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The Dangers of Dating

July 2, 2008
Evil Beet
Uncategorized
71 Comments


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So, you guys, I would currently be researching and writing interesting celebrity gossip stories for you, but my fucking foot hurts so bad I can’t concentrate on anything. However, as I was sitting at my computer trying to do research, Tiffany was sitting at her computer listening to this. I was like, “What the hell is that? Send it to me ASAP.”

So this is what you guys are getting in lieu of actual well-researched celebrity gossip.

It kills time just as well, I promise.

Here’s the backstory:

The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said “give me a call.” The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won’t even tell you my favorite parts because i don’t want to ruin anything. Just listen.

Enjoy!

71 CommentsLeave a comment

  • OMG !!! This guy is too funny. Funny in the head. Seems to me he could use some drugs to deal with his supper inflated ego!!!So glad I’m married and not out there dating. This guy is a piece of work. Yea he’s a catch all right. Catch some STD’s is more like it!!!

  • They played this on the raido this on KDWB this morning in the Twin Cities. I just died. Poor guy. He doesn’t even realize he’s a loser. Those are the worst kind.

  • I’m pretty sure that is fake, but it doesn’t matter because I just kept laughing harder and harder the more he spoke.

  • What a nut case!
    Sadly, there are some guys out there like him.
    I like how he’s “very particular, and found Olga to be very elegant…”

    RUN OLGA, RUN!

  • woooooww

    i just died laughing.
    suddenly not being chased by anyone is a really good feeling…

  • my jaw is on the floor because that dude is Krazy. he’s delusional, e.g. “I’m the only guy in this city who has nothing wrong with him.” strike one — there’s something especially wrong with someone who says that. he’s awkward, insecure, and very douchy, e.g. “I’m actually quite a catch.” strike two — you’re not a catch; you’re very douchy. and he’s a control freak with a bit of Ike Turner-like fright, e.g. “Here’s how this is going to work.” strike three — don’t give orders on your desperate second call. and he ends it like this: “[only]if you’re psychologically normal, call me.” WTF?!

    nice post. that’s hysterical and nutty.

  • crazy creep….

    but uh,

    I lived in the marina and just about everywhere else in the bay area – not sure who your source is but it’s quite nice, great restaurants and fun bars, even good place to stroll with kids as well…there’s douches everywhere you go not just the marina- i should know i was single in sf for 6 years and met quite a few everywhere in the city.

  • haha! i almost want to meet him so he can tell me that i am not very “elegant” and there could be something psychologically wrong with me!

  • 1st alarm could have been- nothing wrong me HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    Ahhhh, too bad he’ll have a very short life!

  • Thank you for putting this on your site! I heard about this ‘crazy voicemail guy’ from people at work today………now I cannot stop laughing!

    EB – You’re the best! (and so elegant!)

  • This guy is a stalker and if poor Olga calls him she will have a not so pretty future of Orders of protection not to mention “counseling” sessions to help with his imagined “diagnoses” of her mental state!!! What a douche!!!!! sadly there are guys like that everywhere in the states!!!!!!!!

  • omg, please please publish this f***sticks phone number and let us all call him, oh so desirable!!!! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. This guy is everything in a man I wish would choke on a pig d***!!!

  • Abbi almost made me fall out of my seat laughing!!! “he’s hott!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

  • They have been playing this on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning and they have now made a little song that goes with it…they started playing it yesterday and today they found his website. dmitrithelover.com Apparently he considers himself some sort of LOVE GURU and you can buy a membership to his little club and for the bargain basement price of two grand you can attend his seminar…the best part is, he actually is fucking nutso, look him up…his history only makes the message better!

  • ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!! omg I can’t!!!!!!!

    this freaking hilarious!!!! I agree caz Minx that part was the kicker!!!

