Brooke Shields has been pretty open about her struggles with severe depression following the birth of her children. She wrote the book Down Came The Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression, fought publicly with Tom Cruise and appeared Sunday night at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in New York City.
Shields spoke candidly about that time in 2003 and just how close she came to ending it all:
“We think and we feel that we should just be able to handle it on our own,” said the actress, who is mom to two girls, Rowan, 6, and Grier, 3. “I’ve always been strong enough to get through every single difficult situation in my life. I grew up in an addictive household. My mother [Teri] had acute alcoholism. It’s in my blood. I was never going to be the one to succumb to it.”
After a miscarriage and seven IVF attempts, she gave birth to daughter Rowan in 2003 with her husband, TV writer Chris Henchy. “I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn’t look at her,” she said of the depression she felt. “I couldn’t hold her and I couldn’t sing to her and I couldn’t smile at her … All I wanted to do was disappear and die.”
In her deepest moments of despair she said, that the disease led her to believe, “I should not exist. The baby would be better off without me. Life was never going to get better – so I better just go.”
Brooke went to her doctor and ended up on meds. Like many depressed people, she then decided that she didn’t need medication and stopped taking it. It was a mistake that led to “the week I almost did not resist driving my car straight into a wall on the side of the freeway. My baby was in the back seat and that even pissed me off because I thought she’s even ruining this for me. I just wanted to drive into the wall and my friend stayed on the phone with me and made me safely get home.”
After more talks with her doctor, the actress was able to realize that she had a true chemical imbalance that needed to be treated. “I learned what was going on inside my body and what was going on inside my brain. I learned I wasn’t doing anything wrong to feel that way. That it was actually out of my control. If I had been diagnosed with any other disease, I would have run to get help. I would have worn it like a badge … I didn’t at first – but finally I did fight. I survived.”
I applaud Brooke for throwing the cloak off the stigma surrounding mental illness that still seems to exist. Hell, I applaud all celebrities when they use their status to help others, and I imagine that Brooke’s admissions will.
While I didn’t actively think of killing myself when I had PPD, I did fantasize about throwing myself down the stairs every time I walked past them, thinking that maybe if I was in the hospital everyone (the baby) would leave me alone. I didn’t want to hold her, I even said to my husband (when she was a few days old), “It’s not too late to give her up for adoption.”
THANKFULLY, I had not only a supportive husband, a wonderful mother and a fantastic midwife, but also a stable financial situation. Everything was great for me–I just needed medication and, thankfully, got it. I cannot imagine how PPD must be for women who don’t have all I did. I am grateful for a public figure like Brooke for making this her issue.
I threw myself down an escalator once, but it was an UP escalator and it took me right back up.
I’ve never had a baby so I don’t know about PPD, but the words she used to describe the suicidal desire are precisely what I once felt. It’s not “I want to die” it’s more like “I think it would be best if I just leave…” I am happy she’s strong enough to say this to the world, because I’m sure it’s difficult to share.
After the birth of my 2nd son in 1996, I was so severely depressed I did think of killing myself because it would be better for everyone; driving and thinking “if I just moved the steering wheel sharply it would be all over when I hit the telephone pole”. When I had a nervous breakdown and my husband left with the boys because he thought I was going to hurt them, I knew there was something wrong. Meds and therapy helped me and saved my life.
After my wife had our fourth child I had desperate thoughts of running away with a hot looking 19 year old stripper named Stormy. In looking back, I’m glad I decided to stay home and do the right thing, which is to only see Stormy on Wednesday afternoons while my wife is at her therapist.
Oh ha ha ha… ! You’re so funny! Thank you so much for your insight into this subject. I’m sure with a wit like that, you’re busy fighting off all kinds of hot 19yr olds so maybe we could just let you get back to that.
Well, I have to pay for it, but now that you mention it, my wit has gotten me discounts on multiple lap dances.
PPD is a horrible thing. While living with a friend and her husband for a short period of time, she gave birth to a son and immediately went into PPD. She’d forget who and where she was and we’d have to take her to the hospital. She admitted after going on meds that she didn’t even realize I had been staying there at the house helping her take care of her other kids. Her husband ended up kicking me out, blaming me for her depression and ruining his family.
