LOL of the Day: Lindsay Lohan Has Only Done Cocaine Five Times

Lindsay Lohan is a top notch comedian – she laughs in the face of the American justice system, makes a mockery of the laws that everyone else has to follow, and has now told the best joke ever told in human history: that she’s only ever done cocaine five times. HAHAHAHA!

From an interview with Piers Morgan for The Mail on Sunday:

So you were a clean-living teenager?

Yes. My friends and I would actually pretend to be drunk. And it was more fun. I never rebelled against my parents – I worked hard, I was responsible and I didn’t go to high-school parties.

When did you start going off the rails?

I think when I made the move to LA  in my late teens. I got arrested for my first DUI (Driving Under the Influence) when I was 20 and they found me with drugs (her Mercedes struck a kerb outside a club on May 26, 2007, and she was charged after police found cocaine in the car). And from then on the press were on me all the time. It was the first time I’d taken drugs; I was out in a club with people I shouldn’t have been with, and took cocaine, and got in the car. It was so stupid.

How many times have you taken cocaine?

Everyone thinks I’ve done it so many times. But I’ve only done it maybe four or five times in my life.

Really?

Yes, I don’t like it. It reminds me of my dad. I took it four times in a period from about the age of 20 to 23, and I got caught twice.

Did it make you feel good?

No. I felt a little too buzzed – it made me feel uncomfortable.

People will find it hard to believe you’ve only taken it four times.

It’s the truth. I’ve never taken heroin either, never injected myself with anything, never done LSD. Those things all scare me.

What other drugs have you tried?

Pot, obviously. And ecstasy. I liked  that better than the others (giggles). I didn’t drink on it, so I was just chilling. It’s something that a lot of people experience when they’re in college. I just should have known that being in the public eye, someone was bound to say something or try to make some money off it.

Oh, well I guess we’re leaving meth off the list, then? People don’t really get ordered to rehab for smoking too much pot. Sure, she’s probably addicted to prescription drugs of some sort, as well, but come on. The day I believe that Lindsay Lohan has only done cocaine four or five times is the day I believe Justin Bieber wasn’t sent to this planet to test the strength of my sanity.