Honestly, People, How Many Britney-Has-a-New-Man Stories Do I Have to Write Each Month?

I wrote one less than a week ago. About Britney’s one and only true love, her drug counselor, John Sundahl, who credits Britney’s love with keeping him alive through his recent bowel surgery. And if that kind of love can’t last, I don’t know what hope this new guy has.

For anyone who’s keeping tabs, it’s her bodyguard. His name’s Damon, and apparently he’s been playing daddy to her boys and taking her to plays and going with her to church and blah blah blah gag me. If you must know:

On Sunday, he attended church services with the singer and her two sons. Damon carried Sean, 22 months, into the church (while Mom held a sleeping Jayden, 10 months) and then comforted the toddler when he started crying.

The prayer session capped off a week of wining and dining for the pair, including a July 4 candlelit dinner at the Four Seasons’ Windows Lounge in L.A., after which, he slept over at her Beverly Hills pad.

On July 5, the pair hit a showing of the musical Wicked (they left after 45 minutes) and, later that evening, drinks at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Spears, 25, giggled and kissed her guy as he affectionately touched her face.

What’s funny to me is that the picture Us Weekly’s running with this story is of Britney and the guy everyone was referring to as John Sundahl last week. I mean, he’s wearing the same damn outfit “John Sundahl” wore in all the pics everyone ran of “Britney’s new man” last week. So I don’t know if everyone was wrong last week, or everyone’s wrong this week, but this guy cannot be both John Sundahl, drug counselor with benefits, and Damon, Mr. Bodyguard extraordinaire.