This week's episode of Living Lohan focused on the fact that Ali was the target of "mean girls" at her school. And in her neighborhood. They're all juss jealous, of course. The cure? Dina Lohan dragging Ali's ass to some inner-city performing arts program where a bunch of black kids sing their hearts out about their awful home lives and Dina's eyes tear up. This was, according to Dina, so that Ali could hang out with other kids who are "going through the same thing" as Ali. Which doesn't make any sense at all. What these kids are going through has absolutely nothing to do with what Ali is going through. I don't know why she couldn't have just been like "I want Ali to see this so that she understands how good she has it, and how some people sing and dance as a form of passionate, healthy, imperative expression and not to guarantee themselves a VIP table at Goa stocked with Grey Goose and cocaine." That would have been totally acceptable. But to imply that the problems these kids face have anything to do with the fact that Ali is being occasionally and non-violently teased by girls at her suburban high school is just insane. It's like, if my daughter's contact lens fell out one day at school and she couldn't find it and got all upset, I wouldn't make her spend a day at a school for blind kids in the hopes that she could find someone there to relate to in her struggle. Just saying. Dude, did I have a point? Not really. But what I think is funny? All those girls yelling at Ali to go visit her sister in rehab? Will probably be in rehab themselves one day. That level of teenage insecurity just screams future drug abuse. /> This week's episode of Living Lohan focused on the fact that Ali was the target of "mean girls" at her school. And in her neighborhood. They're all juss jealous, of course. The cure? Dina Lohan dragging Ali's ass to some inner-city performing arts program where a bunch of black kids sing their hearts out about their awful home lives and Dina's eyes tear up. This was, according to Dina, so that Ali could hang out with other kids who are "going through the same thing" as Ali. Which does...

That's right: YOUR DAUGHTER! Samantha Sheen is never, ever, ever happy at this shit. NEVER. This weekend was no different, as Denise dragged poor Sam unwillingly into the spotlight at the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation fundraiser. She is smiling in none of the pictures from this event, just like she never, ever smiles at these events. Because she is miserable. Because you would be too if Denise Richards was your mother. Who keeps dragging you into the spotlight when you just want to sit at home and be normal. CUT THIS OUT, DENISE!!! [Image via Splash...

Lindsay Lohan hit up the Roosevelt Hotel on Sunday to meet up with Samantha Ronson, cigarette in hand. What's with the shoes? Are we showing our support for the Native American hookers of this country, Lindsay? ...

What's the best way to help the world forget about the fact that you were captured on tape singing about "gooks" and "nips"? Make a very public appearance holding your daddy's hand! Amy Winehouse had dinner in London last night with her father Mitch. WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER TO DINNER, DUDE??? TAKE HER TO REHAB!!!! THEY HAVE FOOD THERE, TOO!...

We told you guys that Jessica was spotted being wheeled into Cedars-Sinai this weekend, and now reports are confirming that the actress has welcomed a baby girl. Congrats, Jessica and Cash! ...

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OMG. Gasp! Someone stole the camera of Amy's incarcerated hubby, Blake Civil-Fielder, and sold their contents to News of the World. And there are drug paraphernalia! The footage includes a tape of Amy and a friend singing a "racist" song. Frankly, the song isn't really all that racist -- I mean, it's Amy singing a bunch of mild racial slurs -- but it's nothing compared to some of the shit we've caught on tape from, say, Paris Hilton or Dog the Bounty Hunter or Michael Richards. It's...

"A lot of people like to fool you and say that you're not smart if you never went to college, but common sense rules over everything. That's what I learned from selling crack." Snoop Dogg, to Esquire magazine. ...

Dakota Fanning showed up completely sober to lend her support to an event for children's rights in LA on Saturday. I don't know about the blue nail polish, though. What kind of example is she setting? First they're wearing non-traditional shades of polish, and the next thing you know they're smoking heroin in a hotel basement and blabbing for ten minutes about the state of sadomasochistic videos in this country. In all seriousness, though, what I sorta love about Dakota is that she's no...

Oh, Nikki. You bring back so many memories. It was the first season of American Idol, the little talent show that could. It was early summer -- the first summer after the World Trade Center attacks. We were a nation still feeling our way out of a fog of fear and devastation. We needed to spend a summer watching teenagers belt out tunes from decades past on a national stage. We rooted for you, with your tattoos and your piercings and your dyed hair and your unfaltering sweetness and we'd t...

It was on HBO, for free, and I just couldn't resist the lure of watching Lindsay Lohan play ... well ... Lindsay Lohan. The first half hour is basically unwatchable, and after that it gets a little bit better, but in general it's by no means a tour de force, as many critics before me have pointed out. However, I highly recommend watching the scene above, where Lindsay's character gives a blow job to a Mormon virgin. It's definitely the best part of the whole movie. Also, the guy who plays her love interest -- and the blow job recipient -- Garrett Hedlund, is really quite a hottie. Not to brag, but he totally reminds me of this guy I used to date back in LA who was a total hottie and a total sweetheart. Watching Garrett made me really miss that guy, and I want to see more of him. In good movies. With fewer shirts on. /> It was on HBO, for free, and I just couldn't resist the lure of watching Lindsay Lohan play ... well ... Lindsay Lohan. The first half hour is basically unwatchable, and after that it gets a little bit better, but in general it's by no means a tour de force, as many critics before me have pointed out. However, I highly recommend watching the scene above, where Lindsay's character gives a blow job to a Mormon virgin. It's definitely the best part of the whole movie. Also, the guy who...

Paris Hilton showed up at Tao in Las Vegas with the cast of her new "reality" TV show, where she's looking for her new BFF. These girls look so unbelievably annoying. I cannot wait for this show to air. Catfights galore! Over Paris Hilton! OMG it's going to be amazing. Benji was apparently also there, and Paris engaged in a fair amount of alcohol consumption, quashing rumors that she's pregnant, which we never even reported, because we knew they were bullshit. ...