Carrie Fisher broke one of the cardinal rules of being a celebrity– NEVER google yourself. Because you won’t like what you find. All it takes is one really vicious comment in a thousand to shoot your self esteem lower than the stock market circa October 30th, 1929.
But rather than letting what people like me write about her turn her into some paranoid celebrity sycophant, desperately doing anything and everything to her physique in a futile effort to please the masses (they are never pleased), Carrie fought back with this post on her blog, combating superficial criticism with humor (a good share of it self-deprecating) and insight. Thanks to Wendy and Sheila for the heads up.
I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……
I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.
You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!
I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations! And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!
And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!
We now return to our regular programing……
XxOoCf
I like Carrie Fisher more now than ever.
Didn’t knew I loved her until now… ;)
You’re a 10 on the inside baby girl. Fuckable in your 20’s, fun/drug dabble in your 30’s, raising a family in your 40’s and great conversations in your 60’s.
FAWK i love this WOMAAAAAAAAAAN
Music! Pure Music!
hahaha – thanks for sharing. I love Love LOVE her now! my favorite – “what the fuck do YOU look like??!”
Brilliant! She’s a very funny writer, but I didn’t know she had a blog, so thanks very much for sharing, ladies!
Ah ha ha! that was fucking great! Carrie Fisher ROCKS!
Love you Carrie!
I think I am in love with Carrie! Rock on sister.
I too love Carrie. I have seen her on The Craig Fergeson Show and she was always funny and HONEST. Thanks the tip on her blog.
Old news again.
I love her !
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA “BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!”
Don’t listen to em, Carrie; you’re top-grade MILF in my group.
This just made my day!
This just made my day!
Pathetic. Rise above that crap…how old is she now? Almost 60? Her battle with bipolar disorder apparently isn’t over.
You GO GIRL! I simply enjoy eating ice cream than working out on a treadmill at the age of 57. I was 25 once and will Never look 25 again, not even with all of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery. Now I think I’ll go buy some ice cream at my local Wal-Mart.
That is the most hilarious and humorous rant I have seen in a LONG time. Rock on Carrie! At some point in our lives, we need to be able to get OLD and not have to look like a little 18-year old chickie.
she is the freaking BEST!!! GOOD FOR HER for keeping it real!
After seeing her behavior on a few TV shows over the past few years, I can’t help but think Carrie’s gone a bit nuts over the years. However, as many have already stated previously in this post, she is all real. There’s no bullshit about her and she has to be highly admired for her fantastic f-you attitude towards her critics.
Carrie…you said it best. I would love to see idiots who make comment post pictures of themselves. They should look in the mirror. I think you are the best and by the way….I think you are still HOT!!