Aw, I'm sorry, but Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan have totally won me over. I just don't think there's anything fake or bullshitty about this. They love each other, and they make each other so happy, and that makes me happy.
The gruesome twosome are still inseparable. Here they are having lunch in LA while Lindsay's on a break from filming her new movie. ...
I'm at the Oxford Suites in Redding, CA. This is by far the nicest hotel room I've stayed in on this journey, but I really needed it tonight, and it's money well-spent. Seriously when I get back to Seattle I am canceling all obligations and scheduling an emergency spa day. All this road-tripping has been so rough on my skin and my hair. After spending an entire day driving from San Diego to Redding, I can tell you with total confidence that nothing is larger than the state of California except for my pores. Awful, awful.
Leo is running from one end of the suite to the other and back again at full speed. He has been doing this for 45 minutes now. I think he's been cooped up in the car too long.
This morning, we met Sister Beet, Cousin Beet and two Uncle Beets (Uncles Beet?) for brunch at Cousin Beet's bar in San Diego (Players on Clairemont Mesa ... swing by, ask for Michael, and tell him I said to give you a beer on the house). Sister Beet got to meet Leo for the first time, even though Cousin Beet wouldn't let Leo into the bar ("Health Department blah blah blah..." -- this is why he owes you guys a beer).
After eating, Papa Beet and I headed up to L.A., my former hometown. We stopped in Manhattan Beach to say hi to some of my friends. It was a gorgeous day, the ocean was sparkling, we drank Starbucks on the beach, and all the girls were running around in bikini tops and denim skirts. It brought back a lot of happy memories, and, for about an hour, I really, really missed Los Angeles.
Then we got back on the road.
After paying $4.60/gallon to fill up the tank, we promptly sat in traffic on the 405 for an hour and a half.
Then I didn't miss Los Angeles anymore.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Just a lot of driving. Papa Beet dropped his cell phone without noticing at a truck stop. The guy who found it went to the trouble of going through Papa's outgoing calls and reaching my sister, who called my cell phone, and then my sister got to describe me to this guy while he walked around a huge truck stop looking for me so I could get the phone and give it back to Papa Beet. You know, not all people suck. This was really nice of that guy, and it definitely saved our day from certain disaster.
While we drive, Leo sits up front between Papa Beet and me, and the three cats hang out in a (huge) soft, mesh crate in the back. About an hour south of Redding, I catch a flash of white in the back seat. It's Josie. She's executed a stunning escape. She has forced her way out of the top of the crate, somehow managing to loosen the zipper. She wants to come sit with Papa Beet and me.
Now Josie's problem is that Leo occupies the space between me and Papa Beet, where she wants to be. Leo and Josie fight about this for the next half an hour, scratching and pawing at one another. I spent that entire time trying to get a photo that captured the cuteness of this cat/dog battle. I must have taken 20 photos. Since it was nighttime, each photo resulted in a bright flash. Sadly, I never got my perfect shot.
Five minutes after I gave up, a lightning storm began.
Papa Beet announced that now even God was trying to get a photo of Josie and Leo. They were that cute.
Anyway, I'm gonna get some sleep now. With any luck, we'll be back in Seattle by Saturday night, and I'll update again from home sweet home! Yay! />I'm at the Oxford Suites in Redding, CA. This is by far the nicest hotel room I've stayed in on this journey, but I really needed it tonight, and it's money well-spent. Seriously when I get back to Seattle I am canceling all obligations and scheduling an emergency spa day. All this road-tripping has been so rough on my skin and my hair. After spending an entire day driving from San Diego to Redding, I can tell you with total confidence that nothing is larger than the state of California except for...
I received a telegram from the Beet this morning, something to the effect of "Blah, blah, my jetsetter lifestyle has tuckered me out, would you like to be beaten to a pulp by my loyal readers?"
My answer is always yes. A joyous and hateful yes. Why? Because I like the Beet. She's my girl. And her dog, Leo, is my boy. I'm not sure about those cats yet though.
Anyway, today we'll be getting into fun videos, a bit of gossip, and my personal opinions on who I'd fatten up if they allowed me to date/defile them. Our first contestant? Keira Knightley!
"I always bare my breasts," she said at the press conference to promote The Edge of Love Wednesday at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. "It's not like it's only in this film!"
Ah, I see. For those not in the "know" this is a brazen attempt to promote a movie that around eight people will see. Mostly because it's the 12th period piece in a row out of Miss Knightley but also partially because it looks like that film Atonement all over again. Now then, on a more tragic note, my own personal breasts are way fuller and bouncier these days. I'm around a C cup.
Referring to a scene in the wartime romance The Edge of Love with her onscreen husband Cillian Murphy, Knightley said: "It was very simple. It was a sex scene and I never like them when they've got bras on." So when the director asked her to remove her bra, "I said, 'All right then.'"
Indeed. We've all been there. Also, have you seen Cillian Murphy? He's extremely creepy looking.
I received a telegram from the Beet this morning, something to the effect of "Blah, blah, my jetsetter lifestyle has tuckered me out, would you like to be beaten to a pulp by my loyal readers?"