  • Wow, sadly I doubt this is a fake.
    Poor girl.
    There are crazys out there like this.
    Stalkerish, controlling freaks.
    The title is so true, I ran into a few men like this too while I dated, almost got a restraining order on One.
    I hope she doesn’t have a business address on that card she gave him :/
    He is likely watching her..

  • I went on the website
    oh wow.
    I listened to his radio interview too.
    I’m a girl from 905 too, but those lines won’t even come close to working on me. haha
    I had a guy call me lovely, beautiful, wonderful, smart etc…all night on our first date. Then later put my hand on his “pants” and said “oh and by the way I’ve got many talents”… that was the last call he got.
    You can be direct when I’ve been in a relationship with you for a month or so, then I’ll laugh and not be offended.. but for a guy to walk up to a girl, say these things, no matter how smooth of a talker he is and get sex? The girls he gets are likely walking STD’s anyway lol

  • haaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahaha I hope this guy knows his shits on the internet fucking psycho creep!! scarry!!

  • ummm wow that message reminds me of this creep i knew from high school and he totaly lefe weird messages like that and he always called and called lol and ewww

  • Dibs.

    I’ve listened to his phone convo for 5 minutes, I think that’s long enough, comparitively to Olga’s 2. Epic win.

  • psychologically normal *lol*
    this kind of reminds me of steve carell in the office :D

  • holy crap, after doing a bit of research on this guy, i don’t think a creepier or more delusional person exists. he actually considers himself a “guru”!? the radio interview on his site makes me sick, apparently he approaches only the most vapid girls, but even then, ewww how could any girl fall for this douchebag?? i am ashamed that he is canadian, what a fucking loser!!
    also it looks like he did those crappy website illustrations himself.. the only job this guy is qualified for is shovelling shit!

    one more thing! this is from a description of his “real men seminar”:

    PLEASE NOTE: To attend a TORONTO REAL MEN meeting, you must sign a declaration that you are either a heterosexual or bisexual male, and renounce METROSEXUALITY as a FEMINIST MEDIA CONSPIRACY. Any man dressing or acting like a homosexual/metrosexual, even if he swears to be a heterosexual, will be denied entry! LESBIANS may attend, and will be treated as “HONOURARY HETEROSEXUAL MALES”.

    its funny, but even as a straight and not particularly feminist woman i find this to be the most offensive thing i’ve read in regards to this “Real Man” *cough hack*

  • One can clearly hear the desperation in his voice as he describes what a catch he is, and one can hear what an egotistical, controlling JERK he is and one should run the other way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • passive agressive personality disorder, huh?
    You think I could find that in the DSM IV?

  • psycho talk
    no card giving except in professional contacts
    if this is true
    changing phone number is the sole option

  • I just about pissed myself laughing when I heard this. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that the poor girl never called this tool back.

    Unbelieveable.

  • This is sooo funny. This guy hit on me in Toronto last summer (note the 416 area code in the message)…he was so slimy! He gave me his website and told me to check it out and give him a call if it didn’t work out with my fiance: http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

    Listen to the audio file to confirm the voice. Hahahahaha

  • what a fucking freak.

    sadly, there are waayyyyy too many guys like him out there.
    you can just tell from his attitude that he is over the edge already.
    who would WANT to date him?!?!?!?!

    -ICCCKKKKKKKK-

  • I can only hope that he and people that know him have now heard this rant. What better punishement for an asshole HUMILIATION!

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! oh my god… i’m like drying my eyes right now from laughing. that is soo hilarious!

  • Oh my god what an idiot!,, i definetly would not call him after that, he has a huge ego!! and thinks hes the shit!,, i wish i could call him to give him a piece of my mind..lol

  • I thought the 416 are code sounded odd for San Francisco.

    I’m wiping the spit off my screen because I burst out laughing at some of the things. Seriously, I burst out laughing at the cancer part and there is spittle all over my screen.

    Then I stopped laughing and headed straight to the comments and burst out laughing at Bozo the Clown’s assessment of his “Ike Turner-like fright.”

