You guys have played that wonderful classic, “Marry, Kill, Fuck,” right? If not, it’s pretty easy: someone names three people (or things or places, but that’s more for advanced and/or drunk players), and you decide which one you’d marry, which one you’d kill, and which one you’d fuck. It’s one of my very favorites, so I thought I’d play with you guys, you know, in order to enhance our relationship and learn more about one another.
Here are your choices:
1. Charlie Sheen. This guy definitely knows how to party. With him, you could stay up for days, just hanging out and jamming to Train. And hey, if he can afford to put gold in his mouth, he can afford to put gold on your finger. On the downside, there’s a good chance he’d ruin Christmas by pulling a knife on you.
2. Jesse James. Ok, the thing with Jesse is that he has a definite type, so if you’re not super trashy, covered in tattoos, or at least a brunette, things probably wouldn’t work, even in the imaginary sense. And if you’re Jewish, you also probably want to move along. Good news though: Jesse’s almost on wife number four, so he’s got to be really good at romancing a lady!
3. Scott Disick. Now this fella here knows about fashion, and that’s a definite plus. I’m sure you could spend your days roaming around fancy shops without a care in the world unless, of course, you’re marginally heavier or less attractive than Kourtney Kardashian, in which case you’d constantly hear things like “You’re disgusting, I would kill myself if I looked like you! Look at you, you whale!”
So what will it be, friends?
Marry: Scott Disick. He’s the definitely best of this crowd (not saying much).
Fuck: Jesse James. It might be fun?
Kill: Too messed up to be any good.
Kill, kill and kill
Marry Charlie.
Fuck Jesse.
Kill Scott. Cuz I’m not that tiny.
Marry Chaaaaaarlie (hello money! LOL)
Kill Jesse (Antisemitism: Ugh need I say more?)
Fuck Scott (if I must…) lol
This was one of the hardest things to do lol
Grody. What a dismal selection. Jesse James looks hairy and sticky, like an old, forgotten lollipop that was left under a car seat for a few years. He needs to go.
Scott Disick reminds me of a thin-nosed version of Christian Bale playing Patrick Bateman in “American Psycho” (although Patrick Bateman is probably more personable). If I couldn’t see his face I guess I’d do him if I had to. But he would have to promise not to tell anyone.
I have nothing bad to say about Charlie Sheen. I don’t care enough about him to have an opinion, wich is the #1 ingredient for a marriage of convenience! I’d marry him for his money and be totally OK with him seeing other people, as long as we could have separate bedrooms.
I feel filthy.
Marry Charlie Sheen. Despite his problems he’s the richest and you’d get a monthly allowance when you divorce.
Fsck Scott Disick because he’s OK looking but not rich and pretty much worthless.
Kill Jesse James. If you can’t figure out why I feel sorry for you.
Marry Scott
Fuck Jesse
Kill Charlie
marry Charlie Sheen…the money from the divorce could support my inevitable drug habit
fuck Jesse. I’m jewish, so he’d probably give it to me nice and rough.
kill Scott. dickhead.
Marry Jesse, Fuck Charle, Kill Scott. Easy.
Fuck Charlie
Kill Jesse after starving, beating and making him watch all his friends and family die horrible deaths, the fucking piece of shit nazi
Kill Scott
Marry Charlie, it would be fun while it lasted, and then I’d be rich once we divorced!
Kill Jesse, he is a douche.
Fuck Scott.. I wouldn’t want to, but I guess he’s alright enough looking : )
Marry Charlie – hey, I liked him in The Three Musketeers, fuck Jesse (one of those hatred man you’re a terrible person sex romps) and KILL Scott. He’s just got that doucebag look which is so popular these days. Like look at my hair it’s so gelled. And giving Kourtney attitude about post baby weight…fuck you, Scott.
if you chose “fuck charlie” then, congrats! you just contracted hypothetical herp.
paige, don’t know if you’ve heard but there’s a BRAND NEW product on the market called a condom. You should google it and learn more.