Before we get into the meat of this particular story, I would just like to bitch about Jessica Alba for a bit.
You see, when she was pregnant, she didn’t want photographers anywhere near her. She was awful about it. She later claimed she felt fat and disgusting and didn’t want people to see her that fat. Jessica: YOU WERE PREGNANT. It’s OKAY to put on a little bit of weight during that particular time period!
So, anyway, now that the baby’s out (and she INSTANTLY dropped the baby weight), Jessica cannot whore out that child frequently enough. I don’t run most of the photos on here, but you better believe that the photo agencies have new pics of Jessica with that small child damn near every day. And Jessica is not hiding her face or her baby’s — in fact, odds are she’d alerted the photo agencies beforehand. So I guess I’m just really annoyed that she was so ashamed of her pregnant body, but is now happy to use the result of that pregnant body to get her some publicity.
If you hadn’t noticed, Jessica dropped the pregnancy weight almost instantly (surgery, anyone?), but now she’s talking about how hard she worked out to get it off. “[The workouts] were horrible,” she said. “I cried. And I haven’t worked out since.” By “workouts” she of course means “liposuction recovery,” but whatever.
And as for the actual process of giving birth?
“Contractions aren’t that bad. If you’ve ever had bad cramps? That’s what they’re like,” she says. “But that moment when they put the baby on your chest – that’s deep. It’s a deep experience.”
Mothers? Is this true? I have heard way worse things about contractions. Maybe Jess just had it easy?
And as for being away from her tot for work?
“This is the first time I’ve been away from her. It’s been six days. It sucks; it’s the worst thing ever. But we Skype, so I can see her on video. The worst is when you can see her little chubby hands grab the screen, and I’m not there” she says, wiping away tears. “That’s a new thing – I never cried before. Just being a mother is making me a big, weepy mess.”
I’d cry too if I wore those jeans. What weird looking bottoms… she looks like she’s grown into the asphalt like a mushroom.
BELL BOTTOMS
Youve never heard?
popular in 60-70’s?
eh?
No shit.
Have you heard, it’s 2009?
Bell bottoms have come and gone again already.
Gosh,
She is the most annoying person ever,well next to miley cyrus.
Hasn’t she ever heard of a nanny? No reason to be away for that long when you have resources.
Yes, contractions are like really bad cramps.
wendie, you’re insane. maybe it’s true and years of being a mommy wipe away the memories of pain. But, coming from someone who had a failed epidural less than 3 months ago, THEY ARE NOT LIKE REALLY BAD CRAMPS. They were awful, made me black out, terrible things that made me want to kill everyone in the room. And not in a PMSy kind of way. In fact, natural delivery was less painful than the contractions themselves.
Erm, I Wendie was being sarcastic.
Wow, seriously — I did Hypnobirthing and didn’t feel a thing. I walked in and no one believed I was in labor.
Gosh,
She is the most annoying person ever,well next to miley cyrus. Cute baby though.
damn i hate her so much, like literally everything about her. ugh
jesica alba used to be anorexic so you have to understand it would probably be hard for her to see herself gaining weight even if it was because of pregnancy
she’s pretty annoying. An amazing actress though.. oh wait, no, she’s irritating in her roles too.
Like menstrual cramps my ass. Maybe the first few, but after that…no, it is not NEARLY as easy as she is making it sound.
You and I obviously felt the non-celebrity version of childbirth, where you don’t get the good drugs that Alba must have gotten.
I recently (3 weeks ago) attempted natural child birth. While the first several hours may have been like bad menstrual cramps, but hour 20 they were like someone literally reached inside my body and was attempting to pull out the baby through my navel. Granted I did have about one minute of reprieve to recuperate between contractions.
I had a failed epidural 3 months ago and I wnated to DIE.
I don’t particularly like her, but I will say that the contractions with my son’s delivery weren’t any worse than bad period cramps. Granted, he was 11 weeks premature and weighed 3 pounds, so I don’t really put his birth in the category of normal. I won’t speak for other mothers about how bad their pain was.
i have never had period cramps that bad in my life. ever.
I have. And then I got a diagnosis of intractable pain, needed narcotics to get through every period, and after a disease process was discovered I ended up with a hysterectomy. If your cramps and labor are alike, see a doctor! It ain’t normal.
Well now you’ve scared me. My period pain makes me cry, vomit, and stay off work for days.
I know a few (not a lot though) women who got their baby/ies relatively easy and without too much pain. Giving birth probably varies from case to case. What she said about it is not really a point to run her down methinks
Overall she has not done one good movie except for Sin City, so I don’t really care about what she is saying. She is beautiful though. And the baby is SO cute.
