Today's Evil Beet Gossip

David Duchovny’s Out of Sexhab

Eh, it doesn’t quite have the same ring as Isaiah Washington’s “gayhab,” does it?

What else could we call it?

Porn-hab? Blow-hab? Wee-hab? Heh. I’m cracking up over wee-hab, even though I don’t even really know what it means. I really just think we need a kick-ass new term for sex-hab.

Whatever you choose to call it, David Duchovny is out of it. His attorney confirmed on Monday that he “has successfully completed rehabilitation.”

Is there a graduation for sex-hab? If so, how does one become the valedictorian?

I know, I know. I’m being insensitive.

Can I just tell a story I love?

So I’m driving around with my high-school boyfriend, and I’m making him listen to an old Jewel CD. Well, it wasn’t old at the time, but it’s old now, like I am. And the song “I’m Sensitive” comes on and he’s like “Ugh, I’m changing this stupid CD,” and I’m like, “Aww, baby, I want you to appreciate that I’m sensitive, and I want you to be sensitive, too,” and he says, in all earnest, “Baby, I am sensitive … at the tip of my dick.”

Anyway.

Congrats David. Good luck keeping your penis out of places it oughtn’t be.

22 CommentsLeave a comment

  • hahaha. shit, i did the like multiple haha thing again, but that’s the best story of a guy being a guy that i’ve heard in quite a while. i actually think your old boyfriend is, for his gender, extremely self-aware and should be awarded a medal.

  • who wants to bet on how many times he stroked the salami while in rehab thinking about some 19 year old intern on the set of his show? he’s a fucking pussy! tia leone isn’t worth going to rehab for. i could understand if it had been some maneater like scarlett johannson, but tia leone? sheesh…. david, let’s face it buddy, you’re just another pussy whipped faggot.

  • re; beet

    i bet you’re awesome in the sack. quit teasing us with this talk and just put the fucking sex tape out so we can all buy it, bitch!

  • I had to tell that story to my husband. THAT is a classic!

    As for David, if you know where I can find him I would like to be the first to welcome him back…perhaps wearing something naughty…

  • Ha! that sounds like something my current boyfriend would say.
    I would probably flick it, and then ask him how sensitive he was now…..

  • like alcoholics the do the rehab thing and obviously the can’t drink anymore, so that means that this guy can’t have sex anymore???

    How does a sex addict acts, so they hump everything, did David humped Leone’s leg and thats when they realized he had a sex problem??, thats some much bull shit

  • Why do I found out now that he was a sex addict? Why do I have to find out that now, now that my beloved Mulder has “recovered.” Here’s to falling off the wagon (insert obvious joke about him falling on me).

  • Sex rehab? What a joke. I’m sure whoever thought that one up is laughing all the way to the bank.

    I wonder if Tea Leoni thinks that’s his real problem.

  • It’s called: how not to pay massive gigantic huge amounts of alimony if you can help it – cause you’ve only really got a disease!