Jersey Shore‘s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was gracious enough to speak to E! Entertainment’s Marc Malkin earlier in the week, and in addition to discussing highlights of the upcoming season of her reality show, she also shared some “private” news: she’s going to go under the knife and get a brand-new set of knockers. Isn’t that awesome? Not only that, but she’s going to a “good” doctor (read: she’s going to go the bargain plastic surgery route and head to the back alley where co-star J Woww got her extraordinary gunshell tits done, and no I’m not joking):
“Very soon. Very soon,” Snooki told me earlier today when she and JWoww stopped by E! to promote Thursday night’s fifth-season premiere of their hit MTV reality show. “I hope in the next couple of months. “They’re a good size now, but I want them like this when I’m not wearing a bra,” she said, cupping and lifting her chest up. “I’m definitely taking her to my doctor,” JWoww said. “I’ll go in and get mine redone to make her feel better.”
Now, friends. Imagine this, OK? Just imagine what it’s going to be like once Snooki here heads back to da shore and starts drinking her sugar cane-laden alcoholic beverages again. Nature says that she’ll blow up an additional thirty pounds and there’s going to be Guido sadfaces for everyone. For crying out loud, she’s going to look like an Ooopma Loompa with an orange Goodyear tire around its neck. Come on. You really think those fake-ass tits are going to look good on shorty, here? Hell, I should think not. Yikes.
According to Snooks, however, you don’t need to worry about her repacking on the pounds: she’s not going to gain any weight, because she’s finally hit her “goal weight” of 98 pounds and doesn’t feel that her twenty-four year-old body’s going to change at all, ever again, from here on out. May as well start cutting it up and stuffing Vaseline-filled balloons in various places now while we can, right?
Lastly, this is probably something we should take seriously – it isn’t the first time that Snooki’s mentioned getting a chest augmentation. On December 15th, she Tweeted “All I want for Christmas is big knockers like @JENNIWOWW. Thanks Santa”.
What do you guys think – are you ready for a new, even MOAR improved Nicole Polizzi, or, like me, do you like your warthogs small and plump and orange instead?
I read your headline and thought: “Oh, good, is she getting a reduction? Good for her!”
Apparently not.
Wait, what? This girl is only a year older than me? Good Lord.
She’s my age, and it horrifies me. I mean, I’m all for cosmetic surgery — I have hated my face for as long as I can remember, and I want a maximum of eleven fat cells in my entire body — but I cannot IMAGINE getting a procedure like that if I were Snooki.
I ALSO cannot imagine being Snooki.
Only her gynecologist knows for sure! Doh!