Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Disneyland’s Jack Sparrows Laid Off Due to Economy Breasts

I have nothing to add to this. I don’t even fully understand it. But I don’t think I can make it any funnier than just copy/pasting from KTLA’s website:

ANAHEIM — Disneyland management has fired the four actors who played pirate Jack Sparrow because officials were worried about young female park-goers flashing the swashbuckling actors late at night, according to one former cast member.

“They lost control when they saw Jack Sparrow,” said former pirate Brandon Pinto, who left the role after a dispute with management a year ago. “This is a sexy, rock-star pirate.”

The pirate actors said they were told they were no longer needed for the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride at about the same time that additional fairies were added to the park’s cast, presumably to promote Disney’s new movie “Tinkerbell.”

Disneyland recently opened “Pixie Hollow” to capitalize on the new movie.

Disney denies that they pirates were replaced by Tinker Bell fairies.

Here’s what I have to say: If you’ve been laid off recently, you should be really, really pissed that someone somewhere is getting paid actual U.S. dollars to research and write that article.

10 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Wait, should those that have been laid off also be pissed at you for being paid U.S. dollars to research and write an article about another article that they should be pissed about having been researched and written in the first place?
    I wish I still smoked weed. That would have totally blew my mind.

  • seriously? seriously? They work @ Disney and they get to see tits for free? Do these teen girls know that these are random dudes? Go figure. I’m holdin it down unemployed while people are getting paid for this? god the u.s. is a great place…..

  • Ummm I work at disney now and this is not true b/c I put my makeup on every morning right next to them….

  • That made… a lot of sense. Whatever the story is– this was my go-to-line : Disney denies that the pirates were replaced by Tinker Bell fairies. Working a Disney production must be a lot of fun.

    Can the Tinker Bell fairies do triple duty and maybe replace the Jonas Brothers.. Just sain’.