Whoever is managing this woman needs to be fired again and again and again. I finally had the opportunity to watch an episode of Hey, Paula, and it is, to summarize, thirty minutes of Paula Abdul wasted. And I do mean for the entire thirty minutes. Seriously, guys, even the Real World kids tend to be sober for some measurable portion of the daytime. Not so with Ms. Abdul. The last time I saw a reality show about someone who was this ridiculously wasted all fucking day, it was called The Anna Nicole Show. And we all know how well that turned out. Ratings for the show have been dismal, and rightly so. It's mundane. It's pathetic. It's embarrassing. It's not like watching a train wreck. It's like watching the five-year-old you're babysitting crash his Tonka trucks into each other. Over and over again. But the blame for this extends beyond Paula. Someone pitched this show. Someone agreed to produce it. Bravo agreed to air it. And Paula Abdul herself must have been in at least one or two meetings with these people before any of this happened. So these people knew what they were getting into. It's not like this woman is witty. It's not like she's insightful. It's not like her day-to-day life is particularly interesting. Her staff obviously hates her, and everyone who has to interact with her does so in approximately the same tone of voice you'd employ with your young Tonka aficionado. So I have to figure that all these people were just betting on her being so fucking retarded all the time that it would make good TV. Paula, my dear, you may want to look for new management, preferably one who can focus on helping you conquer your drug problem rather than exploiting it. I've included a clip of my favorite scene of this episode, in which Paula is touring the lab of a fragrance company producing the perfume to which she's going to lend her name. She stumbles down the stairs to the lab, then drops a sampler on the floor, bends down to pick it up, and doesn't see any pressing reason to stand back up again. She then says the word "sexpot" in much the same way I might, had I taken six Vicodin and polished off two tumblers of Scotch before 1 pm. /> Whoever is managing this woman needs to be fired again and again and again. I finally had the opportunity to watch an episode of Hey, Paula, and it is, to summarize, thirty minutes of Paula Abdul wasted. And I do mean for the entire thirty minutes. Seriously, guys, even the Real World kids tend to be sober for some measurable portion of the daytime. Not so with Ms. Abdul. The last time I saw a reality show about someone who was this ridiculously wasted all fucking day, it was called The ...