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It Might Just Indeed Be On…

August 28, 2008
Spiteful Lars
Uncategorized
34 Comments

Hi there.

You may have just read Beet mentioning that I (and maybe EvilT??) are going to fill in for a few posts. Exciting stuff, right? I know, I know, I suck and every time I fill in some big name celebrity dies. So my apologies in advance to the readers AND the dead people.

However, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go off on a slight rant.

I know you guys get a ton of EB telling you about her personal life. From her preferred method of sexual intercourse to how many people Leo peed on in a given day – you probably feel like you’re reasonably well informed on our Beet. I felt that way too.

But given what she told me before she went out of town I’ve got to ask: What is going on with our girl??

Let’s look at the facts.

She used to live in L.A. Now she lives in Seattle. She used to be bleach blonde. Now she’s a vivacious brunette. She used to sit inside and surf the net for porn like some sort of weird deviant. NOW SHE’S HIKING OUTDOORS???

Do you see my concern here? I mean, you think you know someone and then they go off hiking on you. And picking berries?? The Beet I know wouldn’t have risked scratching those perfectly manicured hands to pick a goddamn berry. She would have paid someone to bring the berries to her mountain lair. That was Evil Beet style. Now? I don’t know. I assume she’s off doing pilates in a forest. Clearly the world has turned on its axis.

I guess I’m not mad so much as alarmed. I mean, what’s next? Will she be getting some tribal art on her arm? Perhaps volunteering to help plant trees? I used to call her and she’d be at Les Deux. Now she’s not getting service because she’s “connecting with nature.”

Anyway. That’s all for now. If a gossip story jumps out of my computer today I’ll post something hateful about it. Rest assured I’m NOT going outside today. You ever been to Seattle? It’s like fucking Mordor right now.

Yours in love and loss,

Spiteful Lars

34 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Spiteful Lars! I like your style! Glad to know your concern for the Beet is genuine as Beet better never get a tribal tat. That just like the tramp stamp shall pass in popularity as it should……hope to hear more from your snappy ass!

  • HAHAHAHAHA!!!! MORDOR!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! That MADE my day!

    But the whole post was hysterical. Good job, Spiteful Lars! I love reading your posts! :)

  • Yeah I can see why Beet asked you people to cover for her. You’re about as unfunny as she is. The Mordor part was a good description of the weather here at the moment, but it doesn’t salvage an entire post of mildly almost funny comments that needed another good half hour or more of work to actually be amusing.

  • @the dumb person

    Mordor. As in, Lord of the Rings. Middle Earth. The site where the Ring To Rule Them All was forged. Very evil dark place.

  • These replies are super catty and bitchy. I love it.

    Lol, “wizardy shit”. That made me giggle.

  • I’ve lived in Seattle for a year now. Upon moving here last fall, I promptly died my hair brown too. And I was pissed to see the city was nothing like a Grey’s Anatomy scene.

  • @anonymyth

    No! In fact, I may just do this all damn day now, because its amusing to see people like you chime in when I get you all irritated. Its like sweet nourishment to my dark and empty soul.

    @”Mallory”: Doesn’t take someone who watches “wizardy” shit to know what Mordor is, just someone with an IQ above 4.

  • Either TSS has forgot to type his name into the box, or we have another idiot leaving “witty” comments on every post to pass their life away.

  • IQ has nothing to do with knowing what “Mordor” means. Although I’ve nothing against it, I’ve never read/seen Lord of the Rings. I’m okay with that.

  • No, actually you read Lord of The Rings occasionally in High School and often in college, so yes, your IQ does have to be above 4 and if you are to spell hoe spell it right.

  • Oh so the Beet finally got fired and this Lars guy is filling in until the corporate people figure out what to do? Is it only me that thinks this? People come and go so quickly around here- quote from the Wizard of Oz.

    Something is fishy in Denmark? She got suspended for subordination? Come on–what’s really going on?

    I hope this site is not going to start sounding like the Hilton creep’s site where everyone flames each other. Feel free to liberally delete them. I don’t remember seeing so much of it when the Beet was here.

    Was she caught hacking into someone’s private computer with all her school learned computer knowledge? She was trying to get even with someone because they made some nasty remarks about Leo — that little pisser! Come-on what’s going on? I smell a scandal here?

  • This is sooo true!! My best friend moved from L.A. to Portland (which is kinda like Seattle, right?) and the same sh*t happend. He now lives in a house that is like “farmish” and got into antiques, baking, and having chickens for the fresh eggs. It is totally weird! Watch out, because soon our little Beet might be growing some dreads and wearing Crocs.

  • Really? Because I got through high school and an Ivy League university without having to read Tolkien once. So congratulations–you obviously have a real shot at winning nerd Jeopardy.

  • Serious? Maybe you should’ve delved a little deeper into Seattle info (especially weather ) before going :P

    Also, zho-mah-gawd, the granolas, and their Croc clad army. Go eat a dick you Schmuck.

  • LOL AT JENNATAR!!. and to the smartass who keeps changing his name… I have a degree in psychology, which means my IQ is definatly above … however my knowledge in this field also tells me that you are a fuck face lowlife.

  • ok…i’ve lived in seattle for 8 years and a word to anyone else who is thinking of moving here and thinks it will be like a tv show: we have no decent public transportion…you know that fabulous monorail that is whizzing overhead in every scene in grey’s and every movie about seattle? it only goes about three blocks. yeah, nobody rides it but tourists. and you know how in frasier he and niles would always go to their local coffehouse and get a great seat? that doesn’t happen either, because every table is full of assholes with their laptops who order one non-fat, half caf chai tea latte with extra foam and then myspace all damn day. also, every interesting, independent business is now gone because seattle is becoming a city of condos that nobody can afford to buy. yeah, it’s become pretty stale, i hate to say.