esteem. [The Frisky]
Lauren Scruggs rejects $200k settlement for propeller accident. [TMZ]
Kendra Wilkinson is still stumping around in a bikini. [Starpulse]
Harry will always love Chelsy. [Lainey Gossip]
Rihanna might actually be dating Ashton Kutcher. [Socialite Life]
Liam Hemsworth will probably never marry Miley Cyrus. [Yeeeah]
January Jones has legs, believe it or not. [Amy Grindhouse]
Where the Ea...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Dog and Beth photo: Elaine
“Ok babe, the guys from Greenpeace are gone and won’...
I'm so sorry, you guys. I know that when you started your day, when you got on your computer and came over here to Evil Beet to check out the goings on, it never even entered your mind that this was a possibility. I know it never entered mine. I actually wasn't too sure we'd hear all that much about poor Lana Del Rey ever again, ever since her tour was postponed back in February. But here we are. And I'm not too sure how we got here.
By the way, that photo up there was taken backstage a...
January Jones is one of those celebrities that I don't know a whole lot about. Like, I know that she's on Mad Men, and I know she was pretty mediocre in that X-Men movie. I also know that Zach Galifianakis is not a fan of hers, which speaks volumes to me. But probably the most I know about January Jones is that she's the single mother of a baby boy and that no one has any idea who the father is. The most media attention January Jones has ever gotten was for the case of the mysterious pate...
Probably one of the most frustrating things about Lady Gaga is that she's a really pretty woman with tons of talent who insists on covering it all up. All the platforms and the crazy hats and the shitty music just completely distract me from what she could be.
For example, take a gander at that picture up there. Gorgeous, right? Those eyebrows. I know that she's probably wearing a touch of natural makeup, but this is probably as fresh faced as she's ever going to get. Isn't that so t...