    I love that he keeps calling her elegant. I’d rather be called “hot” or “beautiful” or something physical because descriptions like “elegant” and “poised” are usually used by serial murderers or rapists. Some type of guy that will keep pieces of you in a jar-like container somewhere in his ghastly house he shares with his long dead mother.

  • HAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this shit was off the chain.

    “There’s nothing wrong with me.” (Except I make creepy phone calls.)
    “I’m great in bed.” (When I’m telling YOU how YOU like it and WHY you might like it like that.)
    “Passive Aggressive. You should actually look that up.” (Since I haven’t, bc if I have I’d realize that I’m being passive aggressive myself.)

    This man was a serial killer. He just had to be.

  • yeah obviously this is the type of guy that gets NO WOMEN! in fact im sure he prefers a good prostate massage from one of his buddies from time to time

  • Oh dear Lord in heaven. What a stud! Must have. Must. Mmmm hot Greek psycho with mysogynistic tendancies… delightful! I bet he’s a total stallion in the sack, and very elegant. I can’t help but wonder though, if my psychological abnormalities might get in the way….

    FYI he’s a doctor who got struck of for molesting female patience. Yeah. Loooooooooser

  • He is a bionic douche… made from parts of lesser douches to create the UBER DOUCHE

  • he may be all you wish to believe
    as far as I hear it
    being true
    he sounds like a delusional person
    the kind that snaps
    psychotic bouts are no laughing matter

  • That was so unbelievable that I couldn’t even laugh. How many times can he tell her that he’s a god and he doesn’t need her? He tells her that she’s elegant twice and then says that she has problems. HE has the problems. If he was so good with women, I’m sure he wouldn’t be sitting around all day waiting for Olga to call.

    (does anyone else get the impression that he speaks to her as if she’s a child?)

  • An ego with a deadline. Interesting tactic he has going on there. I second Neech’s comment above…what does this “catch” look like that he has several women approach him a day. Brat.

  • yeah hes a d-bag.
    the part where hes like “im great in bed” just killed me!!!!
    “i dont date intimadated women!”
    who does he really think he is…the love guru.

  • Wow, this was great. Loved it. I’d call the guy back on a secured untraceable line, cause he seems sorta interesting… LOL, right?

  • He needs to reconsider his policy about dating women with mental issues because only a woman who was bats%#t crazy would ever give him any!

  • Ummm, take it from ME, this guy is SUPER real, I met a “Dimitri” but his name was Joe, lol…and he was a raving lunatic just like this one, ever seen that movie Swingers, when the single, just dumped one meets a girl at the club and calls her all night, then dumps her….all in his made up relationship in his head, hahahahaha, these guys are REAL, and they are CREEPY, and if you are ever in the San Gabriel Valley of California and run into JOE……RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

  • There’s no way this can be real.

    What a freak! He must know about mental health issues pretty well…he must have the lot!

  • Ummm…is it just me or is this Dr Evil?………….i swear to god he sounds just like him…i feel violated and dirty after listening to that..and not in the good way.

  • OMG i’m like peeing myself! Not literally, LOL! But seriously….this is just too great (of course, only because it didn’t happen to meee!). I feel so bad for Olga…-bursts out laughing-

    I cannot believe he gave her a DEADLINE. This is just hysterical! “If you are psychologically normal..call me.” XDDDD!! WHO SAYS THAT?

    OMG I’m like crying from laughing so hard. This is just ridiculous! I went to his site after reading all these comments and I started listening to that radio interview cause i was curious…..and he is so creepy….-snigger-

    AHAHAHA Thanks, EB, that was great. I think I have a side-ache from laughing….LOL!!!!!

  • Where did you get this!!!

    this guy rocks!! he’s so…so…so….wow

    I’m just babling over here, can’t believe the guy…this is just great, creepily great, I’m glad I’m not Olga hahahha

    He just missed one thing, to say HE is absolutelly controled and normal, but well, he did say he’s a catch