Today's Evil Beet Gossip

And The “Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?” Award Goes to…Ryan Eggold.

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When you are as relevant as 90210 actor Ryan Eggold, you don’t need to be weighed down by award show day rituals such as shaving and dressing.  Sean Penn and Brad Pitt do, but not Ryan Eggold.

The day after award shows feels like the day after a primary.  I must look at all the data and analyze what went right and wrong.  You know I have a thing for dresses.  The one thing I realized almost immediately, is that many stylists started throwing afterthought asymetric straps on dresses the morning after the Inaugural Ball.

I can’t imagine anyone really has the time to flip through the three trillion pictures in the gallery but it makes me feel better to voice my feelings on the dresses seen at the SAG Awards.

Andrea Bowen- Wearing a revolutionary new gown that allows you to shit without breaking stride on the red carpet.

America Ferrera- I think we had a commenter this weekend who mentioned anorexia.  Totally agree.  Also, ruching over the hips is rarely a good idea.

Amy Adams- Pretty.  Dark.

Amy Brenneman- Beautiful color, uneven boobs but more importantly:  What happened to her face?

Angelina Jolie- Has the economy hit her hard?  Because this is the third time in the past month she’s worn this dress.  Is she just dyeing it?

Anne Hathaway- From the neck down, stunning.

Brooke Adams aka Tony Shaloub’s wife- I’ve worn similar things to the grocery store.  In 1991.

Christina Applegate- I feel bad saying anything since she had cancer and a dead boyfriend this past year.  I’m focused on the chubby in the background wearing the TJMaxx special with transparent gold wrap.

Christina Hendricks- How not to wear red.

Claire Danes- How to wear red.

Dana Delaney- Dynasty casting calls ended twenty years ago.

Emily Blunt- May I be blunt?  Is her dress splitting up the front or is it just horribly made?

Holly Hunter- Pink, taffeta, the stuff my proms and fire hazards were made of.

Eva Longoria- Looks like a doll cake.  If you were born in the seventies or before, you get this.

Evan Rachel Wood- Looks good; there’s that Obama strap.

January Jones- A horrible miss from a woman who is usually perfectly dressed.

JoBeth Williams- Obama strap!

Jane Krakowski- No opinion on her but can I start a petition for her to enter an early retirement?

Julia Ormond- Remember when she was hot?

Kate Winslet- Remember that she eats whatever she wants.  Let the hating commence.

Lisa Rinna- Hasn’t the swelling gone down on those things?

Marcia Cross- Beautiful blue dress attacked by flock of bats in parking lot.

Marisa Tomei– Missed your makeup appointment?

Paula Abdul- Would have been a pretty dress if not for being so tight.  And ruffled at the chest.  And manufactured in the first place.

Rosario Dawson- Will you marry me?  Flawless.

Teri Hatcher- Totally neutral.  I cannot feel any emotion one way or the other.

Tina Fey- It’s ok.  You’re a comedic genius; you don’t have to excel at everything.

Tracey Ullman- Wearing the newest from the Disco Maternity line.

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