Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kim Porter Says She Dumped Diddy

Kim Porter Says She Broke Up with Diddy

“After 10 years, I have decided to end my on-again/off-again relationship with Sean `Diddy’ Combs,” reads a statement released by Diddy’s baby mama. “In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of myself, Sean and our family. I look forward to moving on with my life and my career, and wish him prosperity, health and happiness in life and in love. We will remain friends and committed parents to our children.”

I find the first part of this statement so, so funny. Who refers to her ex-boyfriend and the father of her children as “Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs”? What she means is: “After 10 years, I have decided to end my tumultuous, dramalicious relationship with Sean ‘Fucks Anything that Walks’ Combs.”

I think we should all have to make formal statements like this to the press whenever we end any sort of a romantic relationship. Like, “After three weeks, I have decided to end my purely physical relationship with John ‘Allergic to Condoms’ Doe. In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of my ten-year goal of not getting herpes.” Or “After two years, I have decided to end my financially motivated relationship with Bob ‘Satan Drives a Beemer’ Jones, and I wish him the best of luck with the impending IRS audit.” Wouldn’t that be fun?

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