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Just Because I Hate You

April 9, 2009
Wendie
Uncategorized
35 Comments

I don’t really hate you. I love you. But when I suffer, you must suffer as well.  My pain is your pain.

If this Burger King video has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that there is not enough money in the entertainment blogging industry to make having to cover this story okay.

Oh, and because it isn’t clear at all from watching the spot, Burger King is advertising kid’s meals.  Yes, these are the lyrics that were written with their target in mind:

I like square butts and I cannot lie
Squid and Sea Star can’t deny
When a sponge walks in, four corners and his pen
Like he got phone book implants, the crowd shouts

All the ladies stare
Dang those pants are square!
Swimming through the seaweed tangle
Is a butt with sharp right angles

Now Sponge Bob, I wanna get witch-ya
‘Cuz you’re making me rich-ah
Underwater, we keep it grungy
‘Cuz everybody knows that ‘He so spongey!’

Ooh, Rumplespongeskin
You dance, but your hips don’t bend
So groove it and move it
If you got caboose, then prove it

Sponge Bob is dancing
And Squidward is glancing
He’s hatin’… wet
He’s got Sponge Bob runnin’ his set

I’m tired of all these chairs
They don’t accommodate these squares
Take the average ???? tell him that
You gotta have square back

Mr. Krab! (yeah)
Patrick! (yeah)
Has Sponge Bob got the butt? (oh yeah)
Then shake it (shake it)
Shake it (shake it)
Shake that cubicle butt

Sponge Bob got back
(Naw, dude, I said cubicle, not booty-ful. Don’t trip. Yeah baby, when it comes to sea life, curves ain’t got nothin’ to do with Bob’s selection. 2 x 2 x 2 square trousers, working that black belt, looking like dotted lines. That’s how Sponge Bob like to rock them threads baby.)

A word to the DC sponges who wanna get wit it
And watch Sponge Bob kick it
I gotta be straight when I say you gotta scrub ’til the break of dawn
Bob got it goin’ on, been known to rock him a thong
Them round butts won’t admit it
But they’d wear that gear if they could fit it

You can draw his body on paper
His waistline really don’t taper
Your girlfriend wants to squeeze him
Wanna push his pores and tease him

But Sponge Bob ain’t gonna have too much of that squeezin’
You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns!

To the new sponges in the magazines, you ain’t it Miss Thang
We rock them cubes, gals and dudes
Put it down at the goo lagoon

Some other box must get jealous
At the moves that come from square fellas
See Bob and they wanna get him
But Sandy Cheeks he won’t let ‘em

If you happen to wander on land
And you wanna be a square butt fan
And drive the crew right to Burger King
And give that sponge a ring

Sponge Bob got back!

35 CommentsLeave a comment

  • i saw this ad on tv and i was literally shocked that burger king thinks this is a suitable campaign for kids meals

    • Agreed! I could totally see Andy Samberg doing this as a SNL short, and it being hysterical, but not when you actually are marketing towards kids. What the heck does Sponge Bob have to do with kids meals anyway? Is he the new toy? Plus, how many kids know the original song to begin with. I knew it when I was younger, but that is because it came out when I was 6! It’s not like the song is being played on the radio that much these days. Weird and offensive campaign. Like Just me, J’s son I always found the mascot CREEPY and this is not helping in the slightest.

  • oh god, i can’t watch that video, not with that hideous mascot. I’ll be rocking back and forth in the corner of my room for the rest of the night repeating “can’t sleep, king’ll eat me”

  • My children were totally unimpressed by this commercial and not enticed into wanting Burger King. My son thinks the mascot is scary and my daughter said the commercial was “gross”. Personally I think whoever the moron is that thought this was appropriate needs to be canned….or better yet, forced to watch this over and over and over and over and…..

  • Is this video actually for real? Aimed at kids? OMG – please confirm this is a joke.

    • Def not a joke. I seen it air this week here in Fla, & like most thought WTF? Horrible. I thought it was a joke when I seen it on TV. Worst part: all the burger kings around here have a huge freakin sponge bob sitting right up top. Jeez. I hate that square panted freak.

      • I KNOW!
        I just moved from a big(ish) city to a small(ish) city and everyone says “seen” — I really don’t understand. How has the school system failed them that bad — I know my grammar isn’t fantastic but how could anyone, especially when seeing it in writing, think “i seen” is correct over “i saw”. It makes me shudder.

        Anways. Burger King is always known for wacky commercials –my friend was in a BK music video once and it only aired once before being taken off for being “too offensive”.

      • I can’t reply to ltc, so I’ll reply to this one– they are aware it is grammatically incorrect. However, everyone says it so they say it too. It’s really popular, even her in central California.
        I do say it from time to time…I apologize, lord…

  • The new Two Girls One Cup video….well it’s that traumatizing. They expect anyone to want to eat after watching that? O.o

  • That is how Crispin Porter Bogusky ads work…shock and awe. Although in this case I would say shock and awful…

    Meh.

  • I usually think burger king’s whole ad dept was pretty cool, but today I want my two minutes back.

  • I love Spongebob but missed this commercial (I’m sure I’ll see it soon enough). I stopped going to BK when I heard they hired Heather Mills to promote their veggie burger.

    No more Burger King for me.

  • Saw this last night and was wanting the hubby to see it, thank you for posting it! Now he will forever have Sir Mix-a-lot ruined too! Must admit, I do like the Metallica commercial

  • Okay, I don’t let my son watch SpongeBob and I don’t eat at Burger King so to me this was freaking hilarious. However, I agree with everyone here, it is entirely inappropriate for children. Then again, I don’t let my son say “butt”, so I always thought that I was a little more strict than most.

  • I saw this tonight and was mortified. I am so glad that in this crapper of an economy, B.K. can advertise that they are getting rich off of such stupid people that are influenced by this horrendous commerical.

  • That’s just terrible. I love spongebob, but I couldn’t even get through READING it, let alone watching the video.

  • lmao i swear to God i came to read the site tonight, hoping that somebody would bring this up.. I saw the ad hours ago, my husband was here, at first he was laughing, but then when we realized it was for the kids meal, we were just looking at each other like WTF!!! then he said that is bullshit, and i said i fucking know.. lol..
    It makes me so angry that all the promote on tv is that vulgar, every ad on tv has to have something stupid in it, like, i dont really need to see a girl making love to a piece of chocolate to go buy the damn thing, it is not necesary at all for us to have to see that kind of crap.. Lately, its every single comercial, they all have shit like that, every single one of them.. Wtf is wrong with these people? This burguer king thing is for kids, i just can’t believe they can get away with this shit… It makes me so angry… We should be able to do something about this..

  • actually i think the lyrics are “four corners in his PANTS like he got phonebook implants” in that first stanza…

    yeah, because i’m cool y’all!