John Mayer’s Got Feathery Breakup Hair Because of Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson’s Moving in on That Sh-t

(Pattinson’s moving on on Katy, that is, not John Mayer‘s feathery breakup hair. You know. To be clear.)

And I’m sorry, but there’s just something so inherently douchey about guys who feather their hair. It was douchey in the seventies, and it’s douchey now, and John Mayer being the poster child for douchey behavior only encourages the “douchey” label to be slapped right on the “feathered hair” trend. DOUCHEY.

I guess John doesn’t have to worry all that much, though, anyway—even though Katy was rumored to be reeling from the shock of being dropped like a hot potato by someone with hands that look like potatoes, reports are saying that Katy and the newly-single Robert Pattinson (who are friends, by the way) will probably be getting it on soon. If they haven’t already, that is:

Last night the two were spotted on a romantic candlelit dinner for two, but rather spending it slagging off their exes Kristen Stewart and John Mayer, the attention was very much on Katy’s boobies. Nice. A source told The Sun: “She wore a tight, sparkly top and Rob was looking at her breasts all night. He tried to avoid it when talking to her but as soon as she looked away to talk to someone else, Rob would sneak a peek.”

Hm. So maybe that’s why Kristen’s been all titty-titty-gung-ho with that fancy new push-up bra, because let’s be honest. If we’re comparing the boobs of Katy Perry to the boobs of Kristen Stewart, I think Katy Perry probably has it on lockdown, don’t you think? It’s like comparing apples to … well, to that wall over there.

See what you’ve done, John Mayer? Talk about stirring the pot. Damn.

Image courtesy of The Superficial