Is there anything that Gwyneth Paltrow can't do? Really, I'm not trying to be a smart ass here or anything, I'm just wondering if anyone knows of one thing that Gwyneth Paltrow cannot do, because I'm having a hard time. She can sing and dance, she can save your relationship, and she can pull off a formal cape. Oh, and she can also predict the future, because she's already claiming to know all that lies ahead for Beyonce's little bundle of joy, Blue Ivy.
From Us Weekly:
She's only seven-w...
Just yesterday, I told you all that Lindsay Lohan was going to be on The Today Show this week. Remember that? And we all got excited that Lindsay might finally be pulling it together, and we held hands in a circle and sent positive vibes her way? Yeah, you remember. The interview was actually done yesterday, and guess what! We have excerpts!
From NBC:
MATT LAUER:
There was a time when we talked last time, where I think you didn't want to talk about a lot of things. Because I think,...
Did you know that polycystic ovary syndrome is thought to affect as many as 10% of all women of reproductive age? It's true! It is the most common endocrine disorder and the #1 reason many women have fertility issues.
If you have ever visited a doctor, his or her first line of defense---and he will prescribe this without actually testing you for cystic ovaries, just because it's such a handy, efficient drug---is birth control pills. But what if you don't have health insurance? Your pills might cost $75 every month! Maybe some months you buy birth control pills instead of toilet paper! Hilarious!
Oh, look, a video.
Among those playing the roles of the Middle-Aged Dudes who know all about women's health are: Twin Peaks' Ray Wise! The dad from That 70s Show and Dead Poets Society! Parks and Recreations' Nick Offerman! (I'm not sure that Mr. Megan Mullally is quite "middle-aged," but then again, I am old.) Plus, Tim Meadows, who is rocking some really radical 1960s NASA eyeglasses. Those glasses say "expert."
And then there is Judd Nelson, who my friend Robyn briefly convinced me was dead. I was so upset, you guys. She was like, "Yeah! Years ago, I think!" and I was like, "Oh, my God, oh, my God, when was Suddenly Susan canceled anyway, oh, my God." And then I was like, "Wait, are you thinking of David Strickland?" And now Robyn was very, "Um, I think I know who Judd Nelson is," all indignant, and then I was mad with grief. I love you, Judd!
The video also features Corey Stoll, a stage actor about whom I am ten kinds of crazy. I almost didn't recognize him without his Law & Order: Los Angeles mustache! YOU CAN PUT YOUR LAWS AND ORDERS ON MY BODY ANYTIME, COREY! Just kidding, you can't, because I'm a feminist. (You are still nice to look at, however.)
This video is possibly NSFW thanks to a catalogue of euphemisms for ladyparts. However, the most disturbing of these "euphemisms"---uttered by none other than Ray Wise---is probably "tummy pockets." />
Did you know that polycystic ovary syndrome is thought to affect as many as 10% of all women of reproductive age? It's true! It is the most common endocrine disorder and the #1 reason many women have fertility issues.
If you have ever visited a doctor, his or her first line of defense---and he will prescribe this without actually testing you for cystic ovaries, just because it's such a handy, efficient drug---is birth control pills. But what if you don't have health insurance? Your pills migh...
"Angelina Jolie looked like a fool the way she posed. She took herself right out of that superstar category because you now realize she stands in front of a mirror to figure out what she looks like. Have you ever seen anybody stand with their hand on a hip with a leg thrown out to open an envelope? No, and you want to say, ‘You idiot! You’ve brought us back to the fact that you used to wear blood around your neck and French kiss your brother!’”
Oh dear. That day has finally come. It'...
Sigh. But some of you do, and I'm not going to cheat those of you who watch this show out of the necessary knowledge that's come down the pipe. Like how they've chosen the cast of character's for this season's season season's season, and it's composed of some pretty random (and some completely obscure) choices. Are you ready for 'em? Here goes. From our good friends at Starpulse, who went to the trouble of defining some of the more "who the f-ck is that" choices:
Jack Wagner is a soap opera ...
Am I the only one completely tickled to death that it says - right next to Megan's flawless visage - 'What he wants to SEE during sex'? I mean, come on! Duh! This is a no-brainer! Megan Fox would be the answer to that question, but the editors of Cosmo wanted to be all sly about it and test your sensibilities. Did you pass or did you fail?
In her latest interview, Megan's not talking about international geography thankfully, but she's talking about something that's considered maybe even more...
