Well, well, this is sure to get some tongues wagging.
Kelly Rutherford — the Gossip Girl star who is currently going through the Messiest Divorce of the Century — has stated in new court papers that her two-year-old son still breast feeds, and that “we co-sleep.” She says the boy has never spent an overnight with her father. Kelly is currently petitioning the court to let her bring the boy to New York City with her so she can return to work, but her estranged husband doesn’t want this. A hearing is expected tomorrow.
I have no kids, and thus I try to avoid passing judgment on stuff like this. Lord knows my dog and I “co-sleep.” But is it a good idea for a mother to be sharing a bed with a healthy two-year-old boy? Mothers, weigh in!
Eh, I’m not into attachment parenting, but there is nothing wrong with a two-year-old sharing a bed with his mom.
I wake up most night’s when my six yr. old Stiles crawls into my bed. He crawls in and spoons me! Makes me grin. If he sees his daddy in bed he runs out of the room. I don’t mind at all.
ugh she is going to raise the biggest mama’s boy EVER
oh, and I’m not a parent though, so what do I know, really. But that just seems like not the best idea. I wonder if the parenting had anything to do with the separation.
I know what you mean. I just think two is still really young.
that’s true. two is pretty young. how on earth did she get preggie again if the kid is always in the bed?
I also saw some ghastly thing on 20/20 or something, with chicks breastfeeding 8 year olds. so I am pretty sure I was scarred from that.
Two *is* young, but, seriously? I have a nearly 4 year old (Valentine’s day baby) and a 2 year old. My 4 year old stopped sleeping with us at about 3 months old. My 2 year old, I finally convinced my wife to let sleep in her own damn crib at about 10 months old. I don’t know how much impact that has, but my 2 year old is *so* much more clingy at this age, then my 4 year old. Kids should sleep in their own cribs as much as possible, as soon as possible. I think it’ll help them feel more secure, because mom and/or dad, depending in the circumstances, still show up when they wake up, even though they’re not right there. Granted, on weekend mornings, my wife and I generally pull the girls into bed with us after they wake up, but that’s more because we don’t want them running around the house unattended, and we don’t really wanna get out of bed yet.
I am a mom to a 3 year old son and co-sleeping at ANY age is very dangerous. There’s a possibility of the child falling out of bed and there has been documentation that kids have been smothered. And personally, breast feeding a toddler is disgusting. Maybe if she’d given her husband a little of that intimate time they wouldn’t be getting a divorce.
You need to educate yourself before you make retarded statements like that. According to the World Health Organization, it is recommended that you breastfeed your child a MINIMUM of two years to ensure maximum health benefits. I’m not going to list the hundreds (literally) of reasons it’s good to breastfeed into the toddler years, but some of the main reasons are that is lessens the chance tremendously of the child having childhood cancer, diabetes, allergies, and obesity. It’s been proven that children that breastfeed have higher IQ’s then formula fed babies, and get sick ALOT less often. Also, it benefits the mother by reducing her risk of breast, ovarian, and uterus cancer.
As for the co-sleeping thing it can go either way. There are experts on BOTH SIDES that have their pros and cons. Some say it’s dangerous, some say that is it actually increases a child security which in turns actually makes them more independent as they grow older.
There is this thing that is been invented….it’s called books and research. You should give them a try sometime.
well, to play devil’s advocate, it sounds like Ashlea HAD researched a bit. She just seemed to be a lot more on the side that is against it. You said yourself that there were experts on both sides, so who knows what you are getting upset about.
It sounds like she is more upset about the comment she made about breastfeeding a toddler being “disgusting”. Personally, if it works for you and your child, go for it. This day in age, breastfeeding doesn’t always have to mean the child is literally attached to your breast. They do make pumps and sippy cups you know.
No apparently she had NOT researched ANYTHING. The instances of children being smothered are large proportioned to the obese and the intoxicated. Most families, mine included successfully co-sleep without smothering or falling off beds.
The WHO recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years? Really? Are you sure? That sounds like a load of crap spouted by La Leche League. It just strikes me as odd that every pediatrician I’ve ever spoken to, and that my friends have spoken to, say 6 months of age is a good time to stop, because the child has breast fed long enough to get all the benefits of improved immune system and higher IQ, and can move to a more developmentally sound solid food diet, starting, of course, with cereal. In fact, the only people who espouse breast feeding at a later age, in my experience, are members of La Leche League, and didn’t believe in “artificially” breast feeding, that is doing so in any way other than directly from the tap, so to speak.
And really, the risks Ashlea presents are very real. They may not apply in every situation, but they are *very* real.
I’m sorry, but it has not been “proven” that breastfed babies have higher IQ’s than formula raised babies. Older research suggested that might be the case but everything that’s come out in the past few years shows no correlation between breastfeeding and intelligence when the child is older. The older research could have been misrepresented because the mother’s IQ is the most important determining factor in a child’s IQ, and women with higher IQ’s were most likely to breastfeed.
