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A Note from Management

March 22, 2010
Evil Beet
Uncategorized
68 Comments

We are so totally bummed that the phenomenal Kelly Hays has decided to leave the team here at Evil Beet. I couldn’t possibly have been more impressed with her during the year she’s worked here. If I tried to write a post about everything that’s exceptional about Kelly as a writer, there wouldn’t be room for anything else on this site. She is whip-smart and hilarious and a delight to work with. She will be missed terribly, but I know we all look forward to reading whatever next emerges from that spectacular brain of hers. Thank you, Kelly, for giving up your weekends for a year to share your talent with us.

The very talented Sarah Spangenberg will be filling in for Kelly’s weekend spot in the short term. In the long term, Sarah is going to join the (also very talented) Molls on the weekday writing tip. We’re excited to have her writing regularly here on the Beet.

What this means? We’re going to be hiring a new weekend writer. Hooray! There will be more details about the gig and how to apply later in this week, so stay tuned. (And please don’t apply right now. Seriously, don’t. Just stay tuned. I’ll tell you when to apply, I promise.)

68 CommentsLeave a comment

    • No, the worst news is you actually getting an avatar. ‘Cause whoever you are in that photo, you are the WORST. Grow the fuck up. Really.

      • Hey, Rafi! Thanks for the kind words. I’ve actually had an avatar since Beet first implemented the system however long ago. So thanks for your words of kindness!

      • Is it still a fail if I actually meant it? Ok, fine; I was definitely being sarcastic. I have had an avatar for a very long time, though.

        How should I respond to these sort of angry comments, anonymous? I’m looking for advice for my future posts.

        inb4 don’t post at all

      • Well, if you really want advice…

        1.) You don’t need to defend yourself. A random jibe does not warrant an explanation. “But I actually did have this and that, blah blah..” makes you sound like a whiny pansy.

        [Corollary: If you really *have* to defend yourself, at least show some balls.]

        2.) If you absolutely *must* try sarcasm, it has to be witty. (I’m not sure this can be learned – if you don’t have a knack, don’t go there.)

        3.) Avoid phrase redundancy, eg. “kind words” followed by “words of kindness”. That makes your post sound like you had nothing new to say but said it anyway.

        Oh and if you weren’t *actually* asking for advice, then that’s sarcasm fail #2.

      • You know, it’s funny that I didn’t really give a shit about your advice and you spent your time writing all of that shit. I hope you’re not the same Anonymous who told me to get a life.

      • Ah, I see – sarcasm fail #2. As I said: if you don’t have a knack, don’t go there.

        And if you believe that my “writing all of that shit” (or this reply) takes time or effort, that tells me more about your limitations than it does about my post.

  • hey beet – did you purposely change the settings on the RSS feed so the whole piece no longer publishes to the feed?

  • noo i loved kelly
    and sorry, but sarah just doesn’t do it for me
    neither does molls
    please please please will someone descent apply?

  • Ugh. Sarah sucks major fucking balls.

    And what’s wrong with this god damn website?

    It’s the only one that posts like 3 posts a day and changes writers every few months.

    Fuck, hate to say this, but Perez is better x 10 no matter how much of a douche he is.

    Get your act together

    • You should be aware that Perez hires writers as well, but he is, in fact, not better because he isn’t honest with his audience and does not admit or announce that he has writers on staff. So. There’s that.

      • Whoever Perez uses CANNOT spell or properly construct sentences. Misspellings of ordinary words that most 8th graders can spell are legion. Hard to believe that he makes the kind of money that he does for a poorly written blog.

  • I have been reading Beet for a long time. I used to check the site at work for gossip updates. Totally gay (Who uses gay that way?). But it all hinged on Beet’s ability to be thought provoking. I think I was way more interested in Beet’s life than what was going on in Hollywood. When she started to add writers I used to look forward to her entries cause they still had some edge. Now, it seems all pretty robotic with barely a pulse. Kelly was ok but Molls is the definition of “tragically hip”. It appears that dvd of Juno was on heavy rotation. Anyway, not that it matters of course, but Beet you have lost yet another faithful. I will miss your unique style.

