K-Fed Shopping a Britney Sex Tape?

Hell hath no fury like Kevin Federline scorned. Britain’s News of the World reports that Britney’s soon-to-be ex-hubby is shopping a four-hour sex tape the two recorded at the beginning of their relationship, and that he’s already been offered nearly $33.5M for the footage by an Arizona company. He’s hoping for a pay-off from Britney in exchange for keeping the tape to himself. They also drop the bomb we’ve all been waiting for — that Brit filed divorce papers after catching Federline with another woman.

A K-Fed “pal” is quoted as saying, “This vid is dynamite and Kev knows it.” Firstly: the vid? Is dynamite? This reminds me of the drugs-are-bad videos we watched in elementary school. “Hey, man, wanna smoke a doobie? It’s dynamite! Pop in that tubular Betamax vid and we’ll ride a bogus doobie wave.” (Side note: whenever I need wacky ’80s words, I try to remember the names of the worlds on that last level of Super Mario Brothers. I don’t know what that says about me.)

Britney apparently “fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image” and “knows a full-on sex video could almost certainly ruin her chance of a career come-back.” Right, because Britney’s image is squeaky clean right now, and a sex tape is no way to launch a career. Just ask Paris Hilton.

They also report that Britney had flown into NYC to join her husband on his tour, but after he stood her up for dinner, she left the restaurant in tears and demanded keys to his hotel room at The Regency. When she let herself into his room, she found Kevin with another woman. It doesn’t sound like they were caught red-handed, but the fact that there was another woman there at all was enough to push Britney over the edge. She filed for divorce the next week.