It annoys me when people throw down “facts” that have not been substantiated – especially when you’re chastising someone else about doing their research.
You could not make more ignorant statements. Get educated before you put something in writing and make yourself look like an ass, ashlea!
uhm erykah?not to sound mean,but wtf?so if you are fat,you’re not allowed to have children sleeping with you in bed,because you might smother them?that shit is just mean.I’m overweight,but have never,ever smothered anything in my life,no matter how wildly I sleep,or how big I am.I’ve had all my cats sleep in bed with me and my boyfriend since they were kittens – never smothered any of them – my boyfriend is quite thin – am I in danger of smothering him?
my niece and nephews often sleep in bed with their parents,and there hasn’t been any adverse effects so far.kids sometimes enjoy that extra bit of security,especially if their mom and dad are very busy during the day,so at night,that is the most time they get to spend together.
by the time these kids become teenagers,you can be sure they will want their own rooms pronto anyway.
Are you for real? Of course breast feeding is a good thing. A good thing until 2 years which is fine.
In terms of co-sleeping? Again, get a clue. We had our 3 daughters co sleep with us until 2. None were smothered. None fell out of the bed. This western trip of formula driven, crib deposited children is absurd.
<> There may be big debates about the cosleeping thing. I chalk it up to what works for each family. However, still breast feeding at two? To me, that is another story altogether. Seems like a desperate grasp at something a judge would prefer to not interfere with so she can have her way. I cannot see a judge involving themselves in something that sets a legal precident for when a mother is supposed to wean.
So me weaning my three year old recently was a desperate grasp at what? Get real, lots of people bf for much longer than two but the US public is so perverted when it comes to breasts and what they’re for that you’d never know.
When did she say anything about you? She was only suggesting that that may have been a reason kelly made that claim, since she is desperatly trying to get the judge to agree.
As a mom – I say no big deal. Especially if she is still breast feeding at two years. That is a long time for the US (where in some states you can get arrested for indecent exposure for breastfeeding in public) but not for many other places in the world. It is waaaay easier to nurse at night if your child sleeps with you.
I nursed both of my kids until they were just past one, they both slept with me. They are 6 and 3 now and sleep in their own bed, unless they are sick. It would be very hard on the child to be away from Mom suddenly if that has been his routine for 2 years. Kids need to be eased out of these things.
Two is an age where you have to question whether it is nurturing what is in the best interest of the child, or whether the mom is unhealthily attached to the child depending on her.
I say in most cases, it’s the latter.
Most two year olds really like their independence. And they have different sleep needs than their parents.
Meantime, in her particular case, she’d better get shit straight and fast, ’cause it’s gonna be no fun to try and breastfeed and sleep with both an infant and a kid going through his terrible twos.
Actually, every study ever done, and from my own experiences, long-term nursing actually makes for MORE independent children. Two-year-olds who are nurse tend to not go through the “terrible twos,” or at least not as intensely.
I said nothing about nursing. Not to be insulting, but I would assume a lactation consultant would listen to what people are saying.
I did, twice and I resent the fact you think someone like me is “unhealthily attached to the child depending on (me)”.
You sound like you have serious control issues. I’m sorry but you do.
im surprised there is actually a debate about this. I slept in my parent’s bed whenever I felt like it when I was little, same thing with my brother. granted he is like 17 now but up until he was about 8 or 9 he was doing that once in a while. Nothing wrong with us.. no attachment issues or smothering etc…
And co-sleeping CAN be dangerous (comment on other posters above). But if you read the fine details of those reports, the parents of the kids who die are often drunk or otherwise impaired. If you know what you are doing (I had a small crib-like attachment next to the bed at bed height, just for the baby) it is safe.
We are so uptight in the US over nursing. We are only disgusted by it because we are constantly told breasts are for pleasure, not for babies. too bad because breast fed babies are healthier and smarter
I posted the same thing above… intoxicated parents are usually the ones who smother baby. Dont drink and co-sleep! LOL
Well, my husband would never have put upwith that ish. LOL I would have been divorced right away. I do not agree with nursing so long. I have a friend who still nurses her 3 year old every night before bed. Geesh. Back in the old days many children were nursed for long periods because lack of food (read A Tree Grows In Brooklyn or Angela’s Ashes). It is not necessary anymore. Children do not get any added nutritional value or protection after one year of nursing. I am also glad that I never had to go through the musical bed syndrome that many of my young friends are going through due to co-sleeping. Geese, that co-sleeeping kills any kind of spontenaity (sp) doesn’t it. Perhaps that is the reason for it.lol
Ayla, you took the word out of my mouth! I breastfed for 11 mos and I was DONE with it. Weaning my daughter was not fun! As nice as BFing is for both mother and baby, both need to form different attachments as they develop. Co-sleeping can be detrimental to parental relationships and it makes the kid too dependent on mom/dad for comfort in the middle of the night (speaking from experience!). But I imagine this lady co-sleeps because BFing is so much easier without having to get up i the middle of the night and go to another room. However a 2 yr old shouldn’t need to eat in the middle if the night! Thanks for the book recommendation Ayla!
thats your own experience….what didnt work for you may work for other mothers…i had NO problem weaning at 2 1/2, and my son co slept til the age of 3 and then off and on til about 5..
hes now an emotionally stable, exceptionally intelligent and extremely happy 19 year old…i believe any good loving parent can make their own choices for whats right for THEIR children without being judged by people like you…
spacey, I doubt he’s needing to eat in the middle of the night, his mother works most days, this is their time to be together and breastfeeding is part of that.
