Sooo … my night tonight was a BUMMER. Memo to dude in LA who I used to date and wanted to hang out tonight: You are NOT GOOD COMPANY when you decide to share with me about how you just broke up with your girlfriend, who is absolutely your soul-mate but doesn’t get you hard, and the sexual problems between the two of you were obvious because you were having such mind-blowing sex with the hot chick you were seeing on the side and you’re sorry you have to keep checking your text messages but it’s really complicated right now because they both might be pregnant and can you pass the chicken satay? What? Why are you giving me that look?
ZOMG. I remembered you being a lot less of a fuckhead than this, buddy. And who the hell picks up smoking at the age of 28? And you can’t pay for dinner because you don’t have a job and all your “money” is tied up “in the stock market” right now? You are gross and pathetic, and please delete my number from your cell phone.
For what it’s worth, though, Pathetic Fuckhead told me that the Washington Redskins always play the day before the election and, for the past hundred years, whenever they’ve lost that game, the Oval Office has changed parties. The Redskins lost to the Steelers tonight by a solid margin.
Anyway, I came home from this disaster of a dinner and someone had sent me this link and it put a smile back on my face. It’s some recent correspondence between an Australian call center employee and his supervisor.
From: Niresh Regmi
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:35 a.m.
To: Kyle Doyle
Subject: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
Hi Kyle,
Please provide a medical certificate stating a valid reason for your sick leave on Thursday 21st 2008.
Thank You
NIRESH REGMI
Real Time Manager, Workforce Operations
From: Kyle Doyle
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:38 a.m.
To: Niresh Regmi
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
Niresh,
1 day leave absences do not require a medical certificate as stated in my contract, provided I have stated that I am on leave for medical reasons.
Thanks
Regards,
Kyle Doyle
Resolutions Expert – Technical
From: Niresh Regmi
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:39 a.m.
To: Kyle Doyle
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
Hi Kyle,
Usually that is the case, as per your contract. However please note that leave during these occasions is only granted for genuine medical reasons. You line manager has determined that your leave was not due to medical reasons and as such we cannot grant leave on this occasion.
NIRESH REGMI
From: Kyle Doyle
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:43 a.m.
To: Niresh Regmi
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
Hi Niresh,
My leave was due to medical reasons, so you cannot deny leave based on a line manager’s discretion, with no proof, please process leave as requested.
Thanks
Regards,
Kyle Doyle
From: Niresh Regmi
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:50 a.m.
To: Kyle Doyle
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
Hi Kyle,
I believe the proof that you are after is below
From: Kyle Doyle
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:55 a.m.
To: Niresh Regmi
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21st 2008
HAHAHA LMAO epic fail
No worries man
Regards,
Kyle Doyle
Thanks Andy!
sorry beet, that guy you dated really is a fuckhead…
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/schedule?year=2004#8
not only did they not play on MNF that year… they lost on the sunday before… but the political party stayed the same, as im sure we noticed over the last 4 years….
This is the best fucking thing I have read in a long, long time.
Oh, Australia. My beautiful, beautiful country. You produce such wonderful things.
That was totally hilarious. Sucker got busted!!
I’m so sorry Beet that that guy was such a dickhead. So many of them are :(
…but then a really sweet awesome guy comes along and gives you the best oral ever and makes it all better :)
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Funny, but that Facebook sickie thing is a fake. It flew around everyone’s email in Australia the same day, and was dbunked the day after. Still funny though.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,24549798-421,00.html
That guy was such a twat to you! I am sorry that he was such a turd to you. Thanks for sharing with us what put a smile on your face after the bad dinner. As for the Redskins, I believe that in the history, the only time that it didnt prove true was in 2004. I heard that on a radio show this morning via the sportscaster that is a diehard, and I mean diehard, Redskins fan.
I hope that you have a better night and glorious day tomorrow.
*debunked
This may help:
If history is any indication, there is indeed a 94% chance that the Monday Night Football game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Washington Redskins will decide the election.
Since 1936, the Redskins are 17-1 in determining the result of the upcoming election. Here’s how it works: If the Redskins win their last home game before the presidential election, the incumbent party remains in office, which would be McCain and the Republicans in 2008. If the Redskins lose their last home game before the election, the other party takes office, which would be Obama and the Democrats in the event that the Steelers win this year.
The only problem is that this system, while incredibly accurate, is on a losing streak. The Redskins were 17-0 in predicting the next president of the United States of America until the most recent Election Day in 2004, when the Skins fell to the Green Bay Packers at home on Halloween, 28-14. Since Washington lost at home, George W. Bush of the incumbent Republican party was supposed to lose the election to Democrat John Kerry–but we all know how that turned out. So either the losing streak will continue on Tuesday, or the system will start another run of 17-straight accurate predictions.
Beet, here is something else that will put many-a-smile upon your face…
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
some GOOD stuff in there!!!
ah, bless Passive Aggressive xx
This was a fabulously witty, clever & cutting post. Epic-proportions greatness! THIS IS WHY I AM YOUR DEVOTED FAN YOU BEET-GODDESS!!!
How I wish I had a blog like this to take out my righteous indignatious-filled rages against douche bags like your ex. Great stuff on Kyle as well.
Have a good day….I’M GOING TO VOTE NOW. GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Beet, you made my day! BTW, why is it always that links do not open in new tabs on your site… html “target=blank”?
OMG. My ex-boyfriend pulled the same shit with “I can’t get it up with my new girlfriend”.. but instead of having a hot chick on the side he asked if he could do it with me instead. Seriously? Some guys are so lame.
http://view.break.com/527579
This is pretty funny, too
Aw, Beet.
Please stop thinking you have to be friends with your ex-boyfriends and guys you used to date.
Every time I drop in LA, I hang out with my ex. It’s always really depressing, but not because he’s turned into a dickhead. On the contrary; it’s because he’s even kinder, funnier, and handsomer, and I’m just fatter.
i feel your pain beet
x
Facebook is the devil. :P
g srry that happened 2 u. TEE HEE HEE!!!!!!!
Why didn’t you say all of this to his face?
oh jennatar….i’m feelin’ ya! don’t sweat it, I am sure he has a list of things that make him bittersweet about you too. rock on sister!
Bet you Beet still fucked him.