The Smart-Lopez Wedding That Almost Was

Let’s do a mental exercise together, all right? Ok, I want you to start breathing slowly and deeply, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax your whole body. Go over every single body part, recognize the tension in it, and then release it. Keep breathing. Now think about everything in your life that upsets you, think about all your responsibilities and every single bothersome thing in your life, and just let all that go. Let it gently slip away. With all that tension gone, you must be as light as a cloud, right? So imagine you’re gently floating on a cloud, just gliding along through the sky without a care in the world. What color is your cloud? Keep breathing.

Now that you’re as relaxed as humanly possible, let me ask you this: can you think of anything more adorable than a wedding for Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart?

From People:

Is Jennifer Lopez ready to walk down the aisle with Casper Smart?

Speculation ricocheted around the web that the pop star, 42, and her beau, 24, might be ready to tie the knot when fashion designer Roberto Cavalli seemed to send out an intriguing Tweet to his followers on Monday.

“Today , Jenifer Lopez. Call me…… She ask me. To create a special dress. For her next weding. !” he appeared to Tweet. “Wich color … Do you advise me. ?”

But any imminent plans for the couple to wed are not true. Cavalli’s rep tells PEOPLE that the designer’s account had been hacked and “therefore it’s completely false,” and a close Lopez source says, “They are not getting married. They are not even engaged.” Lopez’s rep also denies she’s getting married.

And just like that, all my hopes are destroyed. I was getting so excited, imagining Casper’s little face when Jennifer told him that McDonald’s was catering the reception and how adorable it would be when Jennifer wrote out checks for everything for Casper to sign like a big boy! And then the fight that would break out the first time they met the priest and he was like “aww, this is cute and all, but step aside, mother of the groom, so we can see that bride!” It would be a wedding to remember, for sure.

But hey, maybe there actually will be a wedding. Maybe the tweet was real, and the rest is all damage control, because it’s obvious that Jennifer and Jennifer’s people are aware that little baby Casper isn’t the greatest thing for her image, right? Maybe they’ll have a secret wedding, one that’s exactly like the one I imagined for them, and that will be enough.

Man, I’m so pumped for this wedding, you guys! Who’s with me?!