You are absolutely wrong about the nutritional content past the age of one. A mother will make milk per her child’s nutritional needs at any age.
People here are making up whatever they feel like. Read the reports- doctors encourage (or are supposed to) encourage you to nurse at LEAST one year. It’s hard for a working mom to make it happen, but there’s so much in breast milk medicine doesn’t even get yet.
Co-sleeping is great, and makes for very happy secure children.
You bring up parenting and a drunk bum in a dumpster will start telling you how to do it.
Everybody does it their own way.
If you get so angry about how someone else does it (and they’re not hurting anyone or abusive) then you’re just obviously feeling guilty about something.
Co-sleeping improved our spontaneity but then my husband loves his children and we work as a team to raise them.
Wow. I guess no one has ever heard of the WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION-(WHO)…who advises that mothers breastfeed until at least age 2. I guess those jokers at WHO have no idea what they are talking about?
Some of you are just emotionally retarded…honestly. It’s a personal choice (and a GREAT ONE at that)…American mothers are often too selfish and ignorant to sacrifice that much for their babies…I think she’s probably an AWESOME mother…who has done a little research…GOOD for her and good for her son.
Co-sleeping can be VERY safe and many more deaths occur in cribs…as long as she is sober and the bed is set-up properly…not to mention that HE IS TWO. He’s not a newborn, which is what the mis-quoted study concerns.
Get off of her, you morons.
2 years old is nothing. I have sister in laws that co-sleep with their kids who are over six years old and one who breastfed her son until he was 4 and the other one is currently breastfeeding her daughter who will be 4 soon. yikes!
Um I think the WHO is directing their advice to the rest of the world who lives under the poverty line and lacks the required food and nutrition for their babies until the age of 2. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing but not every mother can do it, so it’s hard to judge people who haven’t even thought we know the benefits.
Breastfeeding has only really been studying for about 10 years, in fact, scientist JUST found out that what they always thought about the lactation process, as well as the BASIC anatomy of the breast, has been wrong all these years. WHO is not basing their views on impoverished nations, they are basing it on these new found discoveries.
I think is more women realized that our societies views on breastfeeding are based on formula marketing from the 1930’s, they would completely change all of these “facts” that have been carried into a new century.
No, the WHO is directing their advice at all mothers. Breast milk contains antibodies and nutrients that cannot be synthesized in formula or found in other foods; further, formula contains irritants that are detrimental to the health of babies – no species is designed to drink the milk of another species during infancy (or, well, EVER, but that’s a different issue.) If you adopt, or you CAN’T breastfeed, then thank God for formula, and it’s getting better all the time. But it’s still inferior to breast milk.
And as to all this “it’s the mother’s choice,” non-judgemental shit – I have no patience with it. Not breastfeeding increases your child’s chance of allergies, asthma, frequent ear infections, lower IQ, and, oh yeah, teeny tiny things like childhood leukemia. I’m judgemental as hell about mothers who don’t make their kids buckle up in cars, about mothers who do drugs while pregnant, and about mothers who risk their kid’s life long health because they can’t be bothered to breastfeed.
If you can’t, you can’t, but if you can and choose not to, at least be honest about the harm you’re doing to your kid. Are you non-judgemental about Courtney Love injecting while pregnant? Are you non-judgemental about Britney driving with an infant in her lap? Stop kidding yourself.
I love that you spelled this out so eloquently. Not to mention, she IS (right now, anyway) married to a European, who probably felt this way when the child was born. Hypocrit. It’s a very European way of raising children, and Lord knows, the test results indicate that they are FAR more emotionally stable than American kids.
Leave her alone. The boy is TWO, not TWELVE.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You took the words right out of my mouth!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone should actually look at the recomendations that the WHO gives which i posted furthur down. or look at the site where i directly copy and pasted it from. Never once does it say a minimum of two years, it says a minimum of 6 months
There is nothing selfish about not breastfeeding your child till they are 2. You are just as dumb as Sasha..co sleeping is not safe and even if it is its not healthy. Why would you want to teach your kid it is ok to not sleep in his/her own bed. That is what they are for and you are just giving your kid one more thing they need to be weened off of..I sacrifice alot for my son and love him more then anything in this world and he stopped breastfeeding at 3 months because he didnt care for it anymore and he sleeps in his own crib. I hope you dont have any kids because they will be emotional retards after you get through with them!
