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I Love the Kentucky Derby

May 2, 2009
Kelly
Aretha Franklin, Bobby Flay, Brooke Shields, Gabrielle Union
12 Comments

I love the Kentucky Derby–not because of the horse racing. I could give a crap about horse racing– although I do love to hear Nancy O’Dell talk about how she chooses what horse to bet on based on how nice its ass is.

Equestrian junk-in-the-trunk aside, I love the Kentucky derby because it makes obscenely rich (and moderately famous) people put ridiculous things on their heads and stroll around for photo ops because, well, that’s just what one does on Derby Day. It’s the rich and famous version of peer pressure at its worst, and I love every minute of it.

Take a stroll through the photo gallery. You’ll find yourself asking questions like: Did a can of silly string explode on Lynn Whitfield’s head? Does Bobby Flay ever NOT look like a total prick? If I jump on Brooke Shields’ head, will I get an extra life?

In case you were wondering, a tiny, screaming, weeping, Creole lunatic riding a horse called “Mine That Bird” won the race today. God, I love the derby.

12 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I love the derby too…..however I never realized it took a 3 hour telecast for a 2 minute freakin’ race!! But I watch with my eyes peeking out between my hands……because I’m always afraid one of the horses will go down and something terrible will happen on the track.

    • My bad! I was writing this pretty much as I was watching the race and made a guess based on what I could glean from the short sentences squeezed in between high-pitched, girlish squeals of delight.

      • wow, good one. how witty. “um what a boring comment”; you’re trying to insult me with no content, you can’t come up with anything?

  • The rules of horseracing either need to be changed, or the sport needs to be banned altogether. How many horses are going to have to be euthanized on the track after they have suffered broken legs, or have collided with each other? The bones of race horses, bred for speed, do not have the strength and density necessary to carry the weight of the horse’s body as it runs down the track. Additionally, the horses tend to be very young, when they first race – usually three year and four years old – which is not unlike asking a 10 year old kid to race a mile at top speed. My friends, who own and breed horses, won’t even permit someone to sit on the back of a horse until it reaches three years of age – their back bones aren’t mature enough to withstand the weight of an adult. I agree that horse racing is a beautiful, time honored sport, but who wants to get all dolled up, go the Derby and then watch a tragedy unfold? In the final analysis, a human being chooses to engage in a competition – horses are compelled to, and have no choice. For God’s sake, at least require horses to be older, and a require a change in breeding standards to insure that the horse has a fighting chance of surviving the friggin race.

    • I have to admit, I don’t really know anything about the breeding or other practices that go on behind the scenes– like I said, I’m not in it for the horse racing. I always assumed that they pump so much money into these animals that they would be treated well. It was indeed very disturbing to see that video of the two horses colliding at the track earlier in the week. Thanks for bringing this up.

  • I love the Derby too!

    Anything that ushers back in season the Mint Julip is OK by me!

    Hooray for Bourbon, mint, sugar, and water! And God bless the person who put them all together!

  • Wow – Bobby must have Stephanie March on a really tight clothing allowance. When she spent all her money on that fab hat, she had nothing left for a dress and had to borrow his smoking jacket.