Now that we’ve solved the Mystery of the Illness So Rare and Lethal Even the Very Best Doctors at Lynwood Correctional Facility Were Helpless in the Face of It (it was claustrophobia, and it turns out the elusive cure is to “deal with it“), we can move on to solving a new mystery: what the hell were the papers Britney Spears delivered to her mother yesterday?
Yesterday, Britney found yet another good use for the hordes of photographers who last year were helpful enough to support her dream of having her vagina invade more homes than any of her albums, when she used them to learn the whereabouts of her rehab-enabling mother.
Britney had tracked down her mom with the help of the paparazzi who are never far from her side.
The singer’s bodyguards had asked some of the fotogs who camp outside her Beverly Hills home if they knew the whereabouts of Lynne Spears.
When the shutterbugs said the elder Spears was holed up nearly an hour away at a TV studio in Valencia, the singer grabbed her two kids – Sean Preston, 21 months, and Jayden James, 9 months – and hit the road in her Mercedes.
After arriving in Valencia, Britney served her mother with a set of papers.
What were those papers? Word on the street is they were a strongly worded letter urging her mother to stay away from her two children. Other sources claim they were an actual restraining order, but, if that were the case, Britney could not have served them herself, and an L.A. Superior Court spokeswoman claims they have no such order on record from Spears.
You can check out video of Britney serving the papers to her mom here.
Britney’s gotten so Whiskey Tango that her Vajayjay is going to detach from disgust and shame and find another host body soon. That will be a nice vacation for her fingers, who, during that video, got carpal tunnel syndrome while furiously pulling out rancid camel toe.
As for her beat-down extensions from the Sally’s Beauty Supply clearance rack, they will finally get organized, form a union with her other fake parts and go on strike.
Now she’s really dangerous – she believes those little scenarios in her head. She’s not even a good liar.
God bless and help Lynne Spears.
You see her mother and K-fed were gonna put her in the nut house and rob her of her kids and fortune..?
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