From what I understand…..Kelly is several months pregnant at the moment….so she couldn’t possibly be breastfeeding her 2 year old.
As for sleeping with her son….I personally wouldn’t do it(i have twin 3 year old sons)…he’s too young and it IS dangerous.
nova wtf? um, to quote obama, yes we can- breastfeed whilst pregnant. milk doesn’t stop while you are busy growing a new baby. i kinda wonder if you are a parent- two year olds are stronger than most adults and it is totally safe to share a bed with them as long as the adult doesn’t have sleep disorder or is intoxicated in any way.
Wait, two year olds are stronger than most adults? BWHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Sarcopenia must set in much earlier than research suggests. If an adult isn’t stronger than a two year old, that adult has issues. That said, adults are afraid to apply more than a fraction of their strength when dealing with children, because they don’t want to hurt the child. Understandable. But an adult weaker than a toddler? Go eat some spinach, Popeye!
Boy, you are misinformed big time. You can certainly breastfeed and nurse. And you can continue to nurse your toddler along with your newborn. It’s called tandem breastfeeding.
Co-sleeping is dangerous if you are drunk or high. I sincerely doubt that she’s either while co-sleeping with her toddler.
I have children who are 15 months apart and breastfed BOTH of my children well into my youngest daughters infancy.
It is only problematic when a person isn’t able to gain enough weight during pregnancy because her body is burning so many calories in order to produce milk.. Or, at least that’s what my doctor said.
Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately!) I never ran into that problem.
Um I nursed twins while pregnant with my 5th… um yes she can. I’m loving this definitive statements from people with no clue… oh and my twins were *shock* 18 months when I was pregnant.
I have a friend who is 5 months pregnant and still breastfeeds her 2 year old . As gross as I think it is she does it. So it isnt impossible. I would think it is not safe because it makes your uterus contract but people do it.
I don’t know why people would think this is creepy or unhealthy, I don’t think anything is wrong with it. I used to share a bed with my Mom because we lived in a single bedroom apartment. As long as the child is happy and healthy then who gives a shit?
nothing wrong with that!!
it’s healthy. it’s normal. it provides secure attachment without being overly attached/co-dependant. co-sleeping toddlers/preschoolers are among the most secure/independent kids i know, i’m the mom of one too!
Whoo, love reading about this endless debate. We are so quick to put our personal experiences on other people, with the mentality that “because it happened to me – it will happen to everyone else.” Our child slept with us for the first year of her life and all I heard from people was “ooh, you’ll never get her out of your bed.” Now, she happily sleeps in her own bed. There was no fuss at all. So there, you know what? All kids are different. There are no “If-Then” corollaries. You do what you feel is best as a parent.
And she is still breastfeeding him at 2? Is that really a big deal?
Attachment parenting, though a ‘new’ concept to our media and advertising addled brains, is as old as the upright human. Co-sleeping can be acheived safely with small beds that attach to your own, keeping your baby close by and all but removing the risk of suffocation.
– As if a new mom sleeps sound enough for that to be an issue.-
24 months is around the time a child should be introduced to a bed of their own, separate from their parents. As for breastfeeding, the unmatchable benefits for the child speak for themselves. Kids who sucks boob are smarter, more confident and more independent. Not the other way around.
I would worry about the women who want to breastfeed their kids when they are nine years old, not a woman whose kid happens to be in that limbo age where the outside world decides they know better.
Man, talking about breast feeing is like talking about relgion. People get so heated over it.
Anyway, I breastfeed and plan to do so until he’s one, perhaps longer if I feel like that’s what’s right. My son sleeps with me but he’s only 5 months old and my husband is in iraq. He will be moved to his crib once my husband comes home. I think as long as co sleeping isn’t harmful to your relationship with your spouse then it only makes it easier for those middle of the night feedings.
good luck with that. Your son will not go in his crib so easily..hate to break it to you. I hope he does for your sanity but it does not work like that.
I weaned by 1 and didn’t fully get my youngest out of my bed until he was seven ( I wanted him out, hubby said let him stay) The one who stayed in my bed the longest is the one being bussed to a different school to be in a special program for high ability kids. I found out when we were meeting with administrators (they ask the weirdest questions) that the need to sleep with the parents for a long time is common. They feel isolated amongst their peers and need a safe haven.
why does she look 60?
don’t judge til you become a parent yourself.
I know plenty of mothers who are nursing 2-year-olds; it’s not my thing personally, but it’s not uncommon or weird. And there are a lot of different kinds of co-sleeping. My toddler goes to sleep in her crib but if she wakes up in the night she gets into bed with us. It’s a lot less disruptive than putting her back to sleep in her crib. Our bed is big, she sleeps in between us, nobody rolls on top of or crushes anybody, and we all wake up happy. I don’t expect this to go on forever, but right now it’s all good. People, don’t be so quick to judge.
