Alright, so maybe not necessarily that photo there, but how about this one; it's a much, much better picture:
Right? Girlfriend looks kind of classy here, if it weren't for the accompanying photos that depicted her with her ass cheeks hanging out of cutoff denim shorts. And it's loads, loads better than the weird dried-up red color that she's had recently, that reminds me of ... well, no, never mind. You don't want to know what it reminds me of, because it's gross. Let's just leave it at "Rihanna ...
Kim Kardashian has a lopsided, deflated ass. [The Superficial]
Brad Pitt's favorite words. [Lainey Gossip]
Rihanna's hooking up with lady now. [Bossip]
Heidi Klum gushed about Seal in her pre-divorce interview. [Starpulse]
Kim Kardashian's dating another NFL player. [Cele|bitchy]
Who's the worst neighbor ever? You might be surprised. [Huff Po]
Virtual kissing? [The Frisky]
Seal's ex-girlfriend says he's an asshole. [Bossip]
Courtney Love: Pet Killer. [Yeeeah]
More Celebrity Twitpics! [theBERRY]
PETA's going to chop Kate Moss down. [INFDaily]
...
If you guessed Demi Moore, then congratulations, you are correct! That means that you have eyeballs that can see things and a brain that can recognize them! I'm so proud of you for both of those things!
But yeah, you guys remember Miley Cyrus' penis party. That's not even a question, it's a statement, because there is no way you could forget that shindig. It featured Miley chugging on the biggest alcoholic beverage and making a porn face at cake that was shaped like male genitalia. That ...
I say "for real this time" because way back in August, I told you that Roseanne had announced that she was running for president. Back then, she insisted that she was serious about running so that she could "speak on behalf of the taxpayers of this country who r dissed 2 the max." Before that, in 2010, Roseanne went to D.C. to announce her campaign. I thought it was a joke, and that perhaps Roseanne just wanted to bring light to important political issues that she cared about, but I was wrong. Ro...
I have this dream. Do you want to hear it? Ok, it's a reality show. It's like a lot of other reality shows in that a group of people live inside a house together, but it's just a tiny bit different because the cast members are Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lea Michele, Scarlett Johannson, Kristen Stewart, and Lady Gaga. They live in a house together, but they can't leave. Not for the duration of the filming anyway. They'll be inside a modest house and they'll live a simple middle class lifestyle, and ...
Octavia, you tricky trickster! Are you trying to win my heart? Are you trying to get me, along with everyone else, to root for you to win Best Supporting Actress at the Academy Awards? Because it might be working.
But no! Melissa McCarthy is nominated in the same category, and I love Melissa McCarthy. There was never any doubt that if she were nominated, I would wish with all my heart that she would win. Curse you, Octavia!
If you'll remember, earlier this week I told you guys ab...
I'm not going to lie: I definitely cracked a smile during this clip of LL Cool J beatboxing (with the, ah, help of Taylor Swift), but it wasn't because I thought it was cute or endearing or anything like that, no sir. It was because sometimes, when bad things happen, like there's a lot of tension in the room because someone (no names mentioned) ate the last six fish sticks without telling anyone else, or when, you know, someone accidentally sets themselves on fire and I have no other reaction because my natural response to a crisis is to laugh or smirk, it's what I do.
I mean, that probably means that there's something wrong with me, and that there are various emotional receptors broken in my soul and the parts that connect to my face, but it happens, and even if it's insulting, it honestly means nothing. Nothing. No, when that last fish stick is all but in the toilet or the neighbor sets himself on fire again trying to make his annual firepit, it's genuine discord I'm feeling. Discord. And I take no perverse joy or mirth in knowing that there's no fish sticks left or that neighbor-man has to be admitted to the burn ward again because of that infection he's just getting over from last year. No sirree. All I feel is sadness and concern, but because there's something broken inside me, I kind of smile.
I think that's the only explanation I have for my reaction to this video. />
I'm not going to lie: I definitely cracked a smile during this clip of LL Cool J beatboxing (with the, ah, help of Taylor Swift), but it wasn't because I thought it was cute or endearing or anything like that, no sir. It was because sometimes, when bad things happen, like there's a lot of tension in the room because someone (no names mentioned) ate the last six fish sticks without telling anyone else, or when, you know, someone accidentally sets themselves on fire and I have no other reactio...
"So start saving your pennies now [then]. People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it."
