It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s David Hasselhoff photo: Anonymous
"David Hasselhoff: Sweatin’ to the Oldies"
F...
I know, I know, it's a little hard to keep track of all the former lovers of Kris Jenner, but the one I'm talking about right now is Todd Waterman. Todd is a man that Kris Jenner slept with while she was married to Robert Kardashian, but he is not the man who is almost certainly Khloe's biological father. He is also not O.J. Simpson, but man, Kris Jenner sure got around, didn't she?
But this is not about Kris Jenner and all the men she cheated on her husband with. This is about Kris Jenne...
Because it was so good. Kim spent the entire episode going back and forth between bawling her eyes out and being a total bitch. It was a wild and crazy adventure, and if you love to trash talk the Kardashians, then it was something you must see.
If you didn't see it though, it's not a big deal. Not only did I watch it, but I watched and took notes so I could go over some of the highlights from the episode with you guys. Are you ready for this?
If you haven't been watching, last night's episode was the second part of the season fina...
I have a problem with words, and I know that. Words have the ability to bother me a lot more than they should. Like when people use phrases like "I grilled him for answers," that bugs the hell out of me. I'm always like, "shut up, you didn't grill anyone, what is wrong with you? Why would you think cooking someone would make him want to talk to you?" Another thing is when people say things like "ugh, she's being so bipolar right now," have you heard anything like that? I think a more com...
I'm going to be real right quick: I kind of hate Katy Perry, so whenever I hear anything about her divorce from Russell Brand, I automatically go into the mindset of "ugh, Katy Perry, what a bitch." I can't help it. In my eyes, Russell is a darling angel and Katy Perry is the devil. Do you hear me? She is the devil. So when you read this report about how Katy and Russell broke up because of Katy's involvement with cocaine, I want you to make your own decisions, because I can't be impartial here.
...
Guess the guys at Honda just couldn't wait for the Super Bowl to release Matthew Broderick's 'Ferris Bueller'-themed commercial, because here it is. And it's cute, I get it. It's a spoof of Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. If you've ever seen the movie, you'll know that a lot of it's almost verbatim. Cute what they did there.
However, this commercial did nothing more than further convince me that Matthew Broderick is a gay man trying to live a straight man's life while avoiding sex with Sarah Jessica Parker. The video screams it. What would Matthew Broderick be doing if he weren't married to Sarah Jessica Parker? Well, probably a lot more than what he's done in the past decade or so. He'd probably be doing more movies, more television appearances, more Broadway shows. But because his inert gayness sort of ekes its way into every crevice of each project he touches with his magic, Sarah Jessica Parker probably keeps him and whatever talent he's got way down under lock and key, because why. Because Sarah Jessica Parker wouldn't be able to deal with the public's interest that their marriage failed because both of them hated her vagina.
But she's got to look at it this way: Fran Drescher went through it. And it kind of brought her career back, I guess. Her career at least survived it. I mean, she gets interviews where she talks about aliens for f-ck's sake. If that doesn't say "Woo-hoo VIVA LA REVIVAL!" then I don't know what does.
All I know is that maybe if SJP occasionally let Matthew off the hook on the wall in the bathroom, he might be able to do some interesting stuff. But forever living in the shadow of Parker's phantom mole career is only going to oppress him further.
I feel for you, Matt, and I hope one day you can experience the kind of true freedom that your alter-ego Ferris Bueller always did. You owe him at least that, after all he's really done for you. />
Guess the guys at Honda just couldn't wait for the Super Bowl to release Matthew Broderick's 'Ferris Bueller'-themed commercial, because here it is. And it's cute, I get it. It's a spoof of Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. If you've ever seen the movie, you'll know that a lot of it's almost verbatim. Cute what they did there.
However, this commercial did nothing more than further convince me that Matthew Broderick is a gay man trying to live a straight man's life while avoiding ...
Blake Lively's girl drama cost her a job. [Lainey Gossip]
Katy Perry has blue hair and bad shoe taste. [theBERRY]
Q&A with that hot Alcatraz star. [Starpulse]
How about some Jennifer Lopez bathing suit photos? [The Superficial]
The Celine Dion crowd-flash. [Socialite Life]
Will Obama be performing with Al Green? [TMZ]
What it costs to make Charlize Theron look good. [The Frisky]
Jess Simpson complains about "pregnancy face." [Cele|bitchy]
Are you ready for MDNA? [Popbytes]...
