Lindsay Lohan Tried to Go to the Golden Globes, But Was Only Able to Get Into the Pre- and After-Parties Instead

Poor Lindsay Lohan. When will she stop being such a disgusting, coked-up pariah that can’t stop jacking up her stupid, formerly hot face with various strains of muscle-freezing food poisoning and bits of melted Tylenol gelcaps? When? Is there an expiration date on all of this f-ckery, or are we doomed to watch it happen again and again, in circles of various haircolor?

In the above picture, you can see directly up Lindsay’s nose. There’s no fine hairs, no tiny flaps of pink tissue covering the entrance to the brain – no sign that Lindsay’s schnoz is ever going to recover from the damage that she’s done to it (and the rest of her face) with cocaine and other snortables. And this, my fine friends, is probably just one of the many reasons that Lindsay can’t only NOT get work in Hollywood, but can’t get formally invited to awards ceremonies and related parties.

The shindig in question, wherefrom these positively lovely photos of Lindsay emerged was a pre-Globes party hosted by the Weinstein company. According to the NY Daily News, she snuck into the party. Snuck. In. As in “let herself in through the back kitchen door.” The kitchen staff probably didn’t even bat an eye, and I have no doubts whatsoever that it’s because they’re used to it. The Daily News says:

LINDSAY LOHAN don’t need no stinkin’ Golden Globe nomination to get her picture taken. On Wednesday the Weinstein Company hosted a pre-Globes party at the Chateau Marmont in L.A., and an insider says Lohan snuck in via the hotel’s back entrance. She then “made her way to the entrance for photo ops,” where the Weinstein firm’s Globe nominees, Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo from “The Artist” and Kenneth Branagh and Michelle Williams from “My Week With Marilyn,” were being snapped. Bradley Cooper also showed.

Can you imagine what it must have been like for these other, real, actors and actresses to see Lindsay skulking in from the kitchens? Pitiful. Seriously pitiful.

My advice, girl? Take your busted-ass self and hide for a few years. Hide and hide good. Like, let your hair go back to red (no one’s ever going to recognize you as your natural color these days), brush your teeth twice daily, shop at random, faceless grocery stores and for the love of God, if you’re going to do your drugs, do them with people who aren’t going to sell your crack stories to the public for pennies. Or, I don’t know, do them alone. Stop doing them altogether? Yeah, I know that last one’s really asking a lot. So I’m just going to put it to you this way – disappear for a few years and keep your shady business to yourself. Then, maybe, you’ll start getting invited to actual parties and, after that, if you behave yourself, maybe even the actual awards shows themselves. If you play your cards REAL well, you might even have a chance of being nominated for – I don’t know – something down the road, and my. Wouldn’t that just be nice?