I don’t know about nursing a two year old but sleeping with him is not bad but I hope she puts him in his own room later on. BTW, it’s very uncomfortable sleeping with a child. I have a king size bed and my son slept with me until he was about a year and a half and it was not the best sleep I’ve ever had.
Beet, this is some crazy shit right here…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74
Okay “Personal Experience Time”!. I am a mother of a two year girl and yes I am still breastfeeding her, and yes I am co-sleeping with her. Like I mentioned above to one of the morons, according to the World Health Organization, it is recommended that you breastfeed your child a MINIMUM of two years to ensure maximum health benefits. I’m not going to list the hundreds (literally) of reasons it’s good to breastfeed into the toddler years, but some of the main reasons are that is lessens the chance tremendously of the child having childhood cancer, diabetes, allergies, and obesity. It’s been proven that children that breastfeed have higher IQ’s then formula fed babies, and get sick ALOT less often. Also, it benefits the mother by reducing her risk of breast, ovarian, and uterus cancer.
I do plan on weaning my daughter soon, but that is my personal decision. Doesn’t mean that anyone who would breastfeed longer is wrong. My daughter is EXTREMELY independent, and I know it’s because of the extended breastfeeding. I never really meant to co-sleep it just ended up that way, but eventually she will go into her own bed and I know that her security will make that transition easier. In the two years she has been alive she has been sick TWICE!. And I’m not saying she is a prodigy or anything, but she started speaking at 9 months old and was able to recite her alphabet and count to 20 by the time she was 16 months old. She is incredibly loving and friendly and I’m glad that she will grow up knowing her mom wasn’t a selfish, lazy person who didn’t want to give her the best that was possible. A lot of the greatest and most successful people in our history were breastfeed into their toddler years (ex: Micheal Jorden was BF until he was 3 years old, and Bill Gates was breastfed past one as well)
It kills me that this country is the only country where extended breastfeeding isn’t accepted. It’s only because we over sexualize breasts so much it’s past the point of recognizing what their true purpose was to begin with.
I feel for this actress because that bond she has with her son isn’t something that should be cut off cold turkey. I would literally freak out if that were happening to me and my daughter.
So to those of you who are saying it’s disgusting or whatever please do some reading before you make ridiculous judgments.
so then a mom who weans earlier would be a ‘selfish, lazy person’? how on earth is that not a ‘ridiculous judgment’?
breastfeeding children is a loving and wonderful thing; believing you are a better parent than someone who doesn’t is just plain crappy
I believe I’m a better parent than someone who smokes through her pregnancy; is that just plain crappy too?
nope….didn’t say that at all. Learn to read.
“She is incredibly loving and friendly and I’m glad that she will grow up knowing her mom wasn’t a selfish, lazy person who didn’t want to give her the best that was possible.”
yes, u pretty much said that sasha222
She is incredibly loving and friendly and I’m glad that she will grow up knowing her mom wasn’t a selfish, lazy person who didn’t want to give her the best that was possible.
Sure does sound like you said that, Sasha222, since I copied that from your post.
No, choosing to breastfeed or not, and when to wean, is not the same thing as smoking, drinking, or doing other drugs during pregnancy/nursing, and are not topics at issue. Nor is something like Britney Spears and her driving with her child in her lap.
And who wants a pissed off, toothy toddler chomping on their nipples? Can’t really do a whole lot to get them off if they wanna bite. I think it’s a bad idea to breastfeed that long, and I can’t believe that what people are saying is put forth by the WHO actually pertains to the industrialized nations, in that breastfeeding should be done for at least 2 years. Hey, I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Otherwise, I would imagine that I would’ve at least *heard* of a pediatrician that *didn’t* recommend weaning between 6 and 9 months, and no cosleeping. To me, cosleeping so you don’t have to get up to breastfeed is laziness. And before any of you decide that as the man, I never got up to feed my daughters, my wife pumped and when it came to night time feedings, i knew how to make a bottle so my wife could sleep half the time. We shared that responsibility.
SASHA
FROM THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION
“As a global public health recommendation, infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first SIX MONTHS of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for UP TO TWO YEARS or beyond. ”
That is directly from the world health organization. never once does it say a “minimum” of two years anywhere.
Please dont make up facts, maybe you should be the one doing some readying
Well I hope for your sake your daughter is a genius and never gets cancer. Cancer alot of the time is a genetic thing and there is nothing not even breastfeeding is going to do to stop it. I have a friend who was breastfed and she has 3 different types of cancer she is fighting.
You need a reality check and realize that you are going to cause more harm then good by letting your child sleep in your bed..why would you do that? You are going to have one bratty child when you decide to just stop letting her sleep in your bed. Good luck..
Ok, I’m going to say something else that I’m sure will be unpopular.
In my original note above, I was basing my perception on my interaction with moms in my peer group, all in their 30s to early 40s, mostly living in San Francisco or Marin, college educated high level professionals with one to three children.
