Oy vey!
Trouble abounds in Borat-ville!
Sacha Baron Cohen was supposed to get hitched to baby mama Isla Fisher this summer, but that’ll have to be postponed, because Isla’s been slacking on all the studying she needs to do to convert to Judaism. She’s doing it “part-time,” apparently, but her “full-time” job is filming Confessions of a Shopaholic.
It doesn’t seem like Sacha’s too concerned about this, but you know who is? HIS JEWISH MOTHER. Oh, yes.
Says a source: “Isla was supposed to spend her time after giving birth hard at work on her Torah studies, and that’s gone far slower than expected. It’s very much frustrated her future in-laws, especially Sacha’s parents, who were really hoping for a wedding this summer … Right now there’s no wedding date set because Isla hasn’t fully converted yet, and even though she’s working at it part-time, she’s far from being close to completing her studies.”
I guess Isla just wrapped filming on Confessions, and now her soon-to-be in-laws are expecting her to hunker down with the Torah hardcore.
Continues the source: “Sacha is not as worried about the relationship between his parents and Isla as everyone else is because he’s extremely devoted to her and their child. He also believes that putting too much pressure on Isla is only going to make the wedding happen later rather than sooner. He is happy taking his time to get married the same way he was happy having a long engagement. But in the meantime Isla’s had to endure a lot of awkward moments with Sacha’s mother, who just doesn’t seem to understand her future daughter-in-law’s drive to become a big star.”
Ugh. I had to go to Hebrew school (in addition to regular school!) for YEARS when I was a kid so that I could become a full-fledged Jew and then spend the majority of my adulthood attempting to explain to my mother that, yes, Judaism is nice and all, but Jewish men are skinny, short and/or nerdy and I don’t want to go out with them, Mom, even if you are going to pay for the JDate subscription, and yes, Mom, I know there are lots of nice Jewish boys in Los Angeles and maybe if I went to temple more often I’d meet some of them but, see, let me reiterate, Mom, that I don’t really want to date a Jewish guy. Sigh. I kind of represent the reason that old Jews are sad about my generation of Jews. Mainly, we want to date anyone other than our fellow Jews. All that Hebrew-learning, wasted. If I could just hand it over to you, Isla, I would.
Heh.
Anyone know any tall, hot, ripped, funny, smart and awesome Jewish guys living in Seattle? My email address is on the Contact page.
Oh Beet, I’m a professional Catholic (I don’t practice anymore… I suppose I feel guilty about that :-) ) and I don’t live in Seattle (or anywhere near there) but you know I still have that crush and I’m here for you!
Hey, I’m neither short nor nerdy and impressed with foreign language ability (I can’t even get pig latin right)… that’s like a perfect match, right? Ha ha.
So, er, um… seriously, how about it? :-) I’m a pretty good date. Ha ha!
Evil Beet, you are fantasically fuckingly amazingly awesome. Yeah, you are.
I do not understand the highly discriminatory belief that a Jew has to marry a Jew….”ensure future populations”…bull. You can date a non-Jew….just don’t marry ’em or bring ’em home to mom. How prejudice! No wonder the Middle East is pissed!
Beet, go on a date with down unda. I dunno why? I don’t even know what gender they are but I think they’re pretty cool for asking you out on the comments page and if it goes well then that’s great and if they turn out to be a bizarre axe wielding incipient maniac then you can blog about it here and tell me off.
shes just becoming super famous, of course she’s guna focus on that first!
I’m just a bit curious.The Magazine HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported her profiles were found on the famous wealthy dating club R I C H L O V I N G.C O M last week and she was seeking her new guy there now! BTW, The girls there are really hot!
Beet! I too am a single joo-girl who does not like dating the joo-boys! Your description of them is right on! Short and nerdy! Don’t forget too close to mamma! My mother always tells me to go onto j-date (and offers to pay for it) and my grandpa used to tell me to go to the temple or the JCC to find a nice jewish boy. OY! I think you and I are kindred sprits. But I am in NY, and you are in Seattle! LOVE your blog, girl!
And here I am a non-Jew girl who loves nothing more than a skinny nerdy guy. Glasses? Yum. I hate muscly men. Beefcake repulses me. (I do prefer not short though because I am kinda tall. But it’s not a dealbreaker as I’ve only ended up dating two people taller than me. Heh.)
You know what’s funny – my roommate can’t get enough of the Jewish guys. She thinks they’re kinda nerdy but really funny. In fact, in the past 4 years I can only think of one “christian” guy that she’s gone out with, and her parents are pretty seriously practicing Catholics.
I als can’t get enough of jewish boys. Coming from a not-so-religous christian family my parents were still a little weird about my love of the jews (I joined hillel in college…for fun and to meet guys) but now my mom is dating a very beefy jewish man. We’ve decided jewish men make the best boyfriends!
Too funny! I too spent what seems like the majority of my life in either Hebrew school, temple services, or Sunday school. Never in my life did I meet an attractive Jewish guy but boy, my Mom’s been going to Israel a lot and there sure are a lot of gorgeous ones over there. I married a lapsed Catholic and that works for me now that I’m a lapsed Jew :)
Beet! Go to Israel! Oy, the men there are just fab.