I know, I was just as surprised as you probably were. And you know what? As weird as it is to say, this news makes me happy. I mean, girlfriend eats. I'm not saying that she does anything crazy like keeps it down or anything, but going for the high-calorie stuff like hotdogs and bread and mustard. Wow. Color me impressed. These photos were taken at this past weekend's Dallas Mavericks basketball game, where other people of note (like Khloe Kardashian) were in attendance. LeAnn, if you were unawa...
Seriously. What the hell is the matter with these people? Do they not do their research? I mean, why not be obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith? Or maybe, I don't know, Elizabeth Bathory? Honestly, REALLY go off the deep end with our unhealthy role models. Wouldn't that be the best route at this point? Kind of cut out the middle-man altogether?
But yes, it's true, folks: Rihanna is the latest celebrity obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and her tortured life and addictions and fame and self-esteem i...
This is what they're teaching our kids. You wonder why we've got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country---they've been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff. Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon's Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced movie, all of that is what they're teaching, is that corporations is bad, the oil industry is bad, and ultimately what they're telling kids is what they told you in the movie The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old mother Earth.
The Muppets Movie just premiered in London, and Kermit and Miss Piggy answered questions during a press conference. One journalist asked whether the two had any response to FOX News's recent allegations of "brainwashing" kids to hate "Big Oil."
Kermit describes FOX's assertion as "categorically not true.
"And besides, if we had a problem with oil companies, why would we have spent the entire film riding around in a gas-guzzling Rolls Royce?"
Miss Piggy interjects: "It's almost as laughable as accusing FOX News as, uh… y'know, being news!"
"Boy, that's gonna be all over the Internet!" Kermit admonishes her. "You are in such deep water!"
"Yeah," she says dismissively. "Yeah, if they take what I say seriously, they've got a real big problem."
You guys, this actually happened. Mind-blowing. />
Remember last month when FOX News accused the newest Muppets movie of being anti-American?
At the time, Dan Gainor of the Media Research Center went on the record saying:
This is what they're teaching our kids. You wonder why we've got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country---they've been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff. Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon's Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced m...
I have a bone to pick with Celebitchy. Ordinarily we are on the same page, but this time, the blog has gone TOO FAR. The headline there reads "Christina Aguilera Embarrasses Herself at Etta James' Funeral." WRONG.
Now, it is true that Aguilera's version of Etta James' "At Last" was overwrought. It is true that the girl knows how to wail. It is also true that, when Aguilera's voice finally drops, low and soft, you wonder why the entire song couldn't have been demure instead of brash. And lastly, it is true that Christina's bronzer started to run. Gross.
So while I agree the song could have been soft and sweet, it was instead very Christina. Fine.
But it would be so terrifying to sing such a famous song at such an important event, I'm figuring. How can you give a song like that your "own spin"? How do you make it your own?
Christina Aguilera has long been one of my favorite voices, and anyway, you gotta know your audience. This girl knows her audience, for sure, because when she concludes her vocal acrobatics, the audience cheers and jumps to its feet. Christina got a standing ovation! How many people can say they got a standing ovation at a funeral? I ask you.
Now, if I were to change any one thing about Christina's performance, I would add another camisole to her ensemble. I mean, seriously. The boobs, Christina! Put them away!
What do you guys think? Am I wrong? Is Celebitchy's take more on the money? Did Christina Aguilera showboat at Etta James' funeral?
Or did Christina Aguilera hit all the right notes? />
I have a bone to pick with Celebitchy. Ordinarily we are on the same page, but this time, the blog has gone TOO FAR. The headline there reads "Christina Aguilera Embarrasses Herself at Etta James' Funeral." WRONG.
Now, it is true that Aguilera's version of Etta James' "At Last" was overwrought. It is true that the girl knows how to wail. It is also true that, when Aguilera's voice finally drops, low and soft, you wonder why the entire song couldn't have been demure instead of brash. And lastly, ...
