With the amount of time Matthew spends shirtless, the poor kid's not going to know whose nipple to suck on. He's also probably going to know how to surf before he knows how to walk. Camila Alves gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Monday evening. Says Matty in a statement: "A healthy baby boy was born. Camila and I were side by side the entire time. We are both tired and elated, and are so happy to have created the greatest miracle in the world — Having a child and makin...

Okay, so I have to tell you guys this story. When I was in New York City with my sister, we got spray tans. I think I mentioned this previously. We were just wandering around the West Village, and we saw this spray tan place called Color Tanning, and I was like, "Ooh, let's get spray tans!" We went inside and talked to the girl there, and she said it would be $90 each for the spray tans. Now, that was pretty steep, but I figured, hey, we're in New York, and this would be a fun thing to do with my little sister. So I said okay, sure, let's go for it. So we get our spray tans, and we look damn good, not too orange, and I generally feel it's worth the money. Plus the girl gives us these little kits of lotions for our face and bodies, and the lotions are awesome, and it's all good. Today, I check my credit card bill online, and Color Tanning has charged me for over $450. I figure there must be some mistake, so I call them up to explain the situation. I talked to the same girl who did our spray tans, and she was like, "Oh, well the tans were $90 and the lotion kits were $120." I was like "WHAT???" There was NO FREAKING MENTION of those lotion kits costing me ANYTHING. She gave them to use like they were freebies that came along with a $90 freaking tan! Absolutely NO HINT that the fucking lotion kits cost MORE THAN THE TAN. I mean, in fairness, I guess I did sign the credit card receipt without looking too carefully, but still. That shit should be illegal. You should have to tell people when you're selling them something and not act like it's free so that you can get a commission on it. I called my sister to tell her about it, and to warn her not to spill a drop of this precious, precious lotion, and she was like "You should report her to the Better Business Bureau!" And I was like, "Eh, that's too much work," and then she was like, "You know what? You should BLOG about it!" And I was like, "Oooh, I like that idea much better." So anyway. COLOR TANNING. IN MANHATTAN'S WEST VILLAGE. SUCKS. />Okay, so I have to tell you guys this story. When I was in New York City with my sister, we got spray tans. I think I mentioned this previously. We were just wandering around the West Village, and we saw this spray tan place called Color Tanning, and I was like, "Ooh, let's get spray tans!" We went inside and talked to the girl there, and she said it would be $90 each for the spray tans. Now, that was pretty steep, but I figured, hey, we're in New York, and this would be a fun thing to do...

Before I begin, I would just like to take a minute to express my sincere admiration for the American paparazzi. When Madonna and her clan are in London, we get a good photo of the kids maybe once a month, usually even less often. It's almost like the British photographers respect the private lives of her underage offspring. Here in the U.S., we are burdened by no such scruples. Since the Madge Clan has been in NYC, there are like 18,000 new photos of these kids on assorted photo services ever...