Late-Night Links

Angelina Jolie may have barely escaped a supposed third-world plot to kidnap her and extort a ransom while working as a UN Goodwill Ambassador, but she’ll never escape the consequent positive publicity. Poor dear. [The Blemish]

Students at Oprah’s free South African boarding school are faced with the difficult choice between rape and junk food. I know, I know. It seems like a no-brainer. But think about Milk Duds, people. [IBBB]

Thank God Paris Hilton’s nipples are visible in this outfit. It means you don’t have to think too much about the skirt. [Yeeeah]

I am obsessed with this Claire Danes/Patrick Wilson GAP commercial, and now I want to buy Boyfriend Trousers. I am so easily brainwashed by a cute commercial. [popbytes]

Paris Hilton’s record label plans to drop her. Paris Hilton had a record label? Oh, yeah, right. Back when she was a “singer.” [Buzznet]

Sienna Miller is drunk, if you can believe that. [Gossip or Truth]

Awww … Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is making her acting debut in Papa Pitt’s latest film. This is great. She’s not going to turn out like the Olsen twins at all. No way. [Cele|bitchy]

Sweet Jesus, Suri Cruise only has four fingers. Like, seriously, the kid is missing an entire finger. This is what happens, people, when you create a baby from the 20-year-old frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard. Four fingers. [POTP]

Antonella Barba’s not planning to return to school right away, in order to “strike while the iron’s hot,” which means I can no longer effectively argue that everything Antonella Barba has ever decided to do is stupid. [Ninja Dude]