Thanks to reality TV, the last thing I remember learning about Whitney Houston is that when she’s constipated, then husband Bobby Brown would massage her Houston-hole until their marriage– oh, excuse me, I meant to say, compacted, hardened, constipated shit– broke up. Then she ran off to Africa and began looking for the lost tribe of Israel, to which she was convinced she belonged.
The lost tribe of Israel didn’t do their job, because after a 7 year absence from the recording studio (and her mind) Whitney is back, and preparing to embark on a public relations whirlwind to promote her new album, scheduled to be released September 1st.
If you’re a talk show host who’s interested in having Whitney on for a chat– and who wouldn’t be– there’s one caveat. Under no circumstances is anyone to ask her questions such as, “If you were a kind of crack, what kind of crack would you be?”
They only want to let her talk to journalists who’ll agree not to ask about her substance abuse,” an insider tells us.
A rep for Houston calls speculation on any PR plans “premature. Nothing has been set.” But we hear the edict goes for the TV morning shows, which are all angling to get her to perform live. “The deal is, if they want her, then Matt Lauer, Diane Sawyer or whoever isn’t supposed to ask her tough questions,” says the source.
Ostensibly, this is because if you say the word “crack” it elicits a Pavlovian response in the singer whereby she will beat the crap out of Kelly Rippa and steal her wallet so she can score.
Previously titled, “Oh crap, I need more money for my habit” before the studios said, ‘Yeeaaaah… let’s change that name’.
Hey, if they can turn Britney Spears back into a money maker even though she is still completely batshit crazy they can do it for Whitney.
I dunno, because Britney didn’t have a reality show featuring her batshit crazy antics and she didn’t stay gone off the radar nearly as long as Whitney has. Whitney has actual talent, though, but irony being what it is, things probably will fall flat for her. I would prefer never to see Britney or her vagina again, myself, either end bald or not.
hahaha that cracked me up
i want her to do well. she was the queen back in the 90s. her body looks great.
It’s hard to believe she’s really better. Sad.