Once again Jessica Alba does wonders for the male perception of what it’s like to be a female. Now, guys will think that:
1.) Childbirth is actually easy. Girls are just being so dramatic when they talk about their fears of giving birth or how bad childbirth was for them. It’s just like getting their period, right?
2.) Girls can lose all the baby weight, if they really want. All they have to do is just work out a little harder.
Thanks Jessica. I so appreciate what you’re doing for us girls.
I COMPLETELY agree!
preach sister! ugh again, i hate her!
Ohhh, good point.
AMEN
Yowsa.
3 – that pregnancy weight gain is unnatural and gross
GOD I hate this chick…but I love all of YOU. Everyone NAILED it.
Boom! You said it! *stands and applauds*
Definitely agree with what Kat said.
And also, the baby is weird looking. Not cute.
Are you guys jealous or what I mean damn whats wrong with you guys.
i have 2 children, with my first child i slept thru my labor, ( the doc had to wake me up to push)
my second, it felt like i had to pee really bad.
so i guess it depends on the person if the contactions hurt. mine didnt, neither did the actual delivery…im very grateful…
to be honest with you, my contractions were not that bad either. I was totally nervous and freaked out when delivering my first and only daughter. i had watched discovery channel like a mad woman and was totally expecting to go through total and utter pain like I’ve never felt before. I was a week over due and had to be induced. once they gave me my medication to induce me the contractions were immediate, but were not at all what I expected… and get this ladies… NO EPIDURAL! After I had my daughter, I said to my dr, “That’s it?” The only real true pain I had was when I got on the scale and realized I had about 55 lbs to lose. and as far as these celebrities losing the weight so quickly… well, it’s because of MONEY!!! Plain and simple! Do you hate the mags that say “learn the celeb secrets to losing weight?” Yes, the answer is money. These people have money to hire chefs, personal trainers and what not…
Seriously? I was induced, too. But I was in labor for 36 hours total. I thought I was oging to die. It hurt so bad, I ripped the IV out of my arm by accident during a contraction trying to grip the side of the bed.
Not always true that it’s about money. Sometimes, it’s just about genetics.
I said this below, but I’ll say it again, my mom actually lost weight after giving birth to me. She began at 95. Ballooned up to like 130 and then no joke, after I came out, weighed 90. I don’t know how, or understand why, but that’s what she says. LOL
My other aunt, has two boys and seriously, ballooned to +45lbs during pregnancy, and then after giving birth (both times) was back to her pre-baby weight within weeks. No hardcore workouts or anything, just doing what she normally does, walk to places when she had the chance. Nothing hardcore like the gym or anything.
Yeh, my labor pains were like menstrual cramps. For about 5 minutes. For the next 12 hours the nurses kept the door to my room closed because they didn’t want my screaming to disturb the other mothers. At one point I threatened the nurse with a baseball bat if she didn’t lay off the labor inducing drip. (Didn’t have a baseball bat but I was willing to improvise even if it meant ripping my husband’s arm off.)
hahahaaha
I think we’re forgetting here that child birth is DIFFERENT FOR EVERYBODY.
My aunt had 4 kids, no problem, they came out in less than an hour (no joke) and the kids beat the doctor to the hospital. This was 25 years ago. lol. She didn’t have TIME for an epidural before those babies came out. And you ask her and she’ll tell you, the birth was simple as pie.
You ask my mom about MY birth? Sans epidural 20+ years ago and she’ll tell you that it was AWFUL. She was 95 lbs at the time, I came out 8lbs 11oz (NO JOKE) and my poor mom was in labor for 72 hours, no drugs, no nada. In fact, I was such a load, that after, she weighed 90lbs. ROFL. I took the extra 5lbs with me!
Ask her, and she’ll tell you the birth was HORRIBLE.
So it’s different for everyone.
Me? I’m gonna make sure I’m fully medicated :). I doubt I’ll be as lucky as my aunt or Ms. Alba.
My middle son was like REALLY bad cramps, but the meds took the edge off. All my other boys had to be induced, and that was like the second ring of Hell!
I guess for everybody is different with the labor pains but we women need to stick together and keep on telling the men that it’s the most painful thing in the world. We need to hold that over them!! :)
Agree that birth experiences can differ greatly – even with the same mother. My first was natural…not a lot of fun to put it mildly. With my second I made sure my doc understood he was to give me every pain med on the market and there was still pain but admittedly not nearly as much. He had scheduled an epidural but the asshole showed up about 10 minutes before I delivered. Fat lot of good that did me! No more kiddo’s for me but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Eh, I dunno. I would understand not wanting to be photographed a lot when I was pregnant. I’ve had a friend like that. She had previously struggled with an eating disorder, so it was especially hard for her to see her body changing in that way, and really didn’t want any picture evidence of it to remind her.