My experience is that those who are so committed to attachment parenting, including co-sleeping and breastfeeding until 2 and beyond (and I have one friend who breastfeeds 28-month-old toddler every two hours, including THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT) are doing this to fill some need they have, rather than responding to the child’s needs.
Because, as many of you have noted, breastfeeding and co-sleeping into the second year is uncommon in our culture, doing this requires a commitment to a different lifestyle than the norm; in my experience, these moms generally have some unfilled need (to be a perfect parent, to justify not working any more, to make sure the kid has the highest iq) that is ego-based rather than nurturing. At the end of the day, if you are giving your kid a heartier physical constitution or higher iq along with the neurotic premises about what constitutes the ‘best’ parenting, you are doing them no favors at all. Nope. None at all.
In my experience, the moms who breastfeed for two years, as recommended, are educated and intelligent enough to know what is best for their children, and mature and loving enough to make it happen even if it isn’t easy. None of them think they’re perfect parents, none of them use it to justify not working, and I hate to break it to you, but in my circles they all have graduate degrees, and thanks to genetics, their kids are going to have high IQs no matter what they’re fed.
so i say, you are not a parent, huh? so cool, you hang with some moms and think you understand the inner workings of parenting. you don’t. in my experience those who judge the most are the ones who know the least. also, we should hold up parents who take excellent care of their children by consistantly meeting their needs, not bash them or analyse what they do to death. there are millions of children throughout the world who are neglected. children who have parents who love and care for them are truly blessed.
i’m not a parent???? where on earth did you get that??? i love this assumption. how outrageous. all i’m saying is, i’m sick to shit of the moms in my circle who act superior because of their breastfeeding ways.
You were spot on about being unpopular I’ll have to say. Feeling defensive much?
Nothing wrong with it.
WOW!!! Who knew breast feeding would be as controversial as abortion!!!
guess you don’t hang out with moms. it is.
I see nothing wrong with once in awhile…if they are sick or just need the extra comfort. But not often, a night or two, here and there, not a regular thing. i think it is a bad habit to start.
Why are there double/queen/king size beds? So grown ups can sleep together DUH! What bad habits are you thinking the kids are going to start by sleeping with their parents?
As the mother of a two year old, I can only say that people need to stop being so judgmental on BOTH sides. Co-sleeping works for some families and not for others, same with breast feeding into the toddler years. It’s a personal decision made for an assortment of reasons, most of which are no one’s business but your own. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but name calling and acting superior because you feel what’s right for YOU should work for everyone is just plain silly. What they are doing works for them, that is all that should matter.
In Canada you are entitled to a YEAR mat leave so for us breast feeding for well over a year is not uncommon. In fact most of my friends did it until the child decided a bottle looked better – in their second year. None of these kids have grown three heads because of it.
What??
Are you saying there is something wrong with taking care of your child?!
My 4year old still comes in to our bed at night when he wakes up. Why would I ignore his need of human company and love?
Becuase you guys have some twisted opinions about a child and adult in the same bed? You people make me sick.
kattis, I think everyone above was talking about co-sleeping– like the child ALWAYS sleeps in your bed. they do not have their own. it’s every single night. I would imagine that all the parents above would of course let their frightened child climb into bed with them.
My daughter, who is now 3 1/2, slept with us until she was nearly two. She had her own bed; she just preferred to snuggle with us at night. My son who is 16 months, slept with us while I breastfed him, until he was 7 months and I had to stop. (I was accidentally poisoned and couldnt risk my sons life by continuing.) There are still times when they both crawl into bed with us, and we would never tell them no; they are both healthy, independent children. What works for some people doesn’t work for others. I don’t think this should even be news, really.
Well he starts of in his own bed but he almost always end up in our bed. 80% of all nights. He isnt frightened. Not at all he wants to be with us.
And does it matter is it more normal for my child to sleep in my bed because he has a bed of his own? Is it just wierd and what not when he does it all the time?
To even think twice about a 2year old sleeping in bed with his parents is just stupid. It is a SMALL child!
You’d be surprised thatLisa – I know of parents who have locked their children outside because they’ve interrupted their night’s sleep by being too scared to sleep in their own beds. Once the kids have sobbed themselves into a coma they are put back into their own beds and NEVER come into their parents’ room again. And the parents boasted about teaching their kids not to manipulate them.
i have an almost four year old daughter and i breastfed her (just before bed) until she was two and a half. i really resent the fact that in this society, i have to be embarassed of that fact.
raising her has been wonderful, everything has flowed perfectly, and that was just how breastfeeding and weaning worked for us. i also co slept with her until she was two and a half, and i can tell you, i probably had more sleep when she was an infant than most parents of infants do, she slept better being right next to me, and i slept better being able to reach out and feel her little heartbeat in the middle of the night.
i think it i so incredibly closed-minded and judgemental for ANYONE (whether you are a parent or not) to say what is right or wrong for any other parent when it comes to breastfeeding. some women choose or are forced to wean and six months: they have their reasons and that’s that. some choose to BF until their child is 4 years old. and that’s ok too.
and as for co-sleeping… my daughter never once fell out of bed, was rolled on, soffocated, etc. i always knew (call it mother’s intuition if you want) exactly where she was in the bed and moved my body accordingly.
let’s all just keep our snarky comments to ourselves and accept the wishes of others, even though we may not agree with them.