Right. Because Madonna doesn't spend $300 on handbags. She's far too in tune with the starving kids she saves from all over the world that "poor" folks like you and I don't even constitute a minor blip on her rich/poor radar. We don't even come up, you know. See, Madonna looks at these things in black and white -...
I would. I mean, come on. It'd be all laughs and chucks from the time the heart monitor stopped beeping, because duh, what's funnier than your blood-starved, emaciated wife dying on the table while giving birth to your half-breed vampire baby?
Of course I'm kidding. It wouldn't be funny, but we're not talking about real life here, we're talking reel life on the set of Breaking Dawn Part 1. Which I haven't seen yet, but only because every damned time I considered seeing it in theaters, it was like there was a constant presence of at least three hundred people all queued up at the ticket counter. Screaming girls at the movies are NOT MY THING. One time, I even went to go see the new, rebooted Nightmare on Elm Street with my brother, because my husband totally hates horror movies (even campy, stupid horror movies). Somehow all these kids ended up in the theater, and whenever anything remotely "scary" would happen, a trio of girls sitting three rows in front of us would scream bloody murder. Sometimes it was even delayed; like, Freddy'd biff someone and it'd take their adolescent brains a second to process it, so there'd be time when a full two seconds would elapse, and then you'd hear the squawking. I hated it so hard that, at one point (OK, about ten minutes into the movie), I whipped a handful of Buncha Crunch at the back of their heads as hard as I could possibly muster, and from then on, it shut them up.
You might think I'm a hypocritical bully, but I'm really not. I'm just an adult with a low tolerance for the same bullshit that I pulled at fourteen and fifteen years old and I like to make it known.
Anyway, back to the Breaking Dawn blooper - it's pretty funny. It shows Robert Pattinson, covered in blood, trying to bite Kristen Stewart's arm, thus making her a vampire and saving both her and their unborn baby's life. But he can't do it. He dissolves into a fit of giggles for whatever reason, and the scene has to be reshot. Same with Taylor Lautner. He reports that he tries to later give CPR to Kristen Stewart's character, and he's got to wrap his entire mouth around the lower part of her face. And fails. Because that'd actually be kind of funny, too.
Ah these actors and their shenanigans. Just gotta love 'em, you know? />
I would. I mean, come on. It'd be all laughs and chucks from the time the heart monitor stopped beeping, because duh, what's funnier than your blood-starved, emaciated wife dying on the table while giving birth to your half-breed vampire baby?
Of course I'm kidding. It wouldn't be funny, but we're not talking about real life here, we're talking reel life on the set of Breaking Dawn Part 1. Which I haven't seen yet, but only because every damned time I considered seeing it in theaters, it wa...
I was scanning news stories this morning and yeah, no, this was not the headline I expected to read:
Joel Osteen Blessed with Six-Pack Abs
I laughed! I squealed! I blinked. I cackled. I put my head down on the desk. I just could not process this. And who would publish such a thing? ABC News! That's who! ABC!
I tell you guys what, I am so paranoid about God coming out of a cloud and zapping me, I can't even make one Reverend Billy Graham joke without flipping out before I get to the pu...
At least four dudes could have been the father to Snooki's baby. [The Superficial]
Gwyneth Paltrow's "official" new job. [Lainey Gossip]
Guess who the hottest women on Twitter are? [Starpulse]
Michael Fassbender was asked to leave his own party. [Cele|bitchy]
Blake Lively takes on Spiderman. [Lainey Gossip]
Deion Sanders says he never offered cash for ass. [TMZ]
35 Gorgeous girls with great short hairstyles. [The Frisky]
Justin Bieber shows off in front of Lil Wayne. [Socialite Life...
According to X17 (via Celebuzz), Lindsay Lohan just might have a new fella in her life!
Meet 21-year-old Henry Hopper. He just finished shooting a movie called Tar. He is French Stewart's stepson. And! He is Dennis Hopper's son. I know!
Unfortunately, Lindsay claims there is no truth to the rumor they are an item. Furthermore, she would prefer that I not re-report that a liquor store clerk TOTALLY saw her kissing Henry Hopper.
The Hollywood Gossip:
Lindsay acknowledges she was at the party at...
