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The One Where the Three-Year-Old Does More Cardio Than I Do

October 13, 2009
Evil Beet
Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise
23 Comments

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise Run Around a Track Pictures Photos

I was in the gym today, “working out,” and training next to me was a male fitness model, all big and toned and wearing, no joke, lululemon women’s hot pants. These, specifically, I think.

He was complaining to his lifting buddy: “I can’t seem to gain weight. I’ve lost ten pounds and I can’t put it back on again.”

I thought I could be of use here. “You could do what I do,” I told him. “Just eat a whole lot.”

He laughed. “Oh, sweetheart, I do,” he said. “I’m eating 3500 calories a day!”

I fake-laughed because the poor sap doesn’t understand the human body at all. “You’re obviously doing it wrong,” I explained. “What I do is eat 3500 calories of refined sugar in the evening before bed. That seems to do the trick.”

Then I told the whole gym about how I ate ice cream with peanut butter in it last night, and they hung on my every word while they ate carrots and bell peppers. Then they all went off to do fitness photo shoots and I went home to eat cookies and write a gossip blog. This is why I am single and they are all having hot sex with each other.

What is the point here?

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise did a few laps around a track in Boston yesterday. The baby doll is winning. Also, if you go through all the photos, you can find a special prize: The one where Suri’s picking her nose on the track. That’s what I call the Evil Beet Workout!

23 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Oh, don’t worry, Sasha. You know they all secretly want to be you. Who wouldn’t want to eat ice cream with peanut butter in it before bed? Seriously?

  • She might be the biggest 3 year-old I have ever seen. If I had to guess, I would have put her at 5 years-old!

    • I was thinking the same thing, and I teach 5 year olds- some smaller than Suri.

      BUT – they look like they are having a great time!!

      • My daughter is the same size as her and is only 3(just turned in July) people always think she is much older and are shocked when they hear her actual age. I’m 5’7″ and her dad is 6’1″, I am wondering how much taller than me she will be. Good job getting your tot to exercise, they benefit just as much as we do (and sleep better too)

  • Wow, Beet I absolutely freaking adore you! I read your blogs every day, I find your commentary hilarous! If you are ever in the Scottsdale AZ area you better let me know so I can treat you to a drink! You deserve it! Keep up the awesome work! Work sucks without you!

  • Beet – I’m so so glad to see you posting more again. Don’t get me wrong; Wendie and Molls are both great, but you have unparalleled wit and such a great writing style.
    I understand you have other sites, and that you need a personal life, but I think everyone (or at least the vast majority of the readers here) miss you when you’re gone.

  • Dear Beet,
    I can always rely on you to bring the charm, the wit and the “keepin’-it-real” factor. You are my guilty pleasure. Cheers from Maui.
    xoxo
    Jacq

  • okay, here goes…..

    hate me all you want beeters but, put a lil’ black ribbon around suri’s neck and she’s a dead ringer for that lil’ girl in ‘orphan’!

    c-r-e-e-p-y.

    lol

  • Katie and Suri have been using that track the past few days. It’s the track at Boston University, usually where students like to go to run and work out. However, when they come, they shut down the whole freaking track and block it off so none of us can get in. There are plenty of places to go and run in Boston. I’m paying 50 grand a year to go to this school–so let me run on my own track when I want to!!!!

  • dude, you are me. please tell me you’re not joking about the whole peanut-butter-in-ice-cream-right-before-bed thing, because i feel really happy that i’m not the only one who does that.