Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Paris, Not France

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden hit up the Toronto Film Festival on Tuesday for the premiere of Paris, Not France, a documentary film about -- what else? -- the life of Paris Hilton. The film is the first feature effort for director Adria Petty. With close access to Hilton, Petty shot extensive footage of Hilton talking about her image, her notorious sex tape, the tabloid photographers who follow her and just the business of being herself. "I'm basically being judged, and they're creating thi...

It’s Working!

After McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as VP and the Republican National Convention, John McCain's numbers went up six percent, mostly because he gained a TON of support from independent voters, and even won over quite a few Democrats. Here's my theory: Before the Sarah Palin nonsense, Barack Obama's campaign had all the hype, all the glamor, all the excitement. Sarah Palin brings those things to the McCain campaign, which had previously been a non-story about an old white dude who's run fo...

Uh, Ashton Kutcher’s Coaching High-School Football

The freshman football team at LA's exclusive Harvard-Westlake school just got a whole lot cooler than varsity. Ashton Kutcher is their new assistant coach. And, no, it's not for a role. "I asked him why he wanted to coach," said the head coach of the team about Ashton's interview process. "He said he's a dad, he has three daughters, and none of them are into sports. He loves football, and he said he’d always wanted to coach." Ashton will attend practice five days a week and re...

Lindsay Lohan’s Tits are Totally Real

Do you know why I love you guys? Well, many reasons, but one of them is that, no matter how many pictures of Lindsay Lohan I run, I get emails from you guys, like, "Can you run more photos of Lindsay Lohan?" Sigh. This is why we get along so well, you guys. I'd say the best argument for Ali Lohan's tits being real are these awesome side boob shots of La Lohan from the VMAs. These things are real and they are glorious, people. These girls are just genetically inclined to have phenom...

Victoria Beckham’s First Line of Dresses Revealed!

Apparently all the buzz at New York Fashion Week is about Victoria Beckham's Pret a Porter dress collection. Says the Style.com review: Every one of them could've been pulled from Beckham's own closet. The silhouette is beyond body-conscious, ultra-fitted from shoulder line to below the knee, with special seams along the derriere and torso to ensure against flat rear ends and busts, respectively. And each comes with woman-friendly details like a rose-gold back zipper ("so you don't hav...

Lindsay Lohan Is Done with the Drama

La Lohan has a new interview in the October issue of Marie Claire, and, if the teaser on their website is to be believed, it's quite a departure from her past interviews. Lindsay speaks with a new-found maturity and appreciation for the impact of her actions. She understands what it does to an entire movie set when she shows up acting like a bitch. She understands what a terrible influence her father is ("We've gone through enough with him. Enough is enough."), she's done living in hotels...

Ernest Borgnine Reveals Secret to Looking Good in Old Age

Watch it all the way to the end. If this doesn't start your day off with a smile ... well then fuck off and go to CuteOverload.com, okay? I try my best. Ernest Borgnine talking about masturbation is the closest thing we get to cute around here. This clip is additionally notable because it was sent to me by my mother, under the subject line "celebrity gossip." Of course I'm expecting, like, some interview with Paris Hilton or the like. And then I realize that Ernest Borgnine is my mother's idea of a celebrity, and an old man's admission that he masturbates regularly is my mother's idea of gossip. I love you, Mom. You're cute. /> Watch it all the way to the end. If this doesn't start your day off with a smile ... well then fuck off and go to CuteOverload.com, okay? I try my best. Ernest Borgnine talking about masturbation is the closest thing we get to cute around here. This clip is additionally notable because it was sent to me by my mother, under the subject line "celebrity gossip." Of course I'm expecting, like, some interview with Paris Hilton or the like. And then I realize that Ernest Borgnine is my mother's i...