Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Finally Fired!

After TWO (unsuccessful) stints in rehab and a ton of bizarre behavior, The Insider host Pat O'Brien has finally been fired. "Pat O'Brien is a talented broadcaster who has been a part of 'The Insider' family from the very beginning," a representative for the show said in a statement. "Although we have decided to part ways, everyone at CBS Television Distribution and 'The Insider' greatly appreciate and respect all his contributions to our show. We wish Pat much success in his future endeavors." So, with not m...

Earning His Keep

Hey, you guys, wanna know what I was doing this afternoon? If you guessed "spending $89 at the Apple Store for a new laptop power cord because Leo ate the original one when you left him unattended on the floor of your cubicle for five minutes," well, either you're freaky psychic or you, ya know, work with me. But anyway. $89!!!! I can buy a hooker for that! So Leo has to wear stupid clothes and pose for photographs until he earns himself $89 in page views. I'm not fucking kiddin...

Enjoy It While It Lasts!

Here's 90210 semi-starlet AnnaLynne McCord (you may know her better as "the one who eats") at the Emmy swag lounge, eagerly posing with everything. I mean, fucking everything. Listen, AnnaLynne, baby, the A-listers don't pose on bicycles. They just don't. But you don't really care, do you? Your show's gonna last another half-season, and then you'll be gone forever, and you know it. So get your hands on everything you can, gorgeous. Also: Doesn't she totally look 16? [gallery]...

Sometimes I Misunderstand How Meth Winds Up in My Bedroom, Too

Here's poor Redmond O'Neal, being shamelessly hounded by the paparazzi as he goes on a grocery run. Redmond, you'll recall, was arrested along with his father, Ryan O'Neal, early Wednesday morning, when the cops found meth on Redmond and in Ryan's bedroom. I do feel bad for the poor kid, who's never done anything to put himself in the spotlight, trying to deal with these paparazzi assholes, but then he comes with this line: "It's just a major misunderstanding. Life goes on, you know," and later adds that "it happens to everyone." I totally hear that, Redmond. I've been in the same situation. I don't smoke meth, either. But sometimes I pass out in my bathtub after three or four days of smoking crack, and I wake up two days later and all my crackhead friends are gone, and now there's fucking meth in my bedroom. And I just stare at the shit, like, "This must be some sort of a misunderstanding." Best of luck to ya, kid. /> Here's poor Redmond O'Neal, being shamelessly hounded by the paparazzi as he goes on a grocery run. Redmond, you'll recall, was arrested along with his father, Ryan O'Neal, early Wednesday morning, when the cops found meth on Redmond and in Ryan's bedroom. I do feel bad for the poor kid, who's never done anything to put himself in the spotlight, trying to deal with these paparazzi assholes, but then he comes with this line: "It's just a major misunderstanding. Life goes on, you know," and...

Oh Praise Jesus, Paris Hilton’s Dogs Are Fine!

Thankfully, all that nastiness about her dogs being eaten by coyotes was just an Internet rumor. Not only are the dogs alive, they also have a way better life than you do. "They were at Paris's house Wednesday in her recording studio, and all the dogs were playing and looked as healthy and happy as can be," says her rep. "Paris even had a doggie mansion built for them and it is very secured." Sweet. Side note: So I did a Google image search for "Paris Hilton dogs" to find a suitable photo to accompany this article. I clicked on the photo I liked best, and I ended...

REMINDER: Submit Your Entries to the Life and Times of Tim Contest!

Okay, so the shit I'm getting in my inbox for this contest is cracking me up. Like, I'm laughing out loud at almost every one of them and I have NO idea how I'm going to choose a winner. You guys are HILARIOUS and I love you so much. I have a feeling I'm going to be printing a bunch of these on the site, even if I only choose three winners. (Don't worry, guys, no last names.) So here's your reminder to get your entries to this contest in to me by Friday night. To enter, send me an accoun...