Mmm… i LOVE jewish boys, the skinnier and nerdier the better. and SBC is HOT, although not skinny and of questionable nerdiness!
Sweetie, there are lots of hot Jewish boys and I compiled a list: Anyone of these would make your mother happy and from their IMDB page, they are single:
Shia LeBeouf, Daniel Radcliffe, Jason Segal, Zach Braff, Adam Brody, James Franco, Joaquin Phoenix and Michael Rosenbaum.
Maybe you could be the next Bachelorette and these could be your suitors. :-)
i think sasha is VERY hot, jew or not. i’m in new york, so i have dated a number of jewish men, and trust me, there are some hot ones out there. yes, they are usually not stereotypical – aren’t overly concerned with religion, aren’t in love with their moms, and some have only been half jewish. either way, they are out there. i do think it’s so old fashioned to ask isla to convert, and unnecessary. it’s like they’re making their beloved religion just a formality.
Joaquin Phoenix is jewish?? i thought his parents were part of a christian commune when he and river and the rest of the clan were kids?
I agree with Thick Mascara!!
I am a black woman who was really attracted to Jewish guys for a while, went to synagogue, learned Hebrew and the daily prayers and prayers over meals etc. Learned and appreciated the Shema, the Amidah and everything. Guess what? I went to synagogue for 2 years and no one would speak to me or acknowledge my presence. Very few people would help me follow along during the Torah reading. I worshipped alone.
And the guys? Oh yeah. They had no problem fucking me, but God forbid they actually take me seriously, or treat me with the same respect they would show to a white or Jewish woman. So now I have stopped going to synagogue (miss it), am bitter, have sworn off dating Jewish guys and as far as I’m concerned they go eff themselves. Their mothers too.
Isla needs to tell Sacha’s mom to go fuck herself.
I agree, go to Israel and meet one there.
Eh. I still think Jews are hot. Especially the ones that wear glasses. But to each her own…
Thanks RiRi!
I don’t dislike Jewish people. I certainly dated my fair share of short, nerdy, funny Jews. But, since I wasn’t Jewish, I was not treated with the same respect as a Jewish person would have been in some “circles”. I was treated as an outsider or a lowly person. Not in a direct, in-your-face manner….subtle, but to the point. I’ve also been to Israel many times (used to live in the Middle East) and thought the Israeli soldiers rivaled the hotness of Russian soldiers…but they can ditch the holier-than-though attitude. Just my opinion….not hating on a religion…just my observation.
my heart seriously just palpitated at the thought of russian soldiers. and i got all warm inside.
I know a few Seattle Jews with a few of those characteristics, but certainly not all. Mostly minus the hot and ripped.
probably the issue is that only the jewish mother kid is a true jewish person
I am not sure
My Jewish husband is certainly skinny and smart (I guess some might call him a tiny bit nerdy), but he’s 6’3″ and, ok, he’s only half Jewish.
My Jewish brother (lives in Berkeley, and sorry, but he’s in a relationship) is 6’2″ and blond.
Of course, there are lots of short, nerdy Jewish guys out there, but there are a lot who aren’t. The few Israeli guys I have know have all been a bit, ahem, “handsy”.
Do yourself a favor and find yourself a Jewish Atheist.
OOhhh….let’s talk about sexy Russian soldiers. Yummy! It’s hard to beat a hot Israeli soldier, but there is something naughty about a Russian soldier!
I’m a black woman that loves Jewish men (except for my first husband). Anyhoo, he should have had her convert BEFORE marriage.
For me I like to think there is a difference between Jewish people living outside of Israel and those that actually live in that war mongering police state.
Beet,
First off, thanks for your blog.
From some of your past comments, I think you have a feel for your Jewishness but don’t know much about it. For one thing, it’s permanent, and no matter who you marry, your kids will be Jews like you and your Mom. It’s a very deep thing, and if Hebrew school was the last time you thought/learned about it, you’re doing yourself a disservice. You’re bright – why not apply your intellect to your family’s traditions? Please let me know if I can help.
Sacha seems too smart to be Orthodox. How can one skewer the idiocies of Christianity while believing in that collection of fables known as the Torah? I suppose that the guilt of Jewish mothers is omnipotent.
wow..what a site ..so yea,I was born jewish attracted akll my life to blond catholic kennedy like boys,however 2 years ago i dated a jew 6ft 4 abosoloutly stunning curly dark hair,great in bed cooked,..turned out after a year he was a narsscisst pathological,diagnossed he is out there..the damadge he caused is beyond ehat I can explain..I went from a functioning,slim hot,girl on the rise,to a recluse,sick and probably never going to live again..looking at photos of me then I think who is that girl?i wish 2 be her again but I have give up on all of it NEVER AGAIN,his form of torture …welll I have already said enough…K
Just wondering why stars like Isla and Katie Holmes have to convert from what they’ve believed in all their life to the religion of the guy they want to be with. Why is it always the woman who has to change? Whatever happened to believing in who you are and in your own faith? I would never change who I am for some guy.
yo check out the israeli special forces web sight you gals no nothing
yo you gals should check out the israeli special forces web say no more
BS”D
Maybe, she should (start) convert?? Conversion is a pretty big thing (!), she should prioritize on that if it would be thát important for here..
DAMN Okay Sacha I see you with those bulging biceps. RESPECT!