Angelina Jolie willingly lost her virginity at fourteen, then promptly got a knife and cut the guy she’d slept with. I believe — correct me if I’m wrong — that there’s a certain species of grasshopper which does the same thing. [The Blemish]
Jessica Simpson is dressing as my seventh-grade English teacher to go to Winston’s. That’s okay, because Mrs. Crabtree was awesome. She once told a boy in the class to “stop masticating.” We still make fun of him for that. [Celebslam]
Christina Ricci takes on the role of Trixie in Speed Racer. “She already looks like an anime creation, so the casting here is appropriate.” Ha. [Pajiba]
Meet the next Cindy Crawford. [Grumpiest]
Oprah hosts a panel discussion about the Don Imus controversy — remember the good old days when that was the big news story? [Concrete Loop]
Lindsay Lohan feels her friends aren’t safe without her. Because, you know, then who’s paying for the blow? [Celebrity Smack]
If Paula Abdul isn’t famous enough to pre-board a Southwest Airlines flight, who is? Oh, right. Sanjaya. [Warship]
The tabs continue to punish Angelina for those People exclusives. [popbytes]
Yes, of course we want to see pictures of Fantasia Barrino’s ass. [POTP]
Harrison Ford’s finally going to make an honest woman of Calista Flockhart. Now, I know what you’re thinking: who are Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart? [Haute Gossip]
Matthew McConaughey’s new girlfriend is 22 years old. Recruiting them fresh out of college, are we, Matty? [Gabsmash]
Jennifer Garner celebrates her 35th birthday by dressing respectfully, and not getting drunk or stoned or flashing anybody. [ICYDK]
Harrison and Calista’s rep deny the engagement thing.
rep should be plural up there.