Alright, so maybe not necessarily that photo there, but how about this one; it's a much, much better picture:
Right? Girlfriend looks kind of classy here, if it weren't for the accompanying photos that depicted her with her ass cheeks hanging out of cutoff denim shorts. And it's loads, loads better than the weird dried-up red color that she's had recently, that reminds me of ... well, no, never mind. You don't want to know what it reminds me of, because it's gross. Let's just leave it at "Rihanna ...
Kim Kardashian has a lopsided, deflated ass. [The Superficial]
Brad Pitt's favorite words. [Lainey Gossip]
Rihanna's hooking up with lady now. [Bossip]
Heidi Klum gushed about Seal in her pre-divorce interview. [Starpulse]
Kim Kardashian's dating another NFL player. [Cele|bitchy]
Who's the worst neighbor ever? You might be surprised. [Huff Po]
Virtual kissing? [The Frisky]
Seal's ex-girlfriend says he's an asshole. [Bossip]
Courtney Love: Pet Killer. [Yeeeah]
More Celebrity Twitpics! [theBERRY]
PETA's going to chop Kate Moss down. [INFDaily]
...
If you guessed Demi Moore, then congratulations, you are correct! That means that you have eyeballs that can see things and a brain that can recognize them! I'm so proud of you for both of those things!
But yeah, you guys remember Miley Cyrus' penis party. That's not even a question, it's a statement, because there is no way you could forget that shindig. It featured Miley chugging on the biggest alcoholic beverage and making a porn face at cake that was shaped like male genitalia. That ...
I say "for real this time" because way back in August, I told you that Roseanne had announced that she was running for president. Back then, she insisted that she was serious about running so that she could "speak on behalf of the taxpayers of this country who r dissed 2 the max." Before that, in 2010, Roseanne went to D.C. to announce her campaign. I thought it was a joke, and that perhaps Roseanne just wanted to bring light to important political issues that she cared about, but I was wrong. Ro...
I have this dream. Do you want to hear it? Ok, it's a reality show. It's like a lot of other reality shows in that a group of people live inside a house together, but it's just a tiny bit different because the cast members are Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lea Michele, Scarlett Johannson, Kristen Stewart, and Lady Gaga. They live in a house together, but they can't leave. Not for the duration of the filming anyway. They'll be inside a modest house and they'll live a simple middle class lifestyle, and ...
Octavia, you tricky trickster! Are you trying to win my heart? Are you trying to get me, along with everyone else, to root for you to win Best Supporting Actress at the Academy Awards? Because it might be working.
But no! Melissa McCarthy is nominated in the same category, and I love Melissa McCarthy. There was never any doubt that if she were nominated, I would wish with all my heart that she would win. Curse you, Octavia!
If you'll remember, earlier this week I told you guys ab...
"So start saving your pennies now [then]. People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it."
Right. Because Madonna doesn't spend $300 on handbags. She's far too in tune with the starving kids she saves from all over the world that "poor" folks like you and I don't even constitute a minor blip on her rich/poor radar. We don't even come up, you know. See, Madonna looks at these things in black and white -...
I was scanning news stories this morning and yeah, no, this was not the headline I expected to read:
Joel Osteen Blessed with Six-Pack Abs
I laughed! I squealed! I blinked. I cackled. I put my head down on the desk. I just could not process this. And who would publish such a thing? ABC News! That's who! ABC!
I tell you guys what, I am so paranoid about God coming out of a cloud and zapping me, I can't even make one Reverend Billy Graham joke without flipping out before I get to the pu...
At least four dudes could have been the father to Snooki's baby. [The Superficial]
Gwyneth Paltrow's "official" new job. [Lainey Gossip]
Guess who the hottest women on Twitter are? [Starpulse]
Michael Fassbender was asked to leave his own party. [Cele|bitchy]
Blake Lively takes on Spiderman. [Lainey Gossip]
Deion Sanders says he never offered cash for ass. [TMZ]
35 Gorgeous girls with great short hairstyles. [The Frisky]
Justin Bieber shows off in front of Lil Wayne. [Socialite Life...
According to X17 (via Celebuzz), Lindsay Lohan just might have a new fella in her life!
Meet 21-year-old Henry Hopper. He just finished shooting a movie called Tar. He is French Stewart's stepson. And! He is Dennis Hopper's son. I know!
Unfortunately, Lindsay claims there is no truth to the rumor they are an item. Furthermore, she would prefer that I not re-report that a liquor store clerk TOTALLY saw her kissing Henry Hopper.
The Hollywood Gossip:
Lindsay acknowledges she was at the party at...