Jessica Simpson's pregnancy is rapidly advancing. [The Superficial]
Katy Perry is Amy Winehouse? [Bitten and Bound]
Tisdale has a boyfriend! [Starpulse]
What Lindsay will be doing on SNL. [The Superficial]
Two bizarre men who are vying for Katy Perry's attentions. [Bossip]
What Taylor Swift looks like sans makeup. [Socialite Life]
More Attention Whoring 101. [Celebslam]
WOW, Frieda Pinto. Wow. [Yeeeah]
Madonna's new album art is LOL. [The Blemish]
The couple behind the kissing-Marine video. [OMGBlog]
You'll die when you hear who Alexander Skarsgard ...
Ever see that video of Seth Rogen doing stand-up comedy as a 13-year old? OK, great. Because, oddly, it's exactly the same as Seth Rogen now. Like he isn't that funny! Sorry! Winning, yes. Charming, yes. Funny? Sigh.
That isn't to say the man can't land some zingers.
Here he is hosting the Independent Spirit Awards! I like the Spirit Awards a lot. You can hear people eating, and it's very much more like prom. Seth Rogen curses a lot! He's really uncomfortable!
Here's a joke I liked: "I was committed to watching all your movies---that's one of the things you have to do when you host---and I made it through the first five minutes of every single one of them. And, uh, some of 'em start pretty slow! I will tell you that right now! Pretty f---king slow!"
But Rogen will be better remembered for his takedown of Chris Brown (it's at 5:25). The joke:
"I honestly bet, though, that Brett Ratner really wishes that he was organizing the Grammys, because they seem much more forgiving than the Oscars altogether. Seriously. You say a few hateful things, they don't let you within a hundred yards of the Oscars. You could literally beat the shit out of a nominee, they ask you to perform twice at the Grammys."
And as soon as he lands his punchline, check out Patricia Clarkson! She is freaking out! That woman hates Chris Brown! (Kirsten Dunst is more like "oh, my God," but Kirsten Dunst is always like that in the face of controversy, grabbing her pearls and promising whoever is sitting nearby that she completely disapproves.)
Finally, John C. Reilly's hat! Hi there, John's hat! />
Ever see that video of Seth Rogen doing stand-up comedy as a 13-year old? OK, great. Because, oddly, it's exactly the same as Seth Rogen now. Like he isn't that funny! Sorry! Winning, yes. Charming, yes. Funny? Sigh.
That isn't to say the man can't land some zingers.
Here he is hosting the Independent Spirit Awards! I like the Spirit Awards a lot. You can hear people eating, and it's very much more like prom. Seth Rogen curses a lot! He's really uncomfortable!
Here's a joke I liked: "...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez photo: Bob
"After a messy breakup with Justin Bieber,...
You guys! Look! It's little baby Lady Gaga, way back when she was just some 19-year-old girl named Stefani who waited tables at a restaurant and liked to jam on the piano! How sweet!
The photo shoot was done by a photographer named Malgorzata Saniewska, who was, at one point, working as a bartender at a restaurant where Lady Gaga worked as a waitress. Lady Gaga, being the friendly lady she is, gave Malgorzata a CD of her first single, and Malgorzata decided that little Stefani would b...
Or, no, let's make this perfectly clear: Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend Justin Theroux got a puppy together. As a couple. It's their puppy. Got it?
Really, that part doesn't matter all that much, or it doesn't to me, anyway. No, what matters to me is OMG PUPPIES. I don't think I have to tell you how I feel about fuzzy, adorable, lovable, perfect little critter angels, do I? I love animals so much, and when I get to tell you guys a wonderful story about a celebrity loving animals too, it j...
The moment that Heidi Klum knew she had to kill herself. [The Superficial]
Hot Royal Dudes. [The Frisky]
Chris Brown is singing Rihanna's songs now. [TMZ]
Snooki and J Woww are filming their reality spin-off. [Socialite Life]
Kate Upton for Carl Jr's. It's hot. [Starpulse]
Angelina Jolie is trying really, really hard. [Lainey Gossip]
Star Trek 2 stuff, you nerd. [Pajiba]
Gwyneth Paltrow is making demands on Beyonce now. [Amy Grindhouse]
Katy Perry will win a man with her cooking skills. [Yeeeah]
Was Paltrow also the Best at the Os...