Also, I don’t think that Alba being out and about with her child is whoring out her baby. Maybe she is just trying to live life, you know? It’s kind of fucked up to constantly cover your poor baby’s face, and it’s kind of impossible to cover your own when you are walking and carrying your baby while surrounded by a bunch of men clicking their cameras away.
I duno. I am not a fan of Alba in the least, and actually she does annoy me usually, but I wouldn’t judge her for these things personally.
I agree Lisa. I was miserable during my pregnancy due to the weight gain. It was the first time in years that I stopped the bulimia because I knew it was what was best for my baby. After my 36 hours of induced labor and delivery of a 4 lb. premature baby, I was very quick to lose the weight. I did it because I had a disorder that left me with a twisted expectation of what is normal.
I am afraid that I completely relate to Jessica Alba here. But that just means that she and I are both messed up.
yeah. I mean, I know that is how I would personally react to a pregnancy. I would feel disgusting and wouldn’t want anyone to see me.
Don’t fret Erin. There’s a lot of us “messed up” girls. You are in good company. At least we are wise enough to KNOW that how we think is wrong, you know?
I love how this post turned out as a forum for sharing birth stories. So to add on, my mother nearly had my sister in the hospital’s elavator, and once she finally got to the room, her and my father realized that the doctor wasn’t there yet. So my father and an intern nurse were the ones to deliver her.
Other than that trauma, she says it didn’t hurt that bad, and was reaaaaally quick, and she was in a bikini with her 100lbs of skinniness a couple of months later. So yeah, it’s mainly genetics.
And God I do hope I got those genes, because other than having an easy delivery and no problem losing the baby-weight, her boobs basically quadrupled because of the milk, which is a total bonus.
My labor f-ing HURT, I’d compare my worst menstrual cramps as being similar to being stuck in the uterus with a knife, and labor like a truck tire slowly running over my uterus. But then again I was induced, I should have never let them do that. Ended up with a emergency c-section. The pain from the c sec. was nothing nearly as bad as labor. I have a beautiful daughter, so it was worth it, but at the time you want to kill a lot of people
is it just me or does that baby look like winnie the pooh?
Somebody better tell Cash…
It really is different for everyone. I only have one son and I was in labor for under 2 hours and the pain seriously was just like a bad period. I lost all 55 pounds (!) within a month after giving birth and he was 8 pounds. As for my mother having me way back when! She was in hard labor for 37 hours back when they gave no meds-not even an aspirin. She swore I would be an only child but slipped up and had my brother 8 yrs. later. And I love Jessica and think her baby is adorable!
I know it all depends on the woman.
My roommate is almost 9 months and is constantly having contractions. Her back is always hurting and she’s a bitch for no reason other than the pain.
And frankly I think thats an ugly baby with a giant head.
Childbirth is totally different for everyone, and so are menstrual cramps. I can believe that the shit I’ve been through is as bad as some people’s contractions. People who haven’t had such bad period pains just don’t get it.
Still, I look on it as a chance to have practised dealing with such major pain before my first baby’s birth this May! :-)
Congrats Grace! I hope it all goes well for you
Maybe youll have the same luck as Jessica Alba ;)
riiiiiiight…they are like period cramps if your crams feel like something is simultaneously trying to rip your uterus out and giving your lower half electro-shock therapy.
Sure contraction are like bad menstrual cramps…bad (I’ll take death versus these) menstrual cramps you’ll never experience until giving birth!
I have 3 kids and none of them with epidural
3 very hard and painful and difficult labor and birthing experiences,
the mysterious feeling of seeing them not as a part of me anymore,
but the most horrid and seemingly unending time of my female life
was the hell of puerperium,
labor comes and goes away,
but then one has the perineal pain that lasts for 15 days
the breastfeeding pain that lasts for as long as one endures
(and no idea it would be that way, at least the first time)
and that little wonderful cute baby
that cries when one is desperate for some rest
but that kind of love is unconditional
Like bad cramps? I gave birth yesterday. I would compare labor pains to being flayed alive, slowly, in a burning car that is being crushed into a little ball. Does that explain it fully enough to you? I got there to late for drugs, so anyone that gives birth naturally has my complete and utter respect, I am showing up early if I ever do this again, drugs must be better.