In a recent blog she wrote for website Big Hollywood, former SNL cast member Victoria Jackson proved she’s either stopped taking her pills, or started taking some really funky new ones when she penned this meandering, nonsensical diatribe about farts, the word ‘fuck’, and… White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.
See if you can make any sense out of it.
Rahm Emanuel. (I’m shaking my head slowly). It’s not his real name you know. “Emmanuel” means “God with us” and that is not his real name. It’s Auerbach. Look it up. And…Rahm means “high” or “lofty.” Mark Levin calls him “the creepy ballerina.” I think he looks like the devil. I’m just saying. He talks like the devil. I’m sure you heard that he called the Democrats “F—ing retards.” Everyone got mad at the Retard word and no one got mad at the “F” word. My dad said that people only make fun of the reproductive and excretory systems of the human body and no one should because God made the human body and it is a masterpiece.
What is it with all these people throwing the “F” word around like a basketball?
I never heard the word until I was about 23 and entering show business. Show business people say it all the time. It’s vulgar and stupid. It’s what kids on the playground say to prove they are tough because they are really insecure. My brother said it comes from the German word “fricktin” – to plow.
My daughter when she was 8 asked me if she was allowed to say F-A-R-T. I said, “Absolutely not. Even if we weren’t Christians, it is not lady like. Besides, when do you ever need to say it? When someone does one you are supposed to pretend you didn’t smell or hear it. That’s polite.”“Pleasssse Mommy,” she pleaded. “Everybody says it. Even my teachers.”
“Well, we don’t say it. We say Putt Putt. Aubbie is a nut. She has a rubber butt. And every time she turns around it goes putt putt. My Mom taught me that.”
“What?! Everyone would make fun of me if I said that.”
“Why do you have to be like everyone? Why don’t you be a trendsetter? Call it a razzamatazz. I bet everyone will copy you. But, wait, when do you have to say this?”
“Jasmine talks about it all the time.”
“Oh. Jasmine who stole your lunch money and talks about sex?”
“Can I say Fert?”
I finally said, “Honey, if you start with the bad words, like F-A-R-T, it leads to F-U-C-K and that leads to cigarettes, and that leads to alcohol, and that leads to pot, then coke, and then heroin.”
“Mommy, you think if I say Fert, I will become a heroin addict.”
“Yep…or worse, Rahm Emanuel. Good Night!”
I would say she’s been possessed by the vengeful spirit of Courtney Love, but the spelling is too good. Also, Courtney Love isn’t dead yet (somehow).
LOVE.IT.
Masterpiece!
I get it. Totally!
I actually smirked & was amused.
Thanks for making my ‘ painting the house Sunday’ a smiley one.
What a total nut job. I don’t let my 9 year old say fart either, but what a frickin leap from fart to heroin addict to Rahm Emanuel. I’m actually much more strict than this wacko. My daughter is not even allowed to say “that’s stupid” or “your stupid”.
What about you’re stupid?
I get your dig, dumb ass. But, no, she isn’t allowed to call anyone or anything stupid. I would, however, make an exception for you, because you truly are stupid.
I can’t stand all these little brats running around constantly calling everyone and everything stupid. My daughter is polite as a Southern belle.
You prohibit “stupid” but “dumb ass” is acceptable?
Yeah, well I’m 34 and I’m on an adult oriented web site which my daughter doesn’t read. I’m also one of those parents who makes their kid sit next to them with the laptop when they are online.
Plus, as I have stated in another post, I’ve said shit one time in front of my daughter when she was about 4. It was an accident.
By no means am I mother Theresa. I love wine and sex way too much for that. Once again, I’ve never been drunk in front of her and in the 9 years she has been alive, I have NEVER had a man spend the night or have sex when she is with me. Her dad gets her 50% of the time and I use my private time to enjoy adult time.
omg-you’re crazy.
Hells yeah.
I have three distinct personas: mommy-Lisa, work-Lisa, and private-Lisa. I wouldn’t have it any other way, baby.
lisa, why do you feel the need to explain in such detail to complete strangers? we just don’t care, baby.
The more relevant question is why do I feel the need to defend myself to complete strangers. And to that, I don’t have an answer.