I still want to cut his nuts off for being such a douche, but that’s besides the point.
Just a thought, but maybe he kicked you out of his house because he was fearful you might cut his nuts off.
Maybe it’s just the mother in me, but I really really want someone to vacume that carpet under Brooke’s feet. Ew.
PPD is awful, and for someone like Tom Cruise to say that it can be treated solely with diet and exercise is a slap in the face. Jerk.
I had to scroll back up and look at the carpet, lol… *gets out the dust buster*
And I must reword some of your last sentence: Slap the jerk in the face…. he’s a pompus ass and always has been. The day he’s completely irrelevant will be beautiful. He’s lucky he’s never had to go thru what Brooke, and many other parents, have had to deal with. He wouldn’t survive a minute.
This probably isn’t the right time to mention it, but I just h8 that purse with those shoes.
She has to do something.. anything to thin those horrible manly brows.. ugh.
You may have a higher chance of postpartum depression if you:
Are under age 20
Currently abuse alcohol, take illegal substances, or smoke (these are also serious medical health risks for the baby)
Did not plan the pregnancy or do not want the pregnancy
Had a mood or anxiety disorder prior to pregnancy, including depression with a previous pregnancy
Had something stressful happened to you during the pregnancy, including illness, death or illness of a loved one, a difficult or emergency delivery, premature delivery, or illness or abnormality in the baby
Have a close family member who has had depression or anxiety
Have a poor relationship with your husband, boyfriend, or significant other or are unmarried
Have financial problems (low income, poor housing)
Have little support from family, friends, and a significant other
Previously attempted suicide
Received poor support from your parents in childhood
You forgot cankles. Women with cankles have an 80% higher chance of having PPD, and a 50% better chance of being able to balance a ball on their nose while they stand on one leg like a circus elephant.
Thanks for posting this, it is the first time I’ve been able to look back at situations that happened in my life and know now that they affect me still today.
you’ve got cankles?
Its nice when celebrities or other woman talk about the things that go through your head when you have a baby. It is not always about smiles and being blessed. Sometimes it is a depressing feeling and there is no joy in having a baby. Not every woman falls in love with their babies right away. Sometimes it is a gradual process and even then it can be very difficult. I applaud Brooke for her honesty.
Thank you! I was about to say the same thing. When my son was born, I didn’t have this heavenly feeling of delight. I was scared out of my f**king mind, knowing that for the next year, it was going to be just me and a baby (my husband was overseas). For the first few weeks, I cried several times a day. I only felt better and began to look at my son in a new light when I realized that we were both going to be okay. Fortunately, I never had any suicidal thoughts, but I commend those women who seek help when they know that something just isn’t right.
Here you go again. This is not news. Brooke came out with this stuff literally years ago.
Though it may not be new news… its still an important topic to revisit. You never know when something, like Brooke Shields speaking out,, saves a mother from hurting herself and/or her child.
Yeah, posting this old shit is so goddamn depressing!
I have recurring a form of PPD – Post Paycheck Depression. Sometimes I’m inconsolable, for as long as two weeks.
FUCK Tom Cruise. What the hell does he know about giving birth?! What a fucking moronic bastard.
Sorry. I just really hate Tom Cruise and his smugness.
Oh, don’t kid yourself, he’s given birth to plenty of anonymous mens stall sperm babies.
Hahahaaha. Indeed.
Thanks for this article Wendie. I respect Brooke for speaking out even though she knew she would be judged. It takes a very strong person to refect back on details that are not pleasant to discuss and I am sure she has saved some lives because of it.
Go Brooke!
what i’ve never gotten about depression (not ppd) is if it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain how come it comes and it goes? how can the chemicals in your brain be fine until say, age 24 and then all of a sudden you have a chemical imbalace? i have suffered from depression on and off since childhood, but i never really understood that.
Maybe it’s like MS, which comes and goes.
I was supposed to attend this function, but I was too sad to go.
I’m ashamed to say that I LOL’d at that.