EW, Christina Aguilera. Seriously, EW. [The Superficial]
Marion Cotillard and Joaquin Phoenix? OH YES. [Lainey Gossip]
Did Wiz Khalifa make Amber Rose get a face tattoo? [Bossip]
JEDI: Do or do not. [theBERRY]
Stacy Keibler: busted or not? [Cele|bitchy]
Jennifer Aniston's showing leg. [Starpulse]
Tila Tequila got some new implants. [The Superficial]
Brad Pitt's under pressure. [Amy Grindhouse]
A test-tube chandelier? [The Frisky]
Jon Gosselin is back on the market, ladies! [IC...
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!
We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!
The winner on last week’s David Hasselhoff photo: Anonymous
"David Hasselhoff: Sweatin’ to the Oldies"
F...
I know, I know, it's a little hard to keep track of all the former lovers of Kris Jenner, but the one I'm talking about right now is Todd Waterman. Todd is a man that Kris Jenner slept with while she was married to Robert Kardashian, but he is not the man who is almost certainly Khloe's biological father. He is also not O.J. Simpson, but man, Kris Jenner sure got around, didn't she?
But this is not about Kris Jenner and all the men she cheated on her husband with. This is about Kris Jenne...
Because it was so good. Kim spent the entire episode going back and forth between bawling her eyes out and being a total bitch. It was a wild and crazy adventure, and if you love to trash talk the Kardashians, then it was something you must see.
If you didn't see it though, it's not a big deal. Not only did I watch it, but I watched and took notes so I could go over some of the highlights from the episode with you guys. Are you ready for this?
If you haven't been watching, last night's episode was the second part of the season fina...
I have a problem with words, and I know that. Words have the ability to bother me a lot more than they should. Like when people use phrases like "I grilled him for answers," that bugs the hell out of me. I'm always like, "shut up, you didn't grill anyone, what is wrong with you? Why would you think cooking someone would make him want to talk to you?" Another thing is when people say things like "ugh, she's being so bipolar right now," have you heard anything like that? I think a more com...
I'm going to be real right quick: I kind of hate Katy Perry, so whenever I hear anything about her divorce from Russell Brand, I automatically go into the mindset of "ugh, Katy Perry, what a bitch." I can't help it. In my eyes, Russell is a darling angel and Katy Perry is the devil. Do you hear me? She is the devil. So when you read this report about how Katy and Russell broke up because of Katy's involvement with cocaine, I want you to make your own decisions, because I can't be impartial here.
...
Blake Lively's girl drama cost her a job. [Lainey Gossip]
Katy Perry has blue hair and bad shoe taste. [theBERRY]
Q&A with that hot Alcatraz star. [Starpulse]
How about some Jennifer Lopez bathing suit photos? [The Superficial]
The Celine Dion crowd-flash. [Socialite Life]
Will Obama be performing with Al Green? [TMZ]
What it costs to make Charlize Theron look good. [The Frisky]
Jess Simpson complains about "pregnancy face." [Cele|bitchy]
Are you ready for MDNA? [Popbytes]...
I know, I was just as surprised as you probably were. And you know what? As weird as it is to say, this news makes me happy. I mean, girlfriend eats. I'm not saying that she does anything crazy like keeps it down or anything, but going for the high-calorie stuff like hotdogs and bread and mustard. Wow. Color me impressed. These photos were taken at this past weekend's Dallas Mavericks basketball game, where other people of note (like Khloe Kardashian) were in attendance. LeAnn, if you were unawa...
Seriously. What the hell is the matter with these people? Do they not do their research? I mean, why not be obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith? Or maybe, I don't know, Elizabeth Bathory? Honestly, REALLY go off the deep end with our unhealthy role models. Wouldn't that be the best route at this point? Kind of cut out the middle-man altogether?
But yes, it's true, folks: Rihanna is the latest celebrity obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and her tortured life and addictions and fame and self-esteem i...
EW, Christina Aguilera. Seriously, EW. [The Superficial]
Marion Cotillard and Joaquin Phoenix? OH YES. [Lainey Gossip]
Did Wiz Khalifa make Amber Rose get a face tattoo? [Bossip]
JEDI: Do or do not. [theBERRY]
Stacy Keibler: busted or not? [Cele|bitchy]
Jennifer Aniston's showing leg. [Starpulse]
Tila Tequila got some new implants. [The Superficial]
Brad Pitt's under pressure. [Amy Grindhouse]
A test-tube chandelier? [The Frisky]
Jon Gosselin is back on the market, ladies! [IC...