The answer to your question, however, is because this blog, and blogs in general, provide people with a place to dialog, share personal stories, laugh, connect, or dis-connect etc. It also provides the opportunity for haters to hate. It’s all part and parcel of the forum, love. Which, I happen to love.
Let me know if you have any more questions, okay?
Crazy eyes!
Like anyone should trust anything that comes out of this woman’s mouth.
Creepy ballerina? I’d say he’s a hot, sexy, Jewish danseur! I totally would have partnered with him in ballet class.
me too! dancers unite!
She and Ann Colter are both in a position to know what the devil looks like, based on their close-up and personal relationship with Beelzebub.
And since when does a Christian go around judging by appearances and then saying that someone looks like the devil?
I think that evil is penetrating her brain through her sparkly pink hair ornament and corrupting her Christian values.
Well I think she looks like a cracked-out Tinkerbell in Wal-Mart so I guess we’re even.
Any hope that this was all ironic?
She has spewed far-right whackery like this before.
Waiit a second!
This isn’t “far-right” whackery! This is plain bat-shit crazy.
I think the entire Catholic church, which is mostly left aside from a few issues, would dispute that assertion. (The assumption that Christianity is automatically far-right. There are far-right Christians and there are far-left ones. Crazy is on both sides of the fence.)
Is it because she picked on Rahm? The Democrats are after his head as he’s the scapegoat for the current anti-democrat wave.
Both sides hate him right now; although it is somewhat undeserved, the guy did make a ton of enemies. They are mostly on the left.
My thought as well
I applaud her in trying to install decent behavior in her children.I work at a high school for the last 5 years & it really disgust me that the kids can’t say 1 whole sentence w/o cursing. A clear sign that liberals don’t get it.there needs to be some respect& responsibility taught and used by these kids!
I’m glad you recognize that many children lack decent behavior, but that is a societal problem rather than a far right or liberal problem. My daughter’s father and I agree on basically one thing: how to raise our daughter. I’m liberal and he’s ultra conservative. But, we’ve both tried to instill good manners, respect for herself and others, and obedience in her from the time she was a baby.
She’s not perfect, but she really makes an effort and I am so proud of her.
Right, kids swear because the liberals don’t get it. Because conservatives never swear. EVER. Especially around kids. You know, I spilled my coffee this morning and I just know it’s because of those damn liberals making everyone think it’s OK to spill coffee. We gotta do something.
Lisa dear, she was being sarcastic. It’s called humour.
Oh.
Well maybe it’s too early in the morning or it’s my 103 degree fever :-(, but I’m not sure if you mean Roger or anonymous. I think both were just saying what they feel, and not in a sarcastic way.
Thank you! I though it was hilarious too!
After reading Esa’s reply, I see you meant Victoria was being sarcastic!
Humor is different for everyone. I thought she sounded totally nuts, but whatever. I also thought her blurb was indeed her true feelings regarding Rahm and the progression from fart to anti-social heroin addict, but who knows other than Victoria.
I’ve only seen bits and pieces of SNL– I’ve never seen a full show. I’ve never found the dialog funny, but that’s okay because millions of other people do find it funny. It takes all kinds to make the world go round…
you’re nuts, lady.
Don’t I know it! Sometimes I don’t even make sense to myself– that is when you know your thinking may very well be totally fucked up. But, hey, I am who I was born to be and I just have to wear it as a badge of honor.
you can wear it as a badge of honor in REALITY, sure, that’s great, but you don’t have to respond to every little criticism on here. who cares? you do too much it seems. blogs are for leaving your 2 cents, and then split! being here to respond to every little thing is just pathetic. you’re making me want to stop reading comments altogether. i think i will now. bye bye!
What’s wrong with the word “fart”? Is saying the word “burp” okay? Or how about “cough” or “sneeze”?
I can understand one would like ones children to show some manners and not curse but c’mon… !
damn.! what a psycho. all i wanted to see was Vicky dressed provocativly. I remember her on SNL dressed in a red mini skirt in a christmas show,doing a go go dance on the top of the desk used for news broadcast. No bra. and underwear up the crack of her ass. I wonder if she was drunk or high…? I lived off that image for months.
Vicky looks like she ATE Rahm Emanuel.. and possibly a few other family members. Seriously girl, PUT DOWN THE FORK!
You aren’t going to fit into your SS uniform at the next big rally.