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Avril Lavigne Di4ces Her Sk8er Boi

October 14, 2009
Evil Beet
Avril Lavigne, Deryck Whibley
20 Comments

Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley Divorce Pictures Photos

In perhaps her final act of pop culture relevance, angry scenester and occasional vocalist Avril Lavigne has filed to end her ill-advised marriage to Sum 41 guitarist Deryck Whibley. Let this be a lesson to all of you: Never marry someone who doesn’t know how to spell his own first name. The couple separated in late September, and Avril officially filed for divorce on October 9. They married in July 2006, when Avril was 22 years old, which is how I knew for sure that their love would last forever. Because wealthy and famous 22-year-olds know exactly what they’re going to want for the rest of their lives, and it’s always important for them to try hard to make their marriages work, because it’s not like they have anything to fall back on.

What makes this a particularly gleeful occasion for me (Side note: How hard does Glee rock? Sooo hard. It makes me realize that I probably would have loved High School Musical if I were like 10 years younger. I would totally buy a beach towel with Finn and Rachel on it.), is that back when Avril married this guy, and everyone was all like, “You are so dumb, this will never work,” she was all like, “Everyone else is dumb and this is going to work” and I was all like, “No, Avril, this going to work about as well as Aaliyah’s Cessna” and she was all like, “You’ll all feel silly in forty years when I’m still married to the punk guitarist with whom I shared life goals at the age of 22” and now they’re getting a divorce. I win.

Oh, and Avril’s filing a motion to prevent him from seeking spousal support. I SMELL A SHITSTORM! AND IT SMELLS GOOOOOD!

20 CommentsLeave a comment

  • She has such a freaky smile. I’m not sure what’s up with it, but she should just do the passive face thing.

  • Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
    It’s the same when love comes to an end,
    or the marriage fails and people say
    they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
    said it would never work. That she was
    old enough to know better. But anything
    worth doing is worth doing badly…

    How can they say the marriage failed?…
    I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
    but just coming to the end of his triumph.

      • I’m not one of those “don’t speak ill of the dead” people. I think it’s fine to criticize, make fun or and point out the flaws of dead people. But to make fun of how someone died (especially if it’s sudden and of no fault of the person ) is in very poor taste. No one would make fun of the 9/11 victims or the people who died in Hurricane Katrina, but that is just people being in accidents on a larger scale versus one person.
        There was a Sharon Tate joke made here or on Zelda Lily a while back which I also found objectionable. I’m sure Sharon Tate was a real person with family who cared for and loved her. How would it have been for them to read that post? Same thing with Aaliyah and this post.

      • Really because I’ve heard people make jokes about all of those things… especially 9/11. And I live 15 minutes outside NYC

  • I’m not really surprised. I bet after the divorce, she’s gonna release an album all inspired by their marriage.. Same old, same old.

  • I don’t mean to be a bitch but…………….she really seems like she is being a nasty assed cow bag about the whole thing – he’s been diplomatically quiet – she’s being mean mean mean – they loved each other once, can’t she do this quietly and with a little respect?

  • Beet I love your writing style. I miss the days of when u regularly posted but then u come around with this one and knock it out of the ball park. Funny. Funny. Funny. aaliyah- made me laugh. P.s molls, wendy, kelly also very talented funny writers

  • hey guys – they got married. So what? they were happy at the time, they are not happy together anymore. and thats it! they are divorcing. Marriage forever is something it would be cool to have, but i am grown up enough to watch my parents that are still married – fight like cat&dog. So you know what? I understand that here just a gossip blog, but you girls that are behind it are bigger than the idea of “forever marriage”. I guess we all are stronger enough for a failure marriage. I dont personally like Avril, but she was in love, she got married and they were fucking happy for a bunch of years. And thats whats count!
    So instead of having this “i told you so it didnt work out” a la Perez Hilton, i would like to see more a “kudos for this kids that made it work for this amount of years” a la Evil beet.

    • but… then it would not be funny. hence, it would not be entertaining. this is a gossip blog not a “hey let’s all try to be better people” blog.

  • I just like the fact they’re both keeping quiet. They were a really cute couple and it breaks my little heart to see them get divorced =(