    • Hell yes, “tragically hip” sums her up so well. I sometimes wonder if she’s a 70 year old who spies on her adolescent grandchildren and tries to copy whatever she assumes is “cool”.

      Ain’t that so, homegirl babygirl, whatevah, right!

  • First of all ” FUCK OFF WENDIE”. I thought your dumb ass left this site because you had better things to do. As of late your stupid/ugly ass has come around more than the people who actually work here. Your sorry you left, aren’t you, you worthless piece of shit?

    And Beet, why the sorrow for Kelly having left? You had to have fired her ass. Why would anyone (Kelly) leave a position that entails doing nothing but pounding out an occasional comment on a keyboard if they hadn’t been forced out? She was a good writer. Did she want more money, and you told her to go fuck herself? She even said herself she isn’t going to be doing anything now. How can both people in a situation be sorry? Someone is fucking lying in this bull shit story.

  • I love how all the writers this blog has (and has had) are “talented”. No, not even “talented”- “phenomenally” talented, “very” talented, “incredibly” talented. LOL.
    Reminds me of Lake Wobegon on Prairie Home Companion- where “all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.”

    • Hahaha! I noticed that, too. I’m starting to wonder if “talented” isn’t some new kind of PR/marketing term that people use as a vague, unquantifiable blanket description… I mean, you get to flatter someone, and they don’t feel snubbed, and yet you didn’t actually say anything concrete about their abilities, since recognition of “talent” is subjective. You can lie without lying…

      WTG, Sasha, you’re really getting the hang of this “mass production of poor quality shored up by good PR” shit; soon you’ll be selling EB t-shirts in China, wheee!

    • I agree. There is no such thing as “phenomenally talented” when you’ve written on a blog only on weekends for just a year. Seriously? I would call someone “phenomenally talented” that had the style, accuracy, and experience to back up their writing.

      Incidentally, I have more writing talent in my little finger than both Molls and Sarah but Beet would never hire me because I call her on her B.S.- like letting this site go to ruin.

      • See, the funny thing is that Beet would not hire you not because you “call her on her B.S.”, but because you have to at least have a certain likability factor which, I’m sorry, but you do not possess.

        If you have so much writing talent, “back it up” as you say with an example of style, accuracy and experience.

        Christ Jesus.

      • True that! Sarah writes grammatically correct but I just don’t like the way she expresses herself. She has a very low likability factor on this site. She is better suited to her high brow musings at Zelda Lilly.

      • That’s my whole argument. If I was hired, I would show you that I have all of those qualities- including likability. But, I’m not going to post one of my articles in the comments, thanks.

        Also, the primary reason why I would not be hired is because I have complained repeatedly about the decline of the site overall and no one will hire someone who feels that way about their baby. I’m sure there are other reasons too, like how I’m so unlikable. Haha.

      • No, I just think that people would get sick of you, like, yesterday. You come across as the be-all, end-all of false knowledge. It’s really kind of grating. You have zero likability. All of your comments show that. Bitterness will never get you ahead.

      • I don’t know about the other two posts, but I was referring to the “very talented Molls” part.

        I actually do like Kelly…. but seriously now, she is neither “spectacular” nor “exceptional”. If Sasha called me any such thing, I wouldn’t be remotely flattered, seeing as she hands out gratuitous hyperbole so evenhandedly. Her PC “everyone is equally fan-fucking-tastic” compliments end up meaning nothing.

      • Correction: her compliments are *worse* than nothing. The aspiring writers who show promise probably get discouraged when they get lumped together with talentless hacks, while the hacks are encouraged to keep writing…. you know, cos their (sic) so gr8 babygirl!!

    • I didn’t mean to imply that the writers were bad writers, just to take a little jab at the rather repetitive way they are described. I’m of the philosophy that if you use a descriptor too often, it loses it’s meaning.

  • Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site- A_ge_m_in_g l e @ c//o//m a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.

  • Why do I feel that comments are missing from this post? I feel like I’m either going crazy or I wrote Kelly a goodbye post that is now missing along with several other posts that were written by other people.