My answer is always yes. A joyous and hateful yes. Why? Because I like the Beet. She's my girl. And her dog, Leo, is my boy. I'm not sure about those cats yet though.
Anyway, today we'll be getting into fun videos, a bit of gossip, and my personal opinions on who I'd fatten up if they allowed me to date/defile...
It's 3:30 in the morning and I just checked into my hotel in San Diego.
Why, some of you may ask, am I in San Diego on my way from Phoenix to Seattle?
Well, Papa Beet decided that if we were going to go through the state of California, we should stop in San Diego to see my sister. I explained to Papa Beet that California is a large state, and San Diego is about four hours out of our way, and my sister is not really that interesting. Papa Beet did not see the merit in my argument.
Still, though, why are we just getting to San Diego at 3:30 in the morning?
Well. We'd planned to get on the road around 6 pm -- after Papa Beet got off work -- which would land us in San Diego around 11 pm. I went to get my oil changed before I left, and the good folks at Jiffy Lube informed me that there was a nail in my tire. So I went to Discount Tire and got my tire fixed. And by the time I'd gotten home and we'd packed up the car and loaded up all the animals, it was 7:30 pm. Then we'd driven about 45 minutes when Papa Beet realized he'd forgotten his passport, and Papa Beet wants to visit Canada while he's in Seattle. So we go back. By the time we get back to the place where we'd first turned around, there's a huge accident on I-10 and we're stuck in traffic for 45 minutes. All these factors combined to result in me reaching San Diego (which is four hours out of our way) at 3:30 in the morning.
Oh and when we passed border patrol in California, Papa Beet decided to be really funny and tell me in a very serious voice that they might not let Leo past because he's a chihuahua and therefore Mexican. And I was exhausted and believed him and got all upset. Not funny, Papa Beet.
Also: Papa Beet has made breakfast plans with Sister Beet tomorrow morning, so Evil Beet can't even sleep in.
And did I mention that there are three cats and a dog in my hotel room? And the dog is eating the cat food and the cats are eating the dog food and it's making my head explode. I swear I could feed my animals dirt and they'd be happy, as long as they're eating something other than the food they're supposed to be eating.
And also Max is crying and he's going to cry all night, because Max always cries all night the first night he's in a new place.
That said, everyone in Hollywood who was alive yesterday appears to still be alive today. Including Lindsay Lohan, against all odds. And I love you guys very much but I don't have the strength right now to update further.
Goodnight. />It's 3:30 in the morning and I just checked into my hotel in San Diego.
Why, some of you may ask, am I in San Diego on my way from Phoenix to Seattle?
Well, Papa Beet decided that if we were going to go through the state of California, we should stop in San Diego to see my sister. I explained to Papa Beet that California is a large state, and San Diego is about four hours out of our way, and my sister is not really that interesting. Papa Beet did not see the merit in my argument.
Still,...
I'm hitting the road again this afternoon -- driving back to Seattle with three cats and a puppy. PLUS, a Papa Beet! That's right, Daddy Dearest will be accompanying me back on my trip. Papa Beet will ward off the evil bed bugs, I'm sure of it! Like last time, I'll be updating in the evenings from my hotel.
Oh, and for those of you who care, Jamie-Lynn Spears named her baby girl Maddie Briann.
Cute! />...
Little Maddie Briann still practically has a toe in Jamie-Lynn's vagina, and Britney's back in LA already!
Britney got back on Friday and caused some paparazzi insanity at LAX.
She clearly had to hurry back to her busy life of filming cameos that won't be included in music videos.
Seriously I'm open to all your ideas on why the hell Brit only stayed for like 24 hours after JLS had her kiddo. I can't think of any huge work obligations she has coming up. I mean, Britney's flaked out on wo...
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I love a few things about this story. First off, I love that WireImage has the EXCLUSIVE look at Taylor Hicks in Grease. That's like being the least alcoholic Real-Worlder. You're not accomplishing much there.
Secondly, I love making fun of Taylor Hicks because he is unbelievably boring in real life. I met him right after he won Idol. Then I fell asleep. He speaks in one word clips and he doesn't seem so "clever". There's just nothing engaging about him. I'm guessing this is why he hasn't tr...
Oh wait. That's just a normal cab. Do you realize it's been almost 20 years since Saved by the Bell started? That blows my mind.
Also, and on a completely unrelated note, I'd like to tell you about the movie WANTED starring Angelina Jolie. Ready?
It's really good.
Whew. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I saw it a few nights back with my super secret hook-up connection that I also use for meth. So let's get the buzz started people. I'm not a corporate shill. You can trust me. Le...
No, not really. She's filming a little movie called "When in Rome" with Josh Duhamel. Has the universe made a decision yet as to whether she's allowed to be a movie star? I'm firmly undecided, she seems a lot like a bunch of other actresses. My money is still on Heigl because she's mean like a snake. ...
Paula Abdul just turned 46. Here she is leaving STK in Los Angeles last night (Note: don't worry, she's not driving).
To celebrate how about a lovely music video involving Ms. Abdul and a rapping cartoon cat? Ah yes, this takes me back.
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