Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Second Autopsy on Anna Nicole Smith’s Son Still Inconclusive

Cyril Wecht, the famous forensic pathologist (yeah, that's right, I just said "famous forensic pathologist") who performed Daniel Smith's second autopsy said he could not determine the cause of death. According to the report, he was able to rule out heart disease, stroke, congenital illness and foul play. So he is absolutely, positively stumped.OMFG, let's call in Dr. House.This is a great mystery for the ages.Pssst --- did you guys do a tox screen? Because when I did that semester abroad at this on...

Are You Done Yet, Kristin Cavallari?

NYC scenesters say that the former Laguna Beacher has been working it hardcore at NYC Fashion Week, showing up everywhere that'll have her. I hope this signals the decline of the Kristin Cavallari reign, and a possible return to the golden days of the Pax California, where you actually had to be the child of someone famous to get famous for absolutely nothing.Let's take a look at what Kristin's done since her Laguna Beach wrapped in 2005:Dated Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???)Lost Brody Jenner (...

Weekend Round-Up: Mark McGrath Just Wants to Sleep

Lohan falls and fractures her left wrist at a Fashion Week party. She's claiming that the host of the party, Milk Studios, wasn't careful enough in preventing people from slipping, an egregious oversight they allowed by letting her drunk ass in. Pret-a-porter was a never a strong point at Fashion Week. Tara Reid gets a breast reduction, because, you know, that's the problem.An uber-drunk Mark McGrath barges into the wrong Las Vegas hotel room, wonders where his hookers, music career went. ...

Lindsay Lohan Tells Her Mom to Go to Hell

If you can believe it, all is not well in the Lohan household.On Thursday night, La Lohan met up with her mother, Dina, at an NYC restaurant to celebrate her mom's birthday. By the time Lindsay arrived, Dina and four friends were already pretty smashed, and by the end of the first course, Lindsay and Dina were cussing at one another. Lindsay told her mother to "go to hell" and left the restaurant for the Calvin Klein party at 7 World Trade Center, and later closed down B8.Her mother stayed at the restaur...

Britney Spears’ Baby Name Revealed!

It's official: on September 12 of this year, Britney Spears birthed a 72-year-old British man.Although we have not yet seen photos of the crotchety old wanker, his age and obvious pedigree can be inferred from the name the Federlines are rumored to have selected: Sutton Pierce.S. Pierce (read: "Spears") will share his initials and future therapy sessions with his brother, Sean Preston, born September 14 of last year. Britney gave birth to little Sutty via Cesarian section at Cedars-Sinai in LA on ...

Friday Afternoon Round-Up: Where Non-Stories Go to Die

Ben Affleck has to keep taking bad scripts. For his daughter. Kevin Federline trudges forward with this album of his, getting as far as releasing the cover photo. The album is titled Playing with Fire, and the photo features a glass of Scotch on fire, a work of art executed with that trademark "angsty design student and an illegal copy of Photoshop" flair. Paris Hilton identifies fuck-buddy Travis Barker as "one of my dear friends." But she's still sleeping with him, of course, because she sleeps...

Survivor: Racism: Black People Love Them Some Chicken

For those of you who cynically expected the inaugural episode of Survivor: Racism to be fraught with racial stereotypes and shameless incendiary racist content, you were totally, completely, disturbingly right.It started almost from minute one, with the contestants placing themselves firmly in their racial places. My guess is the Black team did not spend that entire day discussing their Blackness, nor did the Hispanic team spend the whole day discussing their Hispanicness, but man oh man, it sure wa...

TIVO ALERT!

Guys guys guys guys guys!!!!You know what premieres tonight????Survivor: Racism!!!It is all the rage!!!It's on CBS guys!!! Check your local listings guys!!!What on Earth will happen when individuals team up with people of their own race and are pitted in fierce and ruthless competition against people of different races???No no, not high school. They're just on an island.But really.TMZ had an amazingly funny and racially insensitive readers' poll up about it earlier today, and I wanted to link you al...

BREAKING: Tom Cruise Still Gay

Yes, folks, it's that time of year again! A male prostitute claims to have had a gay dalliance with Tom Cruise! And someone is using it to try to sell a book! Hollywood Interrupted was "leaked" a chapter. In it, "Big Red" talks about his sexual misadventures with Tom Cruise during the filming of Eyes Wide Shut, as well as his rendezvous with other big name stars. It's definitely not a PG read, and it's not in line to win either a Pulitzer or a spelling bee, but please, please try to hang in there until Red deftly compares anal intercourse with Garth Brooks to "fucking a whale." Because, you know, how funny is that? ...

While You Were Sleeping: The Edition Where Patrick Dempsey Grabs Your Ass While His Wife’s Not Looking

WAKE THE FUCK UP, LOS ANGELES!Omigod you guys so much has happened since COB yesterday. So pop a couple Tylenol, get that Visine in, and have your morning beer so we can get started.Tragic news! Patrick Dempsey's wife had another one of his kids, making you even more of a naughty homewrecking slut when he shows up in your sexual fantasies. Hm. Maybe not so tragic.Madonna wants Russia to send her to outer space in 2008. They say no, but they'll consider it for 2009. There's a Lance Bass joke in here, bu...

"jason wahler arrested cocaine"

I've had approximately one billion hits with this search term, or a variation upon it, today. So okay.Yes, Jason Wahler was arrested in NYC on September 1, a little past 4 am, and charged with 3 counts of bribery, criminal possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.So, um, here's what I assume happened:1) LC's ex-love bumped a few lines (of cocaine. Yes, people. Probably of cocaine. Are you happy now?)2) He did some stupid shit. (Jason Wahler? You're kidding me.)3) The ...