Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Sometimes Tough Love Comes in Letter Form

marshalllohan.jpg Gary Marshall is a hack director. He's cashed in on directing Pretty Woman for the last 17 years. Or maybe those fresh episodes of Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley he wrote back in the 70's somehow guaranteed him a full career. And his new movie, Georgia Rule, is seriously screwed up - and it's most likely due to the tone he took. They should have called it "Molestation Hilarity" because that's the vibe he clearly was shooting for. Anyway, more of his genius came to light when it was revea...

Who Doesn’t Want to Smell Like Prince?

prince.jpg I've often said to myself, how can I smell more like a reclusive bible wielding musical genius? Finally my prayers have been answered. It's the Prince perfume y'all! The fragrance will be named 3121, after an album he put out last year (which is so 2006). The official website is here, but I wouldn't go to it if you're high or there goes your day. The perfume goes on sale 7-7-07 and the line starts here. At this point I would like to link to a Prince skit that SNL runs quite ofte...

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Cameron Diaz: "We all suffer when Paris suffers." Heh. [Cele|bitchy]

The celebrities you'd most like to bang. And not with a hammer. [Pajiba]

Brooke Burke is still hot. [Derek Hail]

Carmen Electra wrote a book called How to Be Sexy. Now if only someone could lend her a copy of How to Stay Married she'd be all set. [Jordan]

Um, Victoria, why were you shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch anyway? [Celebrity Smack]

It's not enough for Dina Lohan to live vicariously through her daughter's fame; now she's using it to land herself on TV. [The Blemish]

K-Fed calls Britney's new man "trash." [Celebslam]

Jodi Sweetin is back on the smack. Time for a serious father-daughter talk. [popbytes]

Akon is sorry for that whole "simulated rape" thing. [DListed]

Kate Moss in a see-through dress. [Drunken Stepfather]

Nick Lachey throws down. [POTP]

/>Cameron Diaz: "We all suffer when Paris suffers." Heh. [Cele|bitchy] The celebrities you'd most like to bang. And not with a hammer. [Pajiba] Brooke Burke is still hot. [Derek Hail] Carmen Electra wrote a book called How to Be Sexy. Now if only someone could lend her a copy of How to Stay Married she'd be all set. [Jordan] Um, Victoria, why were you shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch anyway? [Celebrity Smack] It's not enough for Dina Lohan to live vicariously through her daughter's fame; now she's using it to land herself on TV. [The B...

What is Wrong With This Picture?

jessica-simpson-eva-longoria-41.jpg Jessica Simpson should not be darker than Eva Longoria. Eva naturally has a hot Latina thing going on but Jess is starting to look like George Hamilton. How much fake tan do you have to put on to look this orange? Somebody should tell Jess that you can either darken your hair or your skin...not both. Jessica Simpson is really looking fugly these days. It keeps getting worse. The whole dark hair, boobs falling out of her shirt, sexy face thing is just not working. There is something to be sa...

Cameron is Really Milking That “Cute” Thing

Cameron Diaz Cameron Diaz loves to be the cute fun-loving tomboy. She showed up to promote her new movie, "Shrek the Third" in this fun little denim number. I actually think this little outfit is cute but she is 34. At one point don't you start rocking something a little more age appropriate? Perhaps she is worried to let go of her 20s but I think she seems to be trying a bit hard these days to be cool and young. You can't dance around in your underwear forever Cameron. What do you think of Cameron's l...

Tammy Faye Bakker Is My Hero

tammy_faye.jpg I love Tammy Faye Bakker (now Messner) -- she has walked through so much turmoil with so much strength and dignity. Every time I hear her speak I feel inspired. Tammy has been struggling with lung cancer for years (despite never having been a smoker), and a recent note she left on her website states that the doctors have stopped trying to treat it. As usual, Tammy's attitude is upbeat and full of faith. The doctors have stopped trying to treat the cancer and so now it's up to God and my faith. And that's enough! But please continue...

Wasting No Time …

Paris Hilton has just released a statement through her brand spankin' new DUI attorney, Richard Hutton (emphasis mine):
"After reading the media's coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should -- no matter how slightly. I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse."
Um, Par-Par, are you saying you're ready to go to jail? I call bullshit. Also, can we look at the last several sentences of that first paragraph?
I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should -- no matter how slightly.
If your new lawyer wrote this, you might want to go back to the old one. To what, exactly, does "no one should" refer? No one should be able to live with you, Paris? I agree. No one should realize how serious driving under the influence is? Oh, oh, do you mean that no one should be injured or killed while you're driving impaired? Hm. You're fucking this up already, Dick Hutton ... />Paris Hilton has just released a statement through her brand spankin' new DUI attorney, Richard Hutton (emphasis mine): "After reading the media's coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should -- no matter how slightly. I am ready to face the consequences of ...

Paris Hires a New Lawyer

paris_court31.jpg In a last-ditch attempt to keep her ass out of jail, Paris Hilton may be bringing yet another lawyer onto her team, celeb DUI lawyer Richard Hutton. Paris met with him yesterday, and was caught on video sobbing in a car as her mother tried to console her. This video is so, so staged. She's an awful actress. This car has tinted windows. Why were they rolled all the way down? So that the paparazzi could get this video and everyone can see just how hard this is for Paris. Yeah, right. Paris is so damn concern...

At What Point Does This Warrant Capital Punishment?

paris_omg.jpg Paris. Hilton. Is Fucking. Goddamn. Driving. The soon-to-be jail bird was snapped driving her £100,000 blue Bentley convertible less than a week after being handed a 45 day jail term. The 26-year-old was given the sentence for breaking the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Despite having her licence suspended, Paris was followed by photographers as she lost her way in LA, finishing up in a dead-end even after reading print-out directions. Ph...