Is there anything that Gwyneth Paltrow can't do? Really, I'm not trying to be a smart ass here or anything, I'm just wondering if anyone knows of one thing that Gwyneth Paltrow cannot do, because I'm having a hard time. She can sing and dance, she can save your relationship, and she can pull off a formal cape. Oh, and she can also predict the future, because she's already claiming to know all that lies ahead for Beyonce's little bundle of joy, Blue Ivy.
From Us Weekly:
She's only seven-w...
Just yesterday, I told you all that Lindsay Lohan was going to be on The Today Show this week. Remember that? And we all got excited that Lindsay might finally be pulling it together, and we held hands in a circle and sent positive vibes her way? Yeah, you remember. The interview was actually done yesterday, and guess what! We have excerpts!
From NBC:
MATT LAUER:
There was a time when we talked last time, where I think you didn't want to talk about a lot of things. Because I think,...
"Angelina Jolie looked like a fool the way she posed. She took herself right out of that superstar category because you now realize she stands in front of a mirror to figure out what she looks like. Have you ever seen anybody stand with their hand on a hip with a leg thrown out to open an envelope? No, and you want to say, ‘You idiot! You’ve brought us back to the fact that you used to wear blood around your neck and French kiss your brother!’”
Oh dear. That day has finally come. It'...
Sigh. But some of you do, and I'm not going to cheat those of you who watch this show out of the necessary knowledge that's come down the pipe. Like how they've chosen the cast of character's for this season's season season's season, and it's composed of some pretty random (and some completely obscure) choices. Are you ready for 'em? Here goes. From our good friends at Starpulse, who went to the trouble of defining some of the more "who the f-ck is that" choices:
Jack Wagner is a soap opera ...
Am I the only one completely tickled to death that it says - right next to Megan's flawless visage - 'What he wants to SEE during sex'? I mean, come on! Duh! This is a no-brainer! Megan Fox would be the answer to that question, but the editors of Cosmo wanted to be all sly about it and test your sensibilities. Did you pass or did you fail?
In her latest interview, Megan's not talking about international geography thankfully, but she's talking about something that's considered maybe even more...
Jessica Simpson's pregnancy is rapidly advancing. [The Superficial]
Katy Perry is Amy Winehouse? [Bitten and Bound]
Tisdale has a boyfriend! [Starpulse]
What Lindsay will be doing on SNL. [The Superficial]
Two bizarre men who are vying for Katy Perry's attentions. [Bossip]
What Taylor Swift looks like sans makeup. [Socialite Life]
More Attention Whoring 101. [Celebslam]
WOW, Frieda Pinto. Wow. [Yeeeah]
Madonna's new album art is LOL. [The Blemish]
The couple behind the kissing-Marine video. [OMGBlog]
You'll die when you hear who Alexander Skarsgard ...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize.
Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez photo: Bob
"After a messy breakup with Justin Bieber,...
You guys! Look! It's little baby Lady Gaga, way back when she was just some 19-year-old girl named Stefani who waited tables at a restaurant and liked to jam on the piano! How sweet!
The photo shoot was done by a photographer named Malgorzata Saniewska, who was, at one point, working as a bartender at a restaurant where Lady Gaga worked as a waitress. Lady Gaga, being the friendly lady she is, gave Malgorzata a CD of her first single, and Malgorzata decided that little Stefani would b...
Or, no, let's make this perfectly clear: Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend Justin Theroux got a puppy together. As a couple. It's their puppy. Got it?
Really, that part doesn't matter all that much, or it doesn't to me, anyway. No, what matters to me is OMG PUPPIES. I don't think I have to tell you how I feel about fuzzy, adorable, lovable, perfect little critter angels, do I? I love animals so much, and when I get to tell you guys a wonderful story about a celebrity loving animals too, it j...
The moment that Heidi Klum knew she had to kill herself. [The Superficial]
Hot Royal Dudes. [The Frisky]
Chris Brown is singing Rihanna's songs now. [TMZ]
Snooki and J Woww are filming their reality spin-off. [Socialite Life]
Kate Upton for Carl Jr's. It's hot. [Starpulse]
Angelina Jolie is trying really, really hard. [Lainey Gossip]
Star Trek 2 stuff, you nerd. [Pajiba]
Gwyneth Paltrow is making demands on Beyonce now. [Amy Grindhouse]
Katy Perry will win a man with her cooking skills. [Yeeeah]
Was Paltrow also the Best at the Os...