Happy Birthday Britney Spears – Now Stop Dyeing Your Eyebrows, K?

Today is Britney Spears’ big day! The princess of pop turns 29 today and has much to celebrate about, and I am here to give you the top ten things that Brit-Brit should be thanking her lucky stars for on her very special day.

10. Selling over 100 million records worldwide – and counting!
I’ve never been a massive fan of her music, but I have to admit: her early music was the hotness. My best friend bought me the ‘Oops! … I Did It Again’ disc for my eighteenth birthday (oh, shush, don’t pretend you didn’t love questionable music when you were younger too) and it was constantly on shuffle in my car the summer after high school graduation.

9. She has a claim of notoriety in doing the pork sausage polka with Justin Timberlake. Enough said.

8. People actually believed her when she said that she was going to be a virgin ’til marriage. I really liked that bit.

7. Her children, though initially removed, were ultimately returned to her. That’s always a good thing, and even though she went a bit off for awhile, you can tell that she just wuvs those wittle babies and wants to pet them and love them and make them all her own.

6. That pesky conservatorship is still going strong, but it’s been for the best, right? … Right, Dad?

5. Even though she went crack-nut crazy, and that’s never good, she really rocked that the hell out of that pink wig.  I think Britney was probably at her second or third hottest when she donned the magenta nylon.

4. She split up with Kevin Federline. Best move of the decade, IMO.

3. She only spent a day in that drug rehab facility in Antigua. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, rehab works, y’all!

2. She won Best Female Video, Best Pop Video, and Video of the Year for ‘Piece of Me’ in 2008, despite all of her issues and trials – no, really, I think that’s actually pretty amazing and empowering.

1. She’s still alive, kicking, and doing her thing.

Happy Birthday, girl. I’m looking forward to your new album in 2011!