I agree. To each their own!
I love a good breastfeeding fight; thank you, Evil Beet.
Man, go to CafeMom.com. Now THERE are some crazy fights over the whole BF topic. It….gets….nasty. I didn’t know what a breastfeeding Nazi was until i went on there…
And I want to clarify that I have nothing against mom’s who dont BF. I just personally would never give my kid formula and think it’s gross, but i don’t think a mother is bad for giving it to them. I just get really really pissed off when this topic comes up, and I admit I don’t like people telling me im doing something wrong as a mother cause I’m still breastfeeding my kid. And I get even more mad when people are misinformed. I mean it is EXTREMELY rare that a woman can’t breastfeed. I’m talking…..rare. But so many women are misinformed that they fall for the usual myths. If only awareness was more available we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Kudos to her.
She sounds like a fantastic mother who is practicing attachment parenting by co-sleeping and extending her breastfeeding.
At 2, her son isn’t dependent on her breastmilk, so he should be able to have an over night visit away from her. I am sure that he will let his father know if he’d like someone to sleep with him (and if someone IS sleeping with him each night, the answer will likely be yes.)
Attachment parenting is a loving, gentle parenting philosophy and I applaud her for being so public in her practice of it.
I even think more of her now.
haha! all you old bitches got saggy tits to match your stretched out cooters!
breastfeeding doesn’t cause saggy breasts — gravity does.. Mine are still perky, ask my husband.
Dude, STFU. If had a clue, you’d know breast feeding doesn’t cause sag. Oh, and “cooters” are remarkably elastic. They tend to “revert to form” not too long after delivery in most women.
I’m sure most (parents) would agree that it takes a whole lot more than mere breastfeeding, whether it’s for 1 month or 4 years, to raise a happy, healthy & independent child! I chose to breastfeed for 3 years as my life circumstances afforded me this opportunity. Many mothers do not have this opportunity, are misinformed, discouraged or simply do not make this choice. The way some people act one would think I spent every waking moment of those entire 3 years with my child on my breast! There’s no convincing you. I have put in much more than just my time breastfeeding to raise my 7 year old and he’s no mama’s boy!
Wow. I should have learned by now not to be amazed every time I see Americans getting so het up over something that is considered so normal in other parts of the world.
It sounds to me like this woman is being the best mother she can to her child, despite the peculiar cultural opposition she gets from a society founded on puritan principles. Mad props to good mothering!
I know a woman who slept with her 9 year old son…and I know a woman who still sleeps with her 10 year old daughter….
My generation of siblings and cousins and the generations before it in our family all were bottle fed and all have bad allergies, asthma, ear infections in childhood and catch lots of viruses. I was the very first in my family to breastfeed my three kids, and I did so until just past the age of two and also they shared a bed with my husband and I until they were 4 years old. The breastfeeding was a conscious decision based upon my educating myself about the benefits to the immune system, as well as other benefits, to the child in childhood well into adulthood.
My children, one is now an adult in college, and the other two are now almost adults, have never ever had a single allergic reaction nor ear infection ever. They hardly ever get sick. No asthma. They seem to be physically the most healthy kids in our family. All are honor students- national honor society, in sports and healthy minded, well behaved kids. They’re very independent yet respectful, have healthy friends, participate in school/college activities, etc.
I realize that much of that has to do with many other factors, but I do belive they are living testament to the many Immune, Cognitive and Health Benefits of breastfeeding for two years.
Wow long posts and I will come bac k and read them all later because I’m sure they are interesting. I’m not a mom but I know for safety reaons you should never share a bed with a toddler/infant since it would be oh so easy to roll over on them and crush them or accidentaly smother them with a pillow or bl;anket. I know I thrash around a lot in my sleep and it drives my boyfriend insane. Breastfeeding is healthy and if you can do it for two years go for it! It’s whats best for the baby but I wouldnt go much past two because then they may have a lot of trouble weaning. If you were implying as I’m sure you were by that eye grabbing headline that breastfeeding abd co-sleeping are somehow pervers then you are very immature and sad indeed and I hope you are not planning on becoming a mother anytime soon. Probably you think boys have cooties as well. Sorry that just really offended me for no reason whatsoever. Anyway there is no hanky panky going on, its just her being an overprotective mom which I don’t agree with but I don’t believe anytghing sexualy inappropriate is going on in the least. Shame on you for insinuating such a thing. How would you feel if I accused you of sexually abusing your dog? GROSS right!? Yes so is this.
Horse doo doo Stevie, Weaning at any age can either be difficult or easy depending on child and mother and the people who support them. And as for not co-sleeping, well just because you thrash round doesn’t mean the rest of us do.
