My Christmas is ALREADY RUINED

Did you hear? Maybe, but probably not. I know a lot of you guys don’t go cray-cray over Justin Bieber, nor do you flip your shit over Mariah Carey, so you just may hear it here on Evil Beet first: Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber are – sob – teaming up to ruin one of my favorite Christmas songs, ‘All I Want for Christmas (Is You)’. I know, I know; it’s a Mariah Carey song and you probably think I should know better than that, but let’s put it into perspective: this song originally came out in 1994, when I was eleven years old. And I was a Mariah Carey fan back then, because come on. Who wasn’t? Um, hello, ‘Fantasy’? Jeepers. Anyway, even though I grew up and out of Mariah Carey, this is a song that stayed close to my heart Christmas after Christmas, and even when I hear it to this day, I’m brought back to shopping at the mall with my mom for friendship bracelets for my BFFs (with my own allowance, what what!) and hoping that my mom’d slyly try to buy something for me without my seeing (OF COURSE I’D SEE). It makes me think of Trapper Keepers ’round the holidays, Christmas breaks that seemed to go on for months, and dreaming about my crush, counting the days ’til I’d see him in Social Studies again. It makes me think of cheesy adolescents cheesily waving “See you next year!” on the last day before holiday break, handmade mittens, and the smell of turkey roasting and cookies baking.

But now? Mariah’s bringing Justin Bieber into the mix? This is probably a dream come true for today’s eleven-year-olds (who probably don’t even know who the crazy lady singing on Bieber’s new Christmas album is), but for me? My heavens.