Hi guys.
We moderate comments here on Evil Beet, not as a form of censorship, but because it’s the only reliable way to keep out spammers, and we may be evil, but we’re not in the business of helping child pornographers improve their Google Page Rank.
There are only a few ways to get your comments removed or to be banned as a commenter altogether.
Here are ALL of the reasons I will remove your comments or ban you:
1) You are a spammer.
2) You employ racism/homophobia/hate speech of any kind.
3) You accuse me in a particularly rude way of removing your comment because it is not in agreement with my opinion.
4) You somehow accidentally use one of the phrases the software tags as spam.
5) You express appreciation for the Dave Matthews Band. (I’m serious.)
Here is a small subset of situations that WILL NOT result in your comments being removed:
1) You voice your support for the Republican party.
2) You call me mean names.
Sometimes, it takes me a few hours to get to my laptop and approve pending comments. If you want to be able to comment without me approving your comments, include a name and email address with your comments. That way, once I approve your first comment, all future comments will be automatically approved. Nifty, right?
So if you’re hunched over your laptop right now, furiously going through rough drafts of the comment you’re going to leave taunting me for being emotionally unable to handle your powerful and articulate assault on my intelligence, just stop. First, go through the draft and make sure you didn’t use “your” when you actually meant “you’re,” because there’s already an 80% chance that you did. Second, breathe deeply and count to ten. Third, wait 24 hours, clear your browser’s cache, and come back and check for it. It’s probably there, and you’re glad you didn’t leave that comment, because it turns out that I can, in actuality, handle your scathing wit.
I’m not joking: Anyone accusing me of deleting their comments for any reasons other than the five listed above WILL, in fact, be banned from commenting.
The end.