I Am Currently Engaged in My Favorite Activity

I am eating junk food while watching other people exercise.

Yes, it’s true.

The good folks at Lionsgate were kind enough to send me a complimentary copy of the Work Out workout DVD, One-on-One Training with Jackie. And so I’m sitting here with chocolate pudding and whip cream, watching Rebecca do push-ups. This is so empowering.

I’ve never before watched an exercise DVD. However, I have now been working in the gym with my trainer for a month and a half, and I started a twice-a-week boot camp on Monday, and I have these adorable little muscles beginning to sprout in my upper arms — which is pretty much as exciting for me as when my breasts began to sprout, and I touch them to check on their progress about as frequently, too — and so I am now officially an expert in all things related to exercise. Oh, and did I mention I own protein powder now? It’s no big deal. It’s just that I own protein powder now. Just in case you wanted to know. It’s on my kitchen counter. For optimal accessibility. The protein powder, that is. That I own. I’m just saying.

Anyway, whatever, I guess it’s a good exercise DVD, but the public-domain music they’re using sucks big time. One cool thing is that the DVD consists of three separate 20-minute workouts (arms, lower body and “core” — which I know now, as the expert that I am, is fitness-speak for “abs”) and you can choose at the beginning which of the workouts you want included in your session. So you can do a 20-, 40-, or 60-minute workout, and customize it to the body areas you want to focus on that day. Technology! What can’t it do? (Answer: Give you a body like Rebecca’s.)

My one major complaint about the DVD: no Greg Plitt.

My trainer and I were talking about this last week, like, “Why wasn’t Greg Plitt in her exercise DVD??” And I was like “He’s probably in some sort of exclusive contract with someone else,” thinking I was all smart and media-savvy. No. Not at all. As tonight’s episode of Work Out revealed, Greg didn’t make the cut because he had no rhythm. Whatever. The DVD consists of very few exercises requiring rhythm. They should have put him in it. People would buy the stupid DVD just to watch him. And by “people” I of course mean “I.” I still think there’s a chance he was in a pre-existing contract, and they made up the “Greg has no rhythm” bullshit just so that it didn’t seem like they couldn’t afford to buy him out of his contract. She used Jesse as her guy instead, and Jesse, while sweet, is not very hot.

And what’s up with them using like a two-year-old photo of Jackie on the cover? She doesn’t look anything like that anymore.

All things considered, I just can’t imagine how this DVD is any different from any other exercise DVD. Greg Plitt would have been a differentiating factor. It was dumb of them not to include him.

I think they’d hoped to price this video in the $20 range at least, but it’s currently available on Jackie’s website for $12.99.