Wunderkind Buys Observer, Promptly Learns Hard Lesson in Journalism

So 25-year-old rich kid and MBA-in-training Jared Kushner bought the Observer today, and, wanting to be taken very seriously right from the start, released this (partial) statement, with lots of big, important-sounding words, to its staff:

We find ourselves at a crossroads in the newspaper business. The balance of printed and online content is undergoing an unprecedented adjustment and the way we deliver our product—first-rate journalism—continues to evolve. Together we will navigate this challenge with perseverance and innovation. The only promise I will make on the business front is to keep a completely open mind. At 25 and with only non-publishing related business experience, I am now equipped with two of the finest tools that a publisher could ever have; (sic) this fine staff, and the inquisitive energy needed to tackle convention.

Convention indeed, Jared. You need a complete clause after a semicolon. What you wanted was a colon.

A hard-won first lesson in championing a print media empire: run it past an editor before you run it anywhere else. They don’t teach you that at Stern, kid.