FWIW I agree with the rest of your post.
You women in here calling each other retarded over a difference of opinion on something as simple as breast feeding have no business raising children.
Maybe you should get your tittie out of your eight year olds mouth and learn how to properly have a discussion.
I hope no one is out there calling your kids retards.
Tittie freaks
its personal choice. in some cultures it is completely normal and expected that the child would breast feed untill 2 or 3 years and sleep with the mom.
here in the USA 6 months to a year of breast feeding is normal and the occational night in bed with mom is accepted so this does make kathy look weird.
me personaly. i might pump and give it to the baby in a bottle untill 2 years old but as soon as that little terd’s teeth come in i am all finished breast to mouth feeding. and i happen to enjoy my husband in my bed and am going to encurage my kids to sleep alone untill they get married.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold the loving maternal instincts of someone who “might pump” for her child: “that little terd.” QED.
jr ‘s got national geograpic tiities!!!
i see nothing wrong with breast feeding until two or ao, but i don’t know about the the co-sleeping situation. if you let them sleep with you until they are 3 or 4 years old isn’t it impossible to get them to sleep in their own bed? and what about sex? do you just not have it at night? not judging, just asking.
Not really a issue. As I said our son has his own bed. He always start of the night in it. But when he wakes up he comes in to our bed. I could get up and put him in his bed again but why would I?
We all like it and there is nothing as wonderful as waking up with a tiny little nose a inch from your own face :)
Safe and loved all hours of the day.
And sex isnt something you have to have in bed. Hey we got a sofa, table, shower and so on ^^ not really a problem.
LOL… yes, when you become a parent, sex is (like most things) something you become creative about.
Nope.. my oldest slept with me until 3 and went to his own bed without issue.
Twins were transitioned earlier because I was pregnant and I didn’t think it was safe to co-sleep with three kids under two. They went to their own beds at 22 months and did fine. Now if you follow the math 5 was conceived during the time frame we were co-sleeping. We rarely have sex in bed… so boring ;) We have sex in other rooms while the children sleep. Oh and we’re *knock wood* never been caught!
my brother and his wife still sleep with their two kids, girl 5 boy 3. the mother is still attached and wants to be as close as she can to her kids before they reach their teen years and push her away, which i can understand…but don’t agree to. the kids are babied soo much i hate it! *sigh* but we’re asian so..
Its all up to the mother and the child and what they feel theyre ready for. I personally do not let my daughter sleep with us and shes 16months. The only time I feel like its ok to slet your child sleep in bed with you is when they are sick. It does ( and speaking from experience here ) hurt your relationship with your spouse to have your child co-sleep IN the bed because the mother tends to forget that the hisband is there and focuses everything on the child.
The most hilarious thing in all these posts is “how can the couple be intimate if there is a baby in the bed?” For the sweet love of any deity you care to mention – get creative!!! Do every single one of you only fuck in a bed? Do you only have one bed in your house? Are you so incredibly inhibited that you think that you have to have sex in mummy and daddy’s bed and nowhere else? Geez, no wonder you are so hung up about your kids sharing your bed. You’ve got the bed confused with your sex life. If it’s so wrong for the baby/toddler/kid to be in your bed then why the hell are two grown ups sleeping together? Like go sleep on your own in the dark in your room kid but ma and pa get to sleep together and feel safe and secure together.
No logic there at all that I can see…
i like that you have posted multiple comments claiming other people are being defensive when actually it is you. Maybe you should stop criticizing others choices just because they are different than yours.
Just because it is your way doesnt mean it is the right way.
sorry, went back and checked but no, there was only one “defensive” comment. That was to “so…”
I love a good bf/co-sleeping stoush :)
Can’t help myself!
yes, we only fuck in beds
we must have all been fed formula, and so ended up without your genius creativity; worry not, krz!
I had both…so go figure :)
frik people its none of your business to judge her
but u slept in my moms bed till i was five some nights i slept in my own room and sometimes in my moms
and im not a freak if anything im very independent so obviously its not bad losers
no i did not sleep in your moms bed until you were 5.
had to.
hahahaha
i ment i
I personally dont like the thought of breastfeeding past the age of 1 and my son was just over it at 3 months..he has always slept in his bassinet and then when he was about 6 weeks went into his crib because he got too big..now people can do whatever you want but with their 2 year old sleeping in their bed im surprised she even got knocked up again lol..it was probably the reason he left! It is just stupid there is no reason for it. They should sleep in their own beds that is why the invented cribs!
i think its ok..its comforting during a confusing and distressing time for such a yung child-i did it with my son-theres no sexuality involved hes 2 years old..what does he know besides sesame street and chocolate cookies? but the breast feeding thing…thats a bit much. cut off dates for breast feeding should be MAX 1 year. sure its bonding but there are other ways to bond with your children! everyone has thier own way of dealing with stressful situations and